Im not sure if its ok to get a girlfriend

[artyboy]

Not being funny guys but I don't see the problem if he tells the woman. From what I read hes actually bisexual not gay.

[Cridders88]

Not being funny guys but I don't see the problem if he tells the woman. From what I read hes actually bisexual not gay.

That's not what I am reading. "Even if I am not 100% with them (the woman)" does not imply that the relationship would be genuine, because he is gay.

And it is clear he is not planning on telling the woman, and is planning on deceiving her. You can get that from reading the post too.

[artyboy]

That's not what I am reading. "Even if I am not 100% with them (the woman)" does not imply that the relationship would be genuine, because he is gay.

And it is clear he is not planning on telling the woman, and is planning on deceiving her. You can get that from reading the post too.

Let the woman decide lol!!

[Cridders88]

Let the woman decide lol!!

Let the woman decide what exactly? How can she decide anything when not presented with any of the facts?

[meridannight]

Even if Im not 100% with them I would still be a better companion than most of the other guys I know are to their wives and girlfriends. I mean everyone has their quirks, I could be with a woman and maybe occasionally I find a little something else, honestly we all have secrets.

You are missing the point. You keep thinking that how you feel about it right now is how you'll feel about it 10-20 years from now. That things will just keep on being the same. Which will not be the case. In 10-20 years you'll wake up and realize that everything has been a lie, that you have wasted your life and chances. And by then it's too late to take any of it back and it will be that much more difficult to make a fresh start at 40-50.

I'm not even talking about you being a good companion to a woman. You can probably be that. Fine. But what about You? You can't live neglecting your own emotional and physical needs. You may think you can compromise on it now, but you can't without paying a heavy price at the expense of your mental and emotional health. One day you'll wake up and it will painfully hit home for you. That's what I want you to understand.


I hope you give it more serious thought. Or at least don't commit yourself to such a resolution. You are treating this thing too lightly.

[Camfer]

Hey [MENTION=24108]Doc[/MENTION], Arizona is just as conservative, and the "political environment of where I am / will be living" is a cop out you are using to justify your actions. You're not out because you don't want to be out, period. Own it.

It's too bad Virge isn't here anymore to give his perspective. He did a tour or two in Afghanistan, he's a former Marine living in small town South Dakota. Moved into a 100% conservative neighborhood as an out gay man. None of his neighbors thought they'd ever like a gay man. He won them over by being a good neighbor and a forthright person. He'd bring his tractor over and plow the snow off their driveways before they even got out of bed. Just made himself useful. Changed a lot of people's notion of what a gay person is. You can't change their misconceptions when you are closeted. Maybe you don't want to, fair enough, it's your choice.

One option that didn't come up in this discussion. Find yourself a lesbian who wants cover just like you do. At least then you're only deceiving your friends and family and not emotionally victimizing some innocent woman.

I'm an out gay farmer in a tiny Hispanic catholic village of 640 people. You might have more guns than me, but I probably have more 4x4s than you.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you're gonna need it.

[Insertnamehere]

I really appreciate everyones advice but I think this was a mistake, I was fine last week and maybe I just got a little hysterical. I know this goes against everyones advice but I think I'll give it another go with a woman. Like I mentioned before Ive had girlfriends in the past and it wasnt terrible, in fact there were alot of things I liked about it; and my relationships with men have never really been anything more than sexual anyway. Even if Im not 100% with them I would still be a better companion than most of the other guys I know are to their wives and girlfriends. I mean everyone has their quirks, I could be with a woman and maybe occasionally I find a little something else, honestly we all have secrets. I also find some woman to be attractive evry girlfriend I ever had was cute and the sex was ok too. Im sure you will all think Im a coward but I think this is for the best. Im sorry I sort of wasted everyones time. I guess I'll be leaving the forum but I really wanted to thank you guys.

If you say it was a mistake as in you didn't hear what you wanted, sure, it was a mistake to think any sane person would agree on any of your plans.

