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confused by my ex boyfriends actions
#1
The first section is the back story, second section is the part pertaining to my question....


Ok, so this is my first time posting on here. Basically me and my ex were together over 4 years, we moved out together 3 months after meeting, he even proposed to me 5 months after meeting on his birthday (we didn't get married however as I thought it was too sone) I ended up becoming a jacka$$ to him with time as I was going through work/family issues and 1 year and 8 months after meeting he dumped me. The way I treated him I figured he was gone for good. We never went on trips, I never bought him any gifts even though he always treated me to nice things. We also fought about money often. Well for the first 3 months after the breakup we still remained in contact and even would hangout until one night we were going out and he started crying on the drive, told me he couldn't do it anymore that he has started talking to another guy and he turned the car around and sent me on my way. For the next 6 weeks we would have no contact until I went out to a bar, saw him in the parking lot drunk in his car, I knocked on the window and he drove off only to get a DUI down the road. Well 2 days later he contacted me, we hung out the following week and got back together. Long story short, we went on the last 2 years and everything was way better, we went places and did things. I spent $1000s on gifts for him as did he for me and we were finally going on trips.


Now fast forward to may 2016 right after my birthday things were not so great anymore. He would complain I was never happy, I wasn't affectionate enough anymore, and the sex was lacking. (we were no longer living on our own and I would only spend weekends at his dads house with him) I had became addicted to porn during the week and it would effect our weekends. Well, after many warnings and him catching me looking at other guys while in public while with him, he dumped me again. A week later I ran into him in a gay bar (same one he got his DUI from, only this time he didn't go alone but with a friend). He seemed excited to see me, jumped out of the seat and hugged me, we told each other we missed each other and loved each other, spent the whole night together with his friend and at the end of the night I asked him if I could see him again to which he replied "I'll let you know" the next 5 weeks I have not heard from him once. 37 days into the NC I decided to text him to tell him the new picture he posted on FB was cute. He actually replied saying...

Me: Nice pic
Him: thank you, how you been
Me: Good (we talk about our jobs and families)
Me: I hope we can remain in contact, I don't want you to hate me you have done so much to make me a better man
Him: Kiss I don't hate you never will and thank you. I will be here when you need me
Me: Do you ever think there would be a chance of us getting back together
Him: You have not met any boys you like?
Me: I have met guys, but no one makes me feel anywhere near how you make me feel.
Him: Awww really ! Kiss yeah I miss you too
Me: have you met any boys you like?
Him: people talk for about a week than they disappear
Me: If you would like to come out with me some night I will treat for dinner and drinks at (his favorite bar) we can drink, talk and dance
Him: I'll let you know and thank you very much Kiss
Me: Cool, and no pressure. you're welcome Smile

Than no more texts. 3 hours later he poked me on Facebook (something we used to do all the time when we were together, and that had ended after the breakup)
Now 1 week later I have received no further communication what so ever!

Does anyone have any ideas why he always seems so warm to me when we meet or I initiate contact, than ends with a "I'll let you know"

He did say he would need a few months after the breakup, he said if he took me back sooner I would take him as a joke. He even said to come over (he changed his mind) the day after he broke up with me, just to say no he needs to do this. Than the next day asks me to come over followed by a "I just can't right now, give it a few months."

I am so confused, does anyone have any ideas of what may be going on in his mind?
#2
Maybe he needs time to recompose himself. Give him that time. As for you, move on, no? What are you expecting from this relationship?
#3
I would suggest you give him time, because it sounds like both of you need it.

And if/when you two start up again, take it slow. You really need to get to know each other again it sounds like.
Those who have HATE in their heart are HATEFUL PEOPLE
#4
I am really hoping that he will talk to me again on his own, and I want to get back with him SLOWLY. I want to start from scratch, not pick up where we left off. I know after loosing him 2 times now that he is the one for me. I love him more than anything and would do anything in the world for him as I know he has/would do for me. I hate the fact that right now he is not ready to initiate a conversation with me, however it seems a good sign that if I were to message him I would get a warm reply in 10 minutes or less (just like when we were together). I never figured loosing someone close to you could hurt so much but the pain has taught me to be a better person for if he does decide to take me back or I end up with another guy down the road.
#5
I get the sense it would be much better for both of you to just move on.

