Hey there Crisit21, I've just read your whole thread here. Sounds like a very emotionally difficult time for you. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out. It probably won't make you feel any better, but please try to remember that you are still very young, and you have many opportunities ahead of you to meet someone else.
I can understand you wanting to be high so you don't have to feel the pain of losing your relationship. But you should allow yourself to feel some of the pain, otherwise you'll just trap it inside and it will come out eventually, maybe in a later relationship. Let yourself grieve, let yourself cry and be sad for a while. This is how your body and soul cleanses you of pain so you can be refreshed and heal.
It sounds like perhaps a big part of your problem is that your boyfriend was everything to you. It doesn't sound like you had many other friends at all. I know from experience that it is not wise to look to your boyfriend for all your needs. I would recommend that you spend some good time making solid friendships, people who will be there for you the next time you have a rough patch in life. Instead of needing to get high because you can't stand to be alone in the pain, you could be in the comfort of friends who care about you.
Anyway, I'm not sure how much of this you will understand, since I am guessing English is not your first language. But take heart. You aren't the first person to suffer a heartbreak. You will be ok. It hurts like hell at first, but let yourself cry and try to make friends and do things you enjoy. It will get better.
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