So you choose cowardice, ok that's fine but on top of things you are already planning to cheat on someone?

Allow me to tell you that is far from acceptable even if you were straight.

If you want to willingly make choices that will render you miserable, go right ahead (hey, I've made some pretty stupid decisions myself and payed for the consequences, I'm not in any position to judge), but at the very least have some decency, some minimal humanity and don't drag someone else to an equal misery. Not one person in this planet deserves to be treated that way.

You are BETTER than this prick you're showing us now.

All the best to you in life man.

[TwisttheLeaf]

How would you feel if you met a great guy, started seeing him, dating, etc, then after some time have him declare to you he is straight and was just ''checking'' or experimenting with you?

If you do go that route, would you feel good about being that guy later on in life? This is the kind of thing you have to be able look yourself in the mirror for afterwards. It might not seem like a big deal right now, but you are your actions in this life. And this action would have no positive light to it. It would not spring from confusion or uncertainty, it would be a pure act of deception and lie caused by fear of others' opinion. Does that sound good to you?

Your life is about you, not about other people. If you let other people make your life for you, you have none that is yours. You should live in a way that is compatible with who you are, and live it with integrity, according to your own worldview and standards. It won't be a walk in the park, even like that, but this is the only way you can look yourself in the eye later on and know you stayed true to who you are, and lived it genuinely. Later on, that will matter a lot.

I get what your saying but its complicated.

Its not complicated.

You choose to hurt someone, or not hurt someone.
You choose to lie, or be honest.
You choose to potentially destroy someone's life, confidence in themselves and others, and perception of themselves and the world.... or you don't.

It's remarkably easy, and not at all complicated.

It's called "don't be a dick".
[MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION]'s lesbian idea is an excellent one.

[Doc]

I dont think you guys understand what Im trying to say. Im saying that maybe Im only gay in a purely sexual sense, its just my little peccadillo. Like I said my relationships with men have only ever been sexual and niether of us ever said we were gay. The guy I was having a fling with for 6 months used to say " this doesn't make us fags" his words not mine I know fag is an offensive word. What I meant by saying that it was a mistake was maybe Im not really gay, Im just a little confused. I love everything else about women, I like taking them out and spending time with them. I love the way they look and I'd like to have a wife and children little one day. Its like I said Ive had girlfriends and it wasnt that bad I enjoyed every part, I loved date nights and just having somebody to watch tv with or just to hangout with and the sex that wasnt terrible I could perform when I needed to. I know you can be in love with somebody that you are not sexually attracted to I had a friend and we were always together for two years and I just loved to be around him and we were apart I was so sad, he ended up getting married and he moved away and I was just devastated, but it was platonic love, nothing sexual ever happened, and I was head over heels in love with him. Isnt it possible that I could meet a woman and we could share that same kind of love. We all do things for the people we love that we dont like doing and I think I could be monogamous. I wouldnt ask her to tell me everything about her past I think everyone should be allowed to have some secrets. As long as I treat her good and do my best to love her from the time I meet her. I dont want to make some poor girl into a victim. The lesbian idea is ok, but how would I even do that, I cant just walk into the local lesbian clubhouse and say hey girls who wants a possibly gay roomate/ lavender marriage. Where would I even meet a girl like that?
Like I said I live a traditionally / stereotypically straight lifestyle and I love the idea of a traditional family. Might my preference for men be similar to some guys liking different types of women.

[TigerLover]

I think there's something you haven't considered. Dating a women now is not going to be like dating those girls four years ago.

Those mousey girls you used to date weren't expecting commitment because they were only 23 and relationships at that age are frequently about fun and friendship.

But at 27 most girls are gonna have one eye on a wedding ring and kids; especially from a Catholic man like yourself. The unspoken assumption will be that if you get along and love each other well enough you'll eventually get married and start a family together.

Since you can't provide that for them it's extremely unfair to take up their time when they could be searching for a man they can build a family with.