04-22-2011, 07:12 PM
Hello everybody.
Yes, me too, could need some advice on my currently really bad situation. But first of all, as I read in other posts here, I do not seek a one-time advice and will be gone, I really appreciate everybody who helps with their own experience and advice and hope to be able to give back in other situations as well. I think it is a great forum, and many listen to advice given here in some way or another.
So thank you all already for your time and help.
I guess we all have our stories, issues, and we believe that our relationships are unique in the world in beauty, intensity etc. In away, we are right, and here lies the beauty of it all: We all claim and feel that way.
So me, until recently.
I am 25 years old, German and French from origin and in September last year I decided to continue my studies and work in London, UK, where I already finished my school. So on gayromeo (the dating site most of you will know I guess) I chatted with someone who wanted to share a flat, and I also because of the costs liked that idea. I must add that I never had a relationship with a boy before, only with girls, (although I had some "affairs"), so the whole thing, also gayromeo, was quite new for me.
So we decided to meet and liked each other and decided to share a flat. He is Brazilian, one year younger than me, and came, for the first time, to Europe, to study English.
We really came along great, but with great I really mean it, it seemed like one of those very rare encounters everybody has at some time. I must say that because I travelled a lot in my life, met a lot of people of all kinds, but this was quite something.
And after one month, when we only were great friends, to such an extent that I could nearly say he became my best friend in shortest time, we started dating. And honestly, it was just great.. Every free minute we could spend together we turned into gold, we did everything together, I taught him languages, went to museums and concerts with him etc. So similar in many points, and -equally important-different in many others. I shared my most profound secrets with him not even my family knows.
As for him, his family, stemming from traditionally conservative catholic Brazil, was not supposed to know about his orientation, as he feared that then they would cut short the support for him, as he was planning to also do his Master in London.
To make it shorter, after 3 months of dating, already making the wildest plans, and in months where we had only a few minor fights, normal to a couple spending so much time together, I had to go to Germany for surgery(as I am insured there). I was able to return earlier than previewed and surprised him - or rather he me as I found him with another guy. It was horrible, and the week that followed as well. He treated it as something somehow normal, I could not understand it, and not because I was jealous or something, but we trusted each other completely, on everything.
It was a week when we were just fighting, day and night, and it had its peak one evening when I was so frustrated that I left to go out with some friends and did not return until the next day at night, and he got worried about my whereabouts that he called my mother in Paris, and she, sensing that the whole situation was really messed up, told him that I had problems already in my previous relationships and he better stay away from me. I dont know why she did that, cause I never really had issues in my previous Rs,(with girls only), some friends say she wanted him away from me by saying that(not because we are gay, cause she accepted that straight away when I told her). However, she did great damage by that as when I returned, a friend of him was in the flat, with all his things already packed and he just leaving, saying that he was "scared". I didnt understand the world anymore. In that same week, I had some really really important appointments as well which I all could not realize as I had no strength to do anything.
Further, I heard that in a conversation with his mother, it somehow slipped him that he was gay and his family was really serious about that as well.
So this is the story until then. A great love, suddenly broken, we all go through this.
But what came then really put me on the edge of everything, body and soul. Because I did not want to give up, and went to Brasil twice, to speak to him and his family plus to help him with his situation he then faced there himself. But he would not speak or even see me, his parents were very cool as well where they have been very nice before. So every time I returned, I grew even more frustrated. I cried nearly every day, dropped my job, could not sleep, just horrible. This initial problem snowballed into something so big, I don't know what to do anymore. My whole friends, and even people who are not interested, are involved in that, my family suffers really a lot to see me suffering like that, but it doesn't help. Now most of my friends know that I am gay which they did not before and many other things. I spent near to 10000 EUR on travelling around and around, and after him, trying to influence things in some way, wrote countless mails, but nothing.
It never entered my mind how someone I helped so much when he was in a culture, environment strange to his, who I shared day and night together so intensively, reacts like that, and more, knows the way I am suffering, and does nothing about it. Not even a few consolating words.
This cheating that triggered everything is now nearly 5 months ago, and me being a highly ambitious person with great academic achievements and other, have lost all that time to my own feelings, trapped in something I just do not find out. It was like a stillstand, hoping every day for some reply, a sign, a word.
It even went so far that I developped "revenge"-thoughts, something completely strange to me before, as I thought he influenced my life so much, and he does not care at all.
Please give me some advice, I will listen to all.
