No friends

[Anonymous]

At what age did you lose your friends?

In primary school (5 - 11), I was really shy, but I did make some friends. In secondary school, I was even worse. I hated break and dinner times because I just had to sit on my own, most of the time. Sometimes, they'd make everyone go outside, which was horrible because I just had to wander around, on my own, doing FA (Fanny Adams, or Fatty Arbuckle, if you want). It wouldn't have been so bad if no one were watching but the shit part was that everyone could see you, on your own, all of the time. It's not that I had absolutely 0 friends. I had one friend but I was on my own, most of the time. She was my best friend when we were younger but, from the age of 12 upwards, we weren't as close. At university, I speak to some people but I never made any friends. As a result, there are no stepping stones to meet other people. When I talk to other people, they seem hostile. I know they don't really like me and I can't really hold it against them. At the same time, I think they're really rude for not pretending to like me. I hate people pretending to be nice but I still think it's good manners to pretend to be nice so they can't win, with me. They need a few smacks on the ass with a wooden spoon, if you ask me, but I digress.

There is nothing 'wrong' with me, in the sense that I am not diagnosed with any mental abnormality (but I could be an asshole). At school, some teachers and some of my peers seemed to think that I was, in some way, handicapped (maybe they thought I was autistic or something like that), which I'm not. I'm just not witty enough to respond to any remarks. I had a hard time with conversations and facial expressions. I always thought that I'd start to blossom once I got away from school. I'm 23, now, and that hasn't happened. Does anyone have any stories about blossoming late in their 20s or in their 30s or something?

At the moment, I've got no human friends. I've got a dog, at home, though. Having no human friends, I never got a chance to start taking drugs (no contacts), which is probably a bit shit. I'm actually too uncool to take drugs. If I started taking drugs, it would be an insult to the entire subculture.

I'd like to hear that most people have boring lives until they're 25, and then everything starts coming up Milhouse and then Miss Honey comes to adopt you and you go to live on Lollipop Lane, plz thnx.

[InbetweenDreams]

Have you ever tried to get people to hang out with you? No not everyone does drugs, or needs to be in a clique... I had few friends in school myself so I know how that is and eh I don't know that it gets a lot better but one thing I can say though, the more people you put yourself around the more likely you are to have friends... If all you do is work and go home and never go out but to do the things you need to do like grocery shop you're not putting yourself on a path to meet anyone to be friends with.

If it makes you feel better, I'm 30, I'm single and life is often a bit boring and monotonous at times.

I am curious why you give the impression that you assume no one likes you at all...or why you get the impression that other people are being hostile with you? Have some examples when this happened? Or why someone might have come off this way?

I doubt you are any more weird or have any more of a problem than the next person. I used to think there was something wrong with me, socially awkward... I kind of used to be but I do think I am pretty much a normal guy now that I have loosened up a little bit. I talk a lot more to people now than I did in high school, or even my 20's...

Anyway, some food for thought... If there's anything I can say is that friends are hard to find, plus factor in being gay...not everyone is gay friendly either... I find that I have more gay male friends than straight friends...but that just might be me...and no nothing sexual about those friendships, just to throw that in there...

[Confuzzled4]

I didn't really have friends until I got to high school. Then after high school I made very few new friends, even to this day. I was depressed for many many years, so it stopped a lot of new friendships from forming, not sure if that's the case for you, I don't want to assume but it does make forming new friendships impossible. After high school people tend to drift apart and start to lose friends. Losing some of those friends hasn't bothered me, except for one.... That happened last year, but the situation was not the norm. You can find a club or activity you enjoy and meet people that way, there are ways. Unfortunately, most of us tend to not form too many friendships past a certain age, at least I've seen this here in the states. There's really very little appreciation for people here, the average number of friends an adult has has gone down year after year. It's to the point where people say their family are their friends, or their spouse is their best friend. This isn't touching, it's just plain sad. Just some things for you to consider.

