A Huge Mistake

[ShiftyNJ]

I agree with everybody who said some percentage of this is her redirecting her anger at the loss of her mom, but that there's the possibility there has been some resentment stewing and this was the proverbial straw, and you need to wait for her to process these emotions before you can have a rational conversation about it.

If you had a strong reason for going (anxiety, flashbacks, etc.) I would have maybe reached out to her before the wake, set the expectation that you weren't going to be able to get there and why, but asked what else you could to help her through this time. The element of surprise, if she was for whatever reason counting on your presence, probably aggravated her response. I'd suggest acknowledging this as part of your next conversation.

[abcd1234]

Good point Shifty, but I'll wait for her to get in touch,if ever, because now she seems unapproachable. I feel action speaks louder than words and if she never gets in touch,then the friendship couldn't have been as close as I thought it was. Like I said if the situation was reversed I would forgive her.

[NativeSon]

Based on what you've said, and considering the offense, the reaction from your friend does seem to be a little exaggerated. It leads me to believe that the whole thing might be about something bigger than just your absence from the wake. Very hard to say as only you would know for sure. But you've done what you can for the moment, and it sounds as though you're as comfortable with the situation as can be so I'm glad you are able to resolve and accept in a way that works for you.

[Darius]

abcd, in 40 years of friendship, I can guarantee that this has not been the only time the two of you have had to forgive each other about something. Forgiveness is part of love, no matter what kind of relationship you have. People makes mistakes, we sometimes hurt each other. I find it hard to believe she won't come around with 40 years invested in a friendship with you.

[abcd1234]

Thank you guys. Right now I just go on with my life and see if she contacts me. We've had our ups and downs but nothing nearly like this. There is no middle ground with her and that's not always good. She can be as good as gold or she overkills. I notice too that she gets very defensive sometimes and could jump down your throat.I don't know where she gets this from. At any rate the ball is in her court.