i dont know what to do

[Wolf]

Hey everyone. So i'm thinking about joining the gay-straight alliance at my school so that i can go meet other people and just have fun. the problem is, i'm afraid this will probably lead to my roommates finding out that i'm gay, and a possible bad reaction. other people i don't mind so much about others finding out, but the difference is i have to live with these guys, and i don't want to live with those who can't stand me. What should i do if they react bady?

And then i've been dying to come out to my family, because i want them to know. I think it would help them to understand me a lot better, why i'm so shy and soft-spoken, and why i never dated in high school. my mom and brother i know will be cool with it, but my dad.....hard to say, but i believe he'll get used to it. The worst is most of the rest of my family is homophobic. I'm araid of getting bashed yes, but i dont want that to fall on my parents, them getting ridiculed for having a gay son etc. So, how should i handle this? Should i not come out to the rest of my family at all?

(long post sorry)

[SleepTalker]

I think you should come out to your family. Why should you have to hide your true self to please others. They will eventually get used to it and if they dont then theres nothing you can do about it. You cant change who you are. I get why you are afraid of your roommates turning on you, but I still think you should go through with it. If they do turn on you theres nothing you can do but hold your head high and show them that youre not afraid of them.

[fenris]

HI,

it seems that there are a some possibilities :

Talk to your roommate first ... so you can see his reaction and he is not surprised if others tell him that you are gay ...

Work in this gay-straight alliance without telling someone that you are gay, be only neutral - and if you see you can life with the reactions.. go further.

And with your parents: I think that is the most important thing : If you are not sure what to do... wait, don´t rush.... Tell it only if you are sure that you can life with their reaction ( or you are strong enough to tell them that it don´t care you what they think )

With your family and all your friends : You can´t do it right for everyone.... if you start to think about the reaction from all the people you know and if you want to be "everybodys darling" you ends complete mad in Hospital Sort people in very important people and less important people.... tell it personally to all the people which are very important people for you and your Life and thats it. It can´t be your job to tell everyone around you about your sexual preferences - these people would not talk about there own sexual preferences with you, too

[Rawr]

Make subtle hints to your room mates to find out if there more accepting or homophobic. If there accepting you should feel a lot more comfortable about coming out to them.

There is no need to rush the whole coming out process. It's best to do it when you feel most comfortable. remember that they'll have to find out some time. I think it'd be easier to come out to your family as your not living with them. as for the rest of your family, don't worry about them. It your life, and you should do what makes you happy, if they can't see that then you better off without them.

my internet is going off, so I've had to rush this post... hope it's not to confuseing, I would have explained more/ wrote more, but time is against me. I may edit it in the morning.

[Waylon777]

Hint them something about gay guys, and see their reaction. But, if any of your roommates finds out, and is homophobic or somewhere around there, I think you can switch rooms.

[Wolf]

Thank you everyone for the advice!

[marshlander]

You've had some sound advice already. I'll just add that you are unlikely ever to be at peace if you are always looking over your shoulder. Though painful at times, coming out often proves to be the best decision most people make. It means you can live with integrity. That's what pride should be about. I have no regrets about coming out at all; just that I left it so long.

Best wishes.