And just be friends.
#6
He obviously needs time. So leave him alone for now.

He said I'll let you know. Wait for him to initiate conversation next time and then you two can see whether it's a good idea to meet or not.

Regardless, your relationship is broken and even though there may be a chance to salvage it or restart it, don't rely on that. Work on moving on.

Let time say what will happen next. Smile
#7
We had a few text exchanges this morning, just posting it to see what you can gather, I initiated the contact to give him an update about my moms cancer, after we discuss this the conversation is as follows:

Me: are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us

Him: Yeah I really wish in them 4 years that you can change but yeah

Me: I did believe I had gotten much better the last 2 years, but I really needed you to leave me this time to really see what I was doing.

Him: Yeah even the last 2 years you where still rocky too I just , hope that you can see what happened but yeah how's work

Me: I know exactly what happened, I'm a man. I can admit I f###ed up. I never wanted to loose you and this will be the biggest regret of my life

Him: Oh ! How's work

Me: work is ok, and for you ?

Him: Work is crazy

Me: sorry to hear that, have you talked to any guys you like ?

Him: Not really you ?

Me: no I haven't

Him: Really

Me: Can I just ask you.. honestly. do you ever think you could give me another chance to be the man you deserve to have ?

Him (2 hours later): How's work going

What could be the reason he is avoiding answering that question? Is it still too soon to be asking that now? And what is the best advice you could give me to follow at this point to maybe someday still have a chance to fix things here, if there even is a chance...
#8
Your being needy. His loss. Stop all the begging.
#9
[MENTION=23737]loverboy88[/MENTION]

I swear to god... PEOPLE:

DO NOT USE TEXTING TO HAVE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS.... EVER!!!!

Fuck... you don't even KNOW if he SAW that text / question. Yeah, maybe he did, but you don't KNOW. I was wondering why one guy wasn't getting back to me... he lost his phone. Lame excuse or fact? Who knows. It doesn't matter... we were only chatting NOT trying to have a meaningful conversation about a potential future or past relationship.

DO THAT IN PERSON. Sit down. Talk to him. Tell him what you want. Give him space to digest it. Possibly LOTS of space and time.

And if you DO get back together? Both of you join this forum and come here and talk through any difficulties that come up with this crowd. That or take some counseling on HOW to communicate. It's WAY more than words face to face... and a billion times more than some lame text.
.
#10
loverboy88 Wrote:We had a few text exchanges this morning, just posting it to see what you can gather, I initiated the contact to give him an update about my moms cancer, after we discuss this the conversation is as follows:

Me: are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us

Him: Yeah I really wish in them 4 years that you can change but yeah

Me: I did believe I had gotten much better the last 2 years, but I really needed you to leave me this time to really see what I was doing.

Him: Yeah even the last 2 years you where still rocky too I just , hope that you can see what happened but yeah how's work

Me: I know exactly what happened, I'm a man. I can admit I f###ed up. I never wanted to loose you and this will be the biggest regret of my life

Him: Oh ! How's work

Me: work is ok, and for you ?

Him: Work is crazy

Me: sorry to hear that, have you talked to any guys you like ?

Him: Not really you ?

Me: no I haven't

Him: Really

Me: Can I just ask you.. honestly. do you ever think you could give me another chance to be the man you deserve to have ?

Him (2 hours later): How's work going

What could be the reason he is avoiding answering that question? Is it still too soon to be asking that now? And what is the best advice you could give me to follow at this point to maybe someday still have a chance to fix things here, if there even is a chance...

Just re-read this exchange and everything you need to know about the relationship you have is right there.

It is clear it is over. You can just be friends now.


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