Horribly Humiliating. I'm Losing Faith with People.

[dfiant]

Thank you so much for your story Jay, I enjoyed reading it and I am so pleased and releived that you are so well and happy. You have the perfect attitude and outlook on life to not only take you where ever you want to be, but touch the lives of many along the way.

I'm proud of you, and it was an absolute pleasure to share SMS contact with you the whole way through your experience.

Daz

[ceez]

P/S: Y'know my surgeon asked if I'll be okay to have a lot of scars on my body due to the first surgery and upcoming surgeries. "I'll survive." I smiled to him. If a guy can't accept me due to the scars on my body, well he can kiss my butt. I don't care. I treat these scars like tattoos. My scars are signs of me being a badass.

You've accomplished a lot and someone as kind as you shouldn't have a problem finding someone. I'm glad to hear that your doing better and that your surgery was a success. and you really should consider speaking at the hospital, you could motivate a lot of people to take better care of themselves. I just thought it was kind of ironic to leave two big boxes of donuts for the staff after telling your weight loss story

[Rainbowmum]

Jay , you are such and inspiration and I am so very proud of you.:biggrin:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Welcome Home Jay!

Glad to hear surgery went well and you are on the fast track of recovery.

[Jay]

Thanks everyone.

The corset is killing me though. Well, okay not really but it really compresses my body that still being covered with dressing. So it can feel really uncomfortable at times. But I have to wear it 24/7 in order to get the best result. Besides it cost me freaking 650 bucks. Ouch.

I'm also trying my best to walk in straight posture. My surgeon said it is crucial as my back can easily wound if I do not practice a proper posture. It is slightly difficult due to the corset that I'm wearing.

I just thought it was kind of ironic to leave two big boxes of donuts for the staff after telling your weight loss story

To think of it, yeah. It is ironic. But it's okay Ceez. Just because I'm into healthy living and good dietary, it doesn't mean people around me need to practice the same thing. If they want to, great. But I do not like to force people. We are all grown ups.

Besides living healthy doesn't mean you have to axe and sacrifice your favorite doughnut etc. Healthy living should be joyous and not torturous. If my friends drag me to eat pizza or pasta, I'm game. But I don't touch McDonald's, KFC and carbonated drinks. I can tolerate with Subway. I ate Popeyes once and I survived. Hur, hur ...

Confession, I ate chocolate chip oat cookies and apple cinnamon cookies day and night whilst I was in the hospital. I don't feel guilty at all because I know that I will run and do exercise like crazy after I have fully recovered.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Thanks everyone.

If my friends drag me to eat pizza or pasta, I'm game. But I don't touch McDonald's, KFC and carbonated drinks. I can tolerate with Subway. I ate Popeyes once and I survived. Hur, hur ...

Its amazing all the great things America has exported to the world.....

We eat 'junk food' on Saturdays... that is when my partner cooks....(Its all he knows how to cook besides eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches:o) through the years I have discovered that Mc Fried Lard and the rest make me physically ill... Too much lard/fat/grease makes me ill now. Rest of the week I refrain from excess fats and sugars... the net result is my body has forgotten how to process fats and excess sugars.

[East]

Jay...welcome back and I am so happy that your surgery was a success.....it is great that you are healing faster than expected. I hope you are feeling better emotionally now as well....I wish I were there so I could give you a hug....you are an amazing man Jay.

[Jay]

Hi guys,

I'm just going to use the old thread that I've made as I'm going to post the same subject.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Appointment with Surgeon

Last Wednesday, I went to see my surgeon as he wanted to remove stitches, to check my progress and to discuss the next surgery.

I originally wasn't allowed to run for six months but my surgeon changed his mind after he noticed my speed recovery.

I returned to stairs climbing exercise on the third week after the surgery. I was stubborn and wasn't comfortable to leave exercise for a long period of time. Thankfully my body approved my stubbornness.

I've slowly went back to running on last Monday. I jogged slowly and wasn't sprinting as my spine still feels kind of stiff. I jogged for 100 meters and then swapped it with 100 meters of brisk walk. I continued to swap between these two cardios for 30 minutes.

I have also returned to weight lifting. Nothing heavy though.

Physically I feel great right now.

Next Surgery

The next surgery will be on 21st May 2012. I will be admitted into hospital on 20th May 2012.

Unlike the first surgery, the second surgery will involve most parts of my body. The second surgery is also meant to resume the unfinished surgery from the first.