Thank you, again, so much,
Alex
Yes, me too, could need some advice on my currently really bad situation. But first of all, as I read in other posts here, I do not seek a one-time advice and will be gone, I really appreciate everybody who helps with their own experience and advice and hope to be able to give back in other situations as well. I think it is a great forum, and many listen to advice given here in some way or another.
So thank you all already for your time and help.
I guess we all have our stories, issues, and we believe that our relationships are unique in the world in beauty, intensity etc. In away, we are right, and here lies the beauty of it all: We all claim and feel that way.
So me, until recently.
I am 25 years old, German and French from origin and in September last year I decided to continue my studies and work in London, UK, where I already finished my school. So on gayromeo (the dating site most of you will know I guess) I chatted with someone who wanted to share a flat, and I also because of the costs liked that idea. I must add that I never had a relationship with a boy before, only with girls, (although I had some "affairs"), so the whole thing, also gayromeo, was quite new for me.
So we decided to meet and liked each other and decided to share a flat. He is Brazilian, one year younger than me, and came, for the first time, to Europe, to study English.
We really came along great, but with great I really mean it, it seemed like one of those very rare encounters everybody has at some time. I must say that because I travelled a lot in my life, met a lot of people of all kinds, but this was quite something.
And after one month, when we only were great friends, to such an extent that I could nearly say he became my best friend in shortest time, we started dating. And honestly, it was just great.. Every free minute we could spend together we turned into gold, we did everything together, I taught him languages, went to museums and concerts with him etc. So similar in many points, and -equally important-different in many others. I shared my most profound secrets with him not even my family knows.
As for him, his family, stemming from traditionally conservative catholic Brazil, was not supposed to know about his orientation, as he feared that then they would cut short the support for him, as he was planning to also do his Master in London.
To make it shorter, after 3 months of dating, already making the wildest plans, and in months where we had only a few minor fights, normal to a couple spending so much time together, I had to go to Germany for surgery(as I am insured there). I was able to return earlier than previewed and surprised him - or rather he me as I found him with another guy. It was horrible, and the week that followed as well. He treated it as something somehow normal, I could not understand it, and not because I was jealous or something, but we trusted each other completely, on everything.
It was a week when we were just fighting, day and night, and it had its peak one evening when I was so frustrated that I left to go out with some friends and did not return until the next day at night, and he got worried about my whereabouts that he called my mother in Paris, and she, sensing that the whole situation was really messed up, told him that I had problems already in my previous relationships and he better stay away from me. I dont know why she did that, cause I never really had issues in my previous Rs,(with girls only), some friends say she wanted him away from me by saying that(not because we are gay, cause she accepted that straight away when I told her). However, she did great damage by that as when I returned, a friend of him was in the flat, with all his things already packed and he just leaving, saying that he was "scared". I didnt understand the world anymore. In that same week, I had some really really important appointments as well which I all could not realize as I had no strength to do anything.
Further, I heard that in a conversation with his mother, it somehow slipped him that he was gay and his family was really serious about that as well.
So this is the story until then. A great love, suddenly broken, we all go through this.
But what came then really put me on the edge of everything, body and soul. Because I did not want to give up, and went to Brasil twice, to speak to him and his family plus to help him with his situation he then faced there himself. But he would not speak or even see me, his parents were very cool as well where they have been very nice before. So every time I returned, I grew even more frustrated. I cried nearly every day, dropped my job, could not sleep, just horrible. This initial problem snowballed into something so big, I don't know what to do anymore. My whole friends, and even people who are not interested, are involved in that, my family suffers really a lot to see me suffering like that, but it doesn't help. Now most of my friends know that I am gay which they did not before and many other things. I spent near to 10000 EUR on travelling around and around, and after him, trying to influence things in some way, wrote countless mails, but nothing.
It never entered my mind how someone I helped so much when he was in a culture, environment strange to his, who I shared day and night together so intensively, reacts like that, and more, knows the way I am suffering, and does nothing about it. Not even a few consolating words.
This cheating that triggered everything is now nearly 5 months ago, and me being a highly ambitious person with great academic achievements and other, have lost all that time to my own feelings, trapped in something I just do not find out. It was like a stillstand, hoping every day for some reply, a sign, a word.
It even went so far that I developped "revenge"-thoughts, something completely strange to me before, as I thought he influenced my life so much, and he does not care at all.
Please give me some advice, I will listen to all.
Thank you, again, so much,
Alex
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