[Cowboy]

I have two suggestions.

first idea You could join a gang?

second idea Get a hobby and excel at it, and offer others advice so they can be as good as you, I only have two real friends Jamie (Man) my former crush and bff and Britt (Woman). I met Britt through a tabletop wargaming club at school, I am really good and I helped her learn how to play, paint, and convert models. We would always team up in 2 v 2 battles and now we're great friends. Its not easy you have to work at it.

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER

[deephiance]

I still have the same friends I had 40 years ago, never had to pretend to be polite. A friend that you can't call a fucking cunt and then laugh in hysterics is not a real friend.

So I don't really know how to find friends other than perhaps shoot up and get pissed or throw bricks through your neighbourly shop window.

[drobs]

I had 2 really good friends growing up from grade school to post college. I made a couple more in college but have mostly lost track of those friends since moving away from the area. Most of the friends I've made as an adult are either from work or a shared hobby. In my 20's that hobby was drinking and shooting.

Working overseas, I've made some good friends (co-workers - drinking buddies) that have moved on / away from the job. Now I'm finding myself looking for new friends again.

The question comes down to how to make completely new friends?

I think that starts with making small talk.

Making small talk is skill that you have to practice. Especially, if you are not comfortable with it.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/08/22...mall-talk/

When meeting new people I try to get them to talk about themselves. Do they have a hobby or interest that we might share in common? I can't talk sports (have no interest) but can talk cars, 4wd trucks, fishing, hunting, shooting & guns.

I know some folks are really into music, I'm not, I like all types of music but don't memorize bands or have a type of music that I'm that knowledgeable on. That being said I can find something else to talk about or maybe I can learn something new and then take it back to a future conversation with them.

Edited to add, some more reading:
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/10/28...e-friends/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/04/17...-new-city/
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/02/21...adulthood/

Lastly, my partner and I, have made far more quality friends moving to the sticks of Missouri than we ever had in the burbs of Chicago. We have a group of folks that get together weekly for potluck dinners and movie night. Each person / family / couple hosts. Our group is a LGBT group w/ both gay and straight members.

I've also made some good straight friends from my hobby of shooting who get together frequently. Lastly we have a neighbors helping neighbors group in the area where we've made additional friends.

One more point - I like shooting pool (billiards - 8 Ball / 9 Ball - for you UK folks). I'm decent at it and find it's a good way to meet people. Most dive bars in the US have a pool table with someone that wants to play. Either I'm on my game and will win a couple or I'm off my game and will loose non-stop. Fact is I've made some decent acquaintances that became friends from shooting pool in bars.

[Marcus]

Sorry, I don't have a story of an introvert kid blossoming into a man who gets out of loneliness...sadly, I can see myself in most of what you said, expecially your youth, but I did have a few "stepping stones" at some points, so I got to know a *lot* of "friends". It didn't work out as I hoped though...I enjoyed it while it lasted but as time went on I had to face the reality that we just didn't go well together. Now I'm left with a few friends to hang out with...we're on very different wavelengths, so I still feel bored, alone, sad. Having a chat, drinking together, going for a walk is fun and all, but I'm not sure I can call a "friend" someone who disagrees on everything that I find important, expecially when they do so out of ignorance.

Anyway, it's not gonna change if you sit down and do nothing. Why don't you make your own stepping stone? Hook up with someone on a dating site, after a while they can introduce you to their friends. I've met a lot of people that way; through those people, I got to know even more. I was even lucky enough to find a guy who shared most of my views, he was one of the few people I knew who could properly speak italian, we enjoyed discussing stuff, but he wanted something more and I didn't. Who knows, you might be luckier

[drobs]

Here's an old book that is still required reading at many companies.

How to Win Friends and Influence People:
http://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1...twfaip.pdf

And another one.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
https://www.depts.ttu.edu/upwardbound/bo...people.pdf

More books:
http://www.businessinsider.com/33-busine...30-2015-12

[Cowboy]

This reminds me of the movie " I Love You Man " the main character played by Paul Rudd has the same problem you do.

[kindy64]

I've had friends on and off throughout my life. Usually only have one or two really solid friends at any give time. Currently am friendless, as my ex-wife got all our friends when I separated from her.