So here is the deal... I have been with this guy for over 3 years now. Just recently he has started talking about wanting an open relationship or at least exploring more sex options I guess. He said he wanted to be open and honest with me about it.
Well, the other day i came home and he said would I rather have a 3some or an open relationship. I asked why... Turns out he has been talking about sex with this guy for a couple days and now wants to have sex with him. I told him if those were my only options... it would be a 3some. Don;t get me wrong, a 3some sounds fun, just thought we would find the guy together, not him cruising the internet then deciding for us.
I am still not sure how to feel about this. We have what I think is a good sex life. And he says that there is nothing missing in our relationship, but I cannot understand why he is choosing to do this then.
Anyone else here have an open relationship like this. where your boyfriend texts and IM;s sex talk with other? I told him I think I would be ok with it if I knew when it was happening and he told me what they were talking about... or at least give me a chance to sex talk with him when he was bored and horny... he didn't really respond to that though.
Just like to hear others thoughts on this. Until this week, I thought I was in an exclusive relationship and I would be the one to stray if either of us did, being I am always wanting sex and he does not.
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Hmm... I don't have much experience here. My boyfriend "hates" 3somes, and I've never had one. But which do you think came first?: His idea for an open relationship/3some, or meeting this guy on the web?
It seems like maybe he's been talking to people on the web for a while, (i am sometimes guilty of this...) and this guy might be one that really caught his eye.
Not that it makes any difference, really. I think you should be completely involved in the decision to make the relationship open or trying the 3some. Make sure he knows that you have doubts. Since he didn't respond to the first time you tried, I'd try again.
"I told him if those were my only options.."
remember that those aren't your only options; you can put your foot down, but it might be losing him. It sounds like you value a monogamous relationship though.
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this "open relationship" - thinking after 3 years ...and only for sex ... I don´t know if this is a good way ... then someone maybe gets jealous and so on.
I would try another way ... search for another couple who has the same thoughts ... and if all 4 want it, you all can meet and whatever..... so you can get some new friends .. all know where they are and who is the partner. For my opinion this is a much better solution, just if you don´t know what you feel and if you want it... and it is better than search for unknown or strange people...and if someone don´t want it again you can much easier stop it.
But... just my opinion...
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I guess I am more asking about our relationship. Not the 3some. I am just not sure that this is what I want. If I can be that open relationship or multiple person partner.
I love him to death, but is this pain thinking about him wanting another guy (the sexting and IMing and asking about open relationships) or multiple guys worth staying for? Will it get easier, is this just something he is going through and it will not last? Will he fall for one of the other guys and hurting me in the end?
I just do not know and not sure I want to find out. And it seems he is not to concerned about it or thinking that he is doing anything wrong. Even after we talked about it.
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It sounds like you are going along with this to hang on to your man, rather than going along with it because open relationship/3some is something you want. Will it get better with time? I personally think that it will get more difficult with time.
Some couples are up for open/3somes and it works because they are both singing from the same hymn sheet - when you have one thats less than 100% open to the option then they end up feeling a whole manner of feelings.
From couples I have known who are in such relationships, they (other guys and 3somes) have tended to become more frequent.
Just make sure you look after your own feelings here and dont do anything that you are not 100% sure about
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that is exactly what I've thought when I read your post... i think you both should very honest talk about feelings.... its the wrong way if you act like " the bull in the House" and in your feelings it hurts you.... tell him what you feel ... what you want.....
Sometimes it can be a good way to have your man on a long rope and let him have sex with someone as long as he watch the rules ... but you both must be very honest.... you both should try this " test it with a couple"-thing first... if he needs it... and you see, that he only wants sex ... like maybe sport :-)
And that he needs or want it is not a sign that he does not love YOU.
You must watch wich way works for you .... and if you really don´t want it, then you should tell him.
I always say "it's just sex, nothing will be broken and everything stays where it was previously too".... my ex-partner has done it so... and it was ok for me. And it was not the reason why I have kicked him out...
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And that he needs or want it is not a sign that he does not love YOU.
Very good advice fenris!
What I would offer as advice is to first communciate with him but before that...communicate honestly with yourself. Ask yourself hard questions...push your own boudaries...get out of your comfort zone and be bold about the questions and thoughtful about the answers. For example.....are your ideas about sex and love a product of fiction novels and Hollywood Movies?
Good Luck?
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In my experience, when you open a door in to your relationship you can't complain if someone walks through and in to it and also if one of you walks out.
In the meantime, play safe!
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