struggling with depression

[Rocky Racoon]

Don't know where to start really, have been struggling on and off with depression and anxiety for the last three years. I'm prone to severe panic attacks and have noticed lately I've developed a noticeable twitch in my left hand when feeling anxious of under any stress. This in turn causes me more anxiety as I worry about people seeing this happen and start asking questions.

Over the last 3 months this has gotten progressively worse and I now find myself unable to sleep, barely eating and closing myself off from friends and family, whilst trying to 'act' as if everything is OK, again to avoid questions and been put in a position where I feel even more vunerable.

I'm really at the end of the road now, have tried seeking councelling but find it hard to open myself up even then. Considering committing suicide because of this and am at he stage where I can't see a positive solution to my problems.

Do any of you guys suffer/ have suffered with depression before? Any advice you guy could possibly give me would be a massive help.

Gaz

[salamander7]

Have you set goals for yourself to work towards? Sometimes that helps take your mind off things, and can give you a boost of self-confidence when you meet them.

I doubt anyone will question you if your hands shake. I deal with all kinds of strange people on a daily basis, and don't give second thoughts to any of them.

[Genersis]

Please don't do anything brash!
Your obviously a great guy!
Things will get better!(hhmmm actually i always find it anoying when people say that!:redface

How old are you?
When I was in school I got bullied nonstop, as a result I've now got Deppresion caused by social anxietey. I find myself staying indoors all the time, venturing out for my fortnightly psycho therapy.
Do you think there might be something which has triggered your anxiety?

I only have one friend, we're pretty close(although we both have trouble talking about the more serious things, especialy in person) but I really feel he's unable to help me.
Lately I have been trying to pop out at least once a week but have Been struggling to find reasons to go out.

I've also got a twitch, of my left eyes bottom eye lid thingy. although its more random when it starts acting up. And I find it hard to go anywhere near secondary school kids and young adults(Those who still behave and dress like secondary school kids) And always have nightmares of secondary school.
This has all been going on for two years.

I found the best way(for me) to become slightly positive was to eliminate and avoid stress. once I stopped worrying over things, like my future and finished school I found it a lot easyer to be slightly more positive.
First I'll sort this problem out, THEN i will think about my future and all the other stressfull things I really don't need to be thinking about!

I'm not sure if my advice is any good but MANY HUGS!:biggrin:

PS: This site also helpped A TON! Thank you all!

[fredv3b]

Don't do anything you might regret. Go see a doctor.

[marshlander]

Gaz,

Really sorry to read about your troubles. I lived with bouts of depression for most of my adult life. To be honest while I had years of counselling and spent some time on anti-depressants (my condition never got so bad that I needed anything very dramatic) I did become suicidal once or twice. More by luck than anything else I pulled away from the edge and I can only say that now I am glad that I did.

Better than any therapy I ever had has been the relationship with my partner of the past few years. He would probably say he doesn't do anything special, but he is the only person who can deal with me when I am heading down. I am sorry to have inflicted that on him, but he can hold me and talk to me until things begin to matter again. As the years have gone by I have visited that dark, despairing place with decreasing frequency.

The only thing I can say is to reinforce what Genersis says about taking life in tiny chunks. Just deal with getting through now. I found that medication helped to blank out some of the demands my body was making on me and counselling gave me a chance to begin to articulate ideas that were once completely out of reach.

There is nothing quite like the time when one first sees a tiny pin-prick of light and realises that hope may just be an option.

Suicide is always an option, of course, but contrary to what Fred seems to be suggesting (and I rarely disagree with Fred) you'll not be the one to regret it, although it is the ultimate act of revenge against people who do love you.

I hope you can find the support you need. We'll help if we can, but intervention from real people is probably better.

In the meantime, this is probably wildly inappropriate, but I've always wished I'd written this song. It's called "Unrequited to the Nth Degree" and is sung by one of my favourite songwriters Loudon Wainright III (father of Rufus). Are your twitches anything like this

Best wishes

[Gaywolf]

Hello!

Ever tried out a therapy? Also Prozac, a selective serotonine reuptake inhibitor, can help. At least, it helped me when I was depressive years ago.

Best regards;
Gaywolf

[Boysstuff]

A visit to the doctor is the best place to start, medicine and therapy will be a good road to recovery, I wish you well and keep us informed.

[juk]

Hi Gaz,

I have lived for years with a cyclic form of depression. I have had times when I have reached very low points, and considered many things. You will know that in a low point its hard to see a way forward and that makes tackling the depression really difficult.

There are many counsellors out there they are like restaurants - some are awful, some are ok and some are bloody brilliant. Sometimes you have to try a few before you discover the one thats right for you.

I hate medication, but have learned that anti depressant medication can be the thing to make life just that bit easier to tackle - if you are not taking any why not see a doctor.

Now, at my lowest times things could have gone badly, it was a close thing many times. So I made myself a promise that however low I felt I would use whatever amount of inner strength to meet a basic need of keeping myself safe, anything beyond that was a bonus.

One other small tip you might like to try is writing down whats on your mind. I often find that pouring my thoughts onto paper (or a word document) eases some of the feelings I have. I write it, read it through then delete/bin it. It can be quite effective, worth a try.

So Gaz, please keep yourself safe. If you have people around who can help you stay safe, talk to them. Get yourself some help and take it in steps.

[JtheYoungBear]

A day at a time man. I battle my own depression and bipolar, some days are really good, some days I just wish someone would put a bullet in my brain (can never get myself to think about suicide, I am so against it). I wish you the best of luck.

[Rocky Racoon]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies guys means a heck of a lot. As you can see from the time of this post my insomnia hasn't relented. (gotta call work in 3 hours for a quick chat with my manager sho probably not helping!)

I'll try and answer everyones q's. if I miss ya sorry just let me know and I'll answer as honestly and openly as I possibly can.

Salamander; Setting goals is something I haven't done but seems like good advice thanks. I imagine keeping them simple is a must lol.

Genersis, I'm 24, 25 on 23rd of this month, thought I'd put my age on show but hadn't whoops changed now. As far as my anxiety goes I'm not sure what has triggered it this time however I have a couple of ideas, firstly work as the job I'm in currently I hate its a sales role, took the job when made redundant as had bills to pay but got stuck in a rut and the rest as they say, Family issues are another, and being stuck in york,, probably doesn't help although doesnt contribute to my anxiety, maybe the depression though,

Sorry to hear of your problems too I HATE bullies and have been part of various 'anti-bullying' rallies/sponsors in the past, If you wanna talk bout it please pm/invite me to chat.

Marshlander; Yeah day by day seems to be the way forward atm, unfortunately my body clock likes to play games with me so its more night by night. Oh the video was great made me laugh which was welcome mile: nice to see a young Jasoer Carrot there too.

juk; I am starting to keep a daily journal writing things down no matter how large or small that affect my day. Also I feel more relaxed when out of my head and on screen (its a pc based blog, as wouldn't be able to read my handwriting after!)

Thanks to all you other guys who have posted messages of support you are all fab! One piece of good news to share, I've decided to try having councelling sessions again.

Love to you all