Attention from the same-sex (without sexual tension)

[Drew]

So it's the holidays, and while I wish I was having a holly-jolly time with the boyfriend, unfortunately he does not exist.

I gave up looking for guys on Adam4Adam and Manhunt about two months ago and have deleted my accounts on them. I realized I was on those sites more for attention than for actually hooking up (I used to think I was just picky but I realized that it was more of an attention thing after I stopped looking). I really don't like hook-up sex; it feels forced and while it's hot for about the first 10 minutes I lose....potency....if I feel pressured to perform. I'd rather be with a long-term boyfriend that I feel relaxed around and that the sex is more spontaneous rather than forced.

I don't really have any prospects on OkCupid, so I'm not currently talking to anybody. While I don't consider myself an attention-whore, I wish I had a guy to talk to/share attnetion with during the holiday season. I'm going to Provincetown, MA, for New Years, by myself, but it'd be sweeter to be with someone.

Is there a way to talk/flirt with guys without feeling like a piece of meat (which is what the above websites and going to the bars make me feel like)? I'm frustrated constantly because of this, both sexually and psychologically. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. Any advice?

[dlboy53]

I wish I could help but I feel the same way at times.
Biggest thing is follow your heart I think it will lead you the right way.

[Pix]

One way some women flirt with guys without putting out a sexual vibe is asking for help (it can be something real minor, too, anything) or advice and showing friendliness and gratitude for it, and talking or meeting later afterwards.

Of course this doesn't always work at keeping sex (as opposed to LTR) out of the equation, and I think many men feel pressured to be aggressive sexually even when they may not actually feel like it. Also, fair warning, there are men who feel that if they do anything for you (even just buy you a coke) that you "owe" them and may cause trouble or even sexually assault you if you say no.

[LateBloomer]

So it's the holidays, and while I wish I was having a holly-jolly time with the boyfriend, unfortunately he does not exist.

I gave up looking for guys on Adam4Adam and Manhunt about two months ago and have deleted my accounts on them. I realized I was on those sites more for attention than for actually hooking up (I used to think I was just picky but I realized that it was more of an attention thing after I stopped looking). I really don't like hook-up sex; it feels forced and while it's hot for about the first 10 minutes I lose....potency....if I feel pressured to perform. I'd rather be with a long-term boyfriend that I feel relaxed around and that the sex is more spontaneous rather than forced.

I don't really have any prospects on OkCupid, so I'm not currently talking to anybody. While I don't consider myself an attention-whore, I wish I had a guy to talk to/share attnetion with during the holiday season. I'm going to Provincetown, MA, for New Years, by myself, but it'd be sweeter to be with someone.

Is there a way to talk/flirt with guys without feeling like a piece of meat (which is what the above websites and going to the bars make me feel like)? I'm frustrated constantly because of this, both sexually and psychologically. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. Any advice?

I think the best advice I've heard is to just take interest in YOUR OWN life.

Live an active and interesting life and other people will find that attractive.

And I'm not suggesting that you seem to live an dull and miserable life, quite the opposite. But I am hoping that you never give up. Frustration is normal. Just don't get bitter and give up.

Best,

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I only found one relationship in a bar, sure enough I got involved with a drunk - a piece of work - not a real piece of work, just a piece of work...

I have meet other relationship guys at parties (friend of a friend sort of thing thus a little more background on them), work, AA/NA meetings and on camping trips and other sorts of hobby/group activities where I am introduced to new people who share common hobbies - other than being gay.

Lets take a closer look at you. What do you like to do (other than sex)? Do you have hobbies/interests that other share, if so join a social group - you know where people actually group up at a single place to discuss or even do what it is they like.

There is a group for just about every activity under the sun. You just have to find those social 'networks' and start 'networking' meeting new people who have similar interests who also know other people of similar likes.

Grinder, Manhunt and the rest are hook-up places.

Is there a way to talk to others - yeah sure - I'm certain you do it all the time. You do not have to flirt with guys. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to find a mate - look for friends and acquaintances - folk who hold similar likes and dislikes. So how would you approach a person you would like to have a buddy (no sex, no kissing, no relationship - just friends)? Do that.

If something grows out of that beyond mere friendship - great, wonderful. Even if it doesn't you get one more friend, another person who will introduce you to lots of potential mates.

Be wary though, there are people in the world who feel that their duty in life is to get all of their friends paired off... They will hunt down potential mates, knock them over the head and drag them back to you and insist you date....:biggrin: