Guess I just need a place to tidy up my mind

[seeking]

What you are describing is the way a person acts when they have a crush. It's normal so don't let it bother you. Maybe it will get better each time you talk, but don't get so stressed out about it that you make it worse. Again, you are completely normal, seeking.

You could always how him your wiener. That should break the ice. LOL

Thanks Darius! Yea I know it's normal to have a crush. The thing is, other people might notice I get a crush on him and find out I'm gay...which is something I dread .. a lot. (In fact I thought the professor noticed, judging from some of her actions, but I would never know)

And I also fear that he finds out...and turns out he is not gay, or gay but not interested. I don't know which one is more horrible XD

The wiener LOL I wouldn't have the courage, I don't mind if it's him who initiate though lol

[larafan25]

I think your desire to "act normally" or "act like yourself" is actually, truly, the acting not like yourself in this instance.

It is your genuine reaction to feel somewhat giddy, or nervous and excited, that is a genuine response you have to someone you like. So, the more you loosen up about those feelings, the more you can enjoy the time you get to spend together, maybe?

[princealbertofb]

What you are describing is the way a person acts when they have a crush. It's normal so don't let it bother you. Maybe it will get better each time you talk, but don't get so stressed out about it that you make it worse. Again, you are completely normal, seeking.

You could always how him your wiener. That should break the ice. LOL

A letter missing that might be confusing : show him your penis.... ? er.... maybe not. Unless it's in a private and intimate setting appropriate for that show of flesh.

Good luck, [MENTION=13183]seeking[/MENTION].

[princealbertofb]

Thanks Darius! Yea I know it's normal to have a crush. The thing is, other people might notice I get a crush on him and find out I'm gay...which is something I dread .. a lot. (In fact I thought the professor noticed, judging from some of her actions, but I would never know)

And I also fear that he finds out...and turns out he is not gay, or gay but not interested. I don't know which one is more horrible XD

The wiener LOL I wouldn't have the courage, I don't mind if it's him who initiates, though. lol

@seeking, I think part of the maturing of a gay man is being able first to admit to yourself that you're gay. So once you can admit to yourself that you're gay, the second stage is to start feeling comfortable about it, and also to start accepting that it is 'normal' (some people are attracted to their own gender, that's part of life) and then being able to just say it casually or in a matter-of-fact way in a conversation. It isn't a dirty little secret. Maybe your Chinese upbringing is showing when you cannot see the appropriateness of telling someone you are gay. Coming out is a big deal, or has been for many of us, but it's not the end of the world. We attribute too much power to what other people think. Most people won't care, or might even be interested.

It is never such a good idea to ask a person directly if they are gay (unless the context allows for this kind of disclosure) as it can backfire or be construed as a threat. But it's perfectly ok, I think, to tell people what your sexual orientation is. So apart from showing someone your dick, which would not be appropriate in most cases, and doesn't actually spell 'gay' either ( I mean, flashers show their dicks to people, but they aren't quite normal in the head, are they?) there is a better way of telling people that you are gay, it is simply to let them know. You mentioned that your teacher might have an idea that you're gay, and maybe she has, because either she's got gaydar, or you're sending out signals that you are not picking up but maybe others are picking up. Sometimes people are just too polite to ask, because it's not something you do, and they are ready to wait until you tell them.

I had a friend who used to write INAM on some of his rough papers at university. I worked it out to mean "I Need A Man". I was then able to have that conversation with him, but to be honest he did act in a rather camp way so it wasn't such a surprise when he admitted he was gay, indeed.

My point is, if you want your sexual orientation to be known by this mate of yours, maybe you can find a casual or subtle way to let him know and not wait for him to initiate. It might take far too long. Is there any chance that you are interested in swimming? Going to the swimming pool is a good way of showing what you've got (and ogling what he's got) in a physical but non sexual setting. If he's interested, things might work out from there? Can you think of another 'locker room' situation in which you might both engage? Try not to be too impatient, but making friends is generally the best way to go before it becomes anything more.

[princealbertofb]

lol that beginning of conversation sounds really frightening to me

I didn't notice any LGBT community yet.

Besides, I recently found out that I am actually still uneasy to come out...even now I'm far away from home. I don't think I would feel comfortable to join a LGBT community openly at the moment.

This is weird because I always thought I don't really care about how other people look at me (when far from home country). It seems like I over-estimated myself.

I would have thought being away from China, it would be easier for your to assert yourself and assert your orientation. Try to make the most of it, especially if you are in that European country (which one? ) where it is probably an accepted thing to be gay.

[seeking]

I think your desire to "act normally" or "act like yourself" is actually, truly, the acting not like yourself in this instance.

It is your genuine reaction to feel somewhat giddy, or nervous and excited, that is a genuine response you have to someone you like. So, the more you loosen up about those feelings, the more you can enjoy the time you get to spend together, maybe?

Thanks for the advice! I would definitely try to relax and don't think too much about it. Hope for the best!

I would have thought being away from China, it would be easier for your to assert yourself and assert your orientation. Try to make the most of it, especially if you are in that European country (which one? ) where it is probably an accepted thing to be gay.

I am in France. Yes It's more accepted. it's just me, I guess, having this kind of fear... maybe I just need some time to adjust my thoughts.

About the wiener thing, haha, I am well-aware the meaning of that and also wasn't serious, but thanks for clarifying things up Prince

[princealbertofb]

Thanks for the advice! I would definitely try to relax and don't think too much about it. Hope for the best!



I am in France. Yes It's more accepted. it's just me, I guess, having this kind of fear... maybe I just need some time to adjust my thoughts.

About the wiener thing, haha, I am well-aware the meaning of that and also wasn't serious, but thanks for clarifying things up Prince

I live in France too, so I know how things are here. It doesn't seem there should be a problem, but some places may be a little more frightening to come out in, I agree.

[Darius]

A letter missing that might be confusing : show him your penis.... ? er.... maybe not. Unless it's in a private and intimate setting appropriate for that show of flesh.

Good luck, [MENTION=13183]seeking[/MENTION].

Prince, it's why I put an "LOL" with the line. Seeking knew I was joking.

Thank you for pointing out my typo, too.

[princealbertofb]

Prince, it's why I put an "LOL" with the line. Seeking knew I was joking.

Thank you for pointing out my typo, too.

I knew what you meant with your LOL, @Darius, and I'm glad @seeking got the joke too. I just wanted to make sure the message was still clear, something we need to be careful of when dealing with members whose mother tongue is not necessarily English. Seeking seems to be doing well with the English language, but it may not be the case with everyone on the boards, as I've found out with other members. I wasn't sure whether he knew the word wiener (but then I was equally unsure whether he knew the word penis... so, ....) :biggrin:

I think the Mandarin word for that is 'yinjing'. Right, @seeking? 陰莖 or in simplified 阴茎. Probably not 'weina" 维纳.

[princealbertofb]

Thanks for the advice! I would definitely try to relax and don't think too much about it. Hope for the best!



I am in France. Yes It's more accepted. it's just me, I guess, having this kind of fear... maybe I just need some time to adjust my thoughts.

About the wiener thing, haha, I am well-aware the meaning of that and also wasn't serious, but thanks for clarifying things up Prince

Tu apprends le français, [MENTION=13183]seeking[/MENTION]?