According to my surgeon, the second surgery will take approximately 6 hours to complete. Less an hour from the first surgery. Surgery will begin at 9 am.

If my second surgery cannot be completed within the time frame, my surgeon will have to schedule and arrange for third surgery.

Unexpected Sacrifice

I was planning to keep this to myself but what the heck, it doesn't matter anymore.

My surgeon told me that I will have to sacrifice something in order to make the second surgery successful.

One part of the second surgery is to fix my chest. In order to fix my chest, he has to reposition my nipples. Unfortunately the only way he can reposition my nipples is by making new holes on my chest, cut off my existence nipples and sew them onto the new holes.

He has to cut all the nerves that are connected to my nipples.

As a result, my nipples will no longer able to feel any kind of sensation after the surgery. My new nipples are just mere chest decoration.

I was stunned when he told me this. I gave him a nervous laugh. But I have no other choice but to go for it.

Fell Hard

Mentally, I was down for the past two weeks. Sure, I smiled and laughed in front of of my friends but inside, I was tumbling down.

To make it worse, I kept bumping into those bastards (Chris and his friends) in my office building. They just returned from their Christmas holidays.

Last Monday, I shared elevator with Sam. He gave me a tiny smile. I looked at him blankly for a few seconds and then went back to play my game on my Iphone. For the first time, I didn't say hi and goodbye to Sam.

Yesterday, I had to share elevator with Nick. I wanted to take a different elevator but he saw me first.

Nick gave me a broad smile and went, "Hey!". He held the elevator for me to step in. Nick then went chatty with me. I restrained myself from being talkative. I guess Nick then noticed my strange attitude that he eventually stopped. Our elevator ride turned awkwardly quiet.

I felt kind of guilty towards Nick. Nick has always been friendly to me. But I do not know the level of his sincerity after I found out the whole thing. Besides, he is Chris' best friend.

During lunch time, I went to a supermarket that is located nearby to my office. I was browsing for tea when Chris and Nick suddenly appeared from nowhere. They were few feet away from me. Chris said something to Nick and then Nick looked at me. Chris then dashed away leaving Nick. I ignored Nick. I know that Chris said something about me but I had no idea what it was as I was listening to my Ipod Touch. Do I care? Honestly, no. What a bitter person he is.

Sorting Out

There are too many things that taking place in my life right now. I'm doing my best to sort everything out.

One thing that I have to admit right now is I'm scared. I'm not scared of the upcoming surgery (Touch wood). I'm scared of other things. As much as I want to talk about it, I can't. I can't talk about it to anyone. So I will keep it to myself and do my best to solve the problem by myself.

Another thing that I would like to point out - Last year, I was smacked , trashed and betrayed by a lot of so called friends and people around me. I think I can blame my naive attitude for that. I trust people too easily. In a way, this whole thing really hurts me but it will never change the person I am. Yeah, I have become more alert, cautious and wiser but I am still me.

If I may share something that I'm very proud of - I'm currently sponsoring a kid who lives in a poor country via NGO (Non Government Organization). I'm supporting my kid financially every month. So uh ... even if my life doesn't go the way I expect it to (Touch wood), at least I can help to change someone else's life for the better.

[dfiant]

Jay,

One thing you have to realise is that what happened with Chris and Nick was going to happen if not now, it would have happened somewhere down the track. It's just so unfortunate that it did happen at a time when you had so much on your plate.

I'm so pleased to hear that you are recovering a lot quicker than even your doctors expected, thats and awesome credit to you and your determination to keep fit and healthy. I can understand why you are nervous at the sacrifice you have to make with your nipples, it's daunting, but at the same time it isn't like you are losing an arm or a leg. You are getting the body you want but you will come out at the other end with numb nipples.

Don't rush your 'sorting out' phase, take your time. Try not to bottle too much up Jay, because keeping things to yourself can be just as harmful emotionally as the situations that you have had to deal with. I understand there are probably things that you need to keep private and I admire your resolve, but if you ever feel like it is getting too much, know that you have me, and I know there are others here that will say the same as me, to be here for you even if its just as a sounding board.

Good Luck Jay, you're an awesome person who deserves the best.

[mc888]

Well I see it another way though. If I were your friend I would have taken you out to lunch and told you in a much more discrete and quicker way ? or something ? you know what I mean ?

This is why I try to keep personal stuff to a minimum, you know unless your all out and then one thing pops out. I generally try to keep them "work friends". And when people do confess to me, I keep my mouth shut. So they know Chris is gay and you are gay. So what ?