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It is a normal Sunday here in China, kinda cloudy and chilly today. I usually seldom write blogs or something like that. But last night I read an very interesting and romantic love story, and recently I watched some gay romance movies So I wanna write something about me and the past here, where I can be who I really am, cuz my real- life circle of friends wont read this..
To begin with, I’d like to mention how I discover I am attracted to males. When I was a little kid, I remember I had a very good relationship with other neighborhood kids (mostly are boys). And my closest friends are boys too. At that time, we often played together. One boy, 3yrs older than me, was very considerate. Every time I didn’t wanna play games or what, he would quit too and then talked with me. I felt he was like a big brother, and he was indeed very nice to me. However we did not know what is gay. We just enjoyed playing together and having fun like normal kids. I guess that is the time when I started to realize maybe I fancy males more than females.
I had to say, after high school graduation, I just found out how gay is defined and so many gay people on the internet. It is my first time I feel so warmed and not lonely. Later on, I added some gay groups on QQ (a kind of Chinese MSN, with more useful functions though). I made some good friends there, many of whom told me to be careful when looking for gay friends online. Well I met bad guys there too… you know, some are very flirting and full of sweet,dirty words ,just trying to have sex with u….i am kinda pissed with those people at first.. but now I think it is very normal. Because those people just like to have sex with various guys they are interested in, no matter whether they truly love them or not….
Sometimes I really wish I could be born in a more gay-friendly country. Because in China, I am afraid to love and there r many things to concern…actually, many Chinese gays also like to do one night stands, which I cannot accept…thus I am so careful that I am still a virgin (so embarrassed ). Maybe you will ask how I meet my need when I want. .hahah…well. to be honest, I watch porns when I feel horny ..just masturbating though,, (OMG, I am not sure if it is appropriate to write, anyway that is me ).
I am so delighted that I can have access to Facebook, as you know, China has blocked it… I found good friends there too. They are very nice and helpful .Seeing they update their everyday happiness with friends and partners, I feel so good…cuz they made me believe there is true love out there , and a man worthing waiting for…I often imagine who will be my first and the last Mr. right. Lol.. I don’t know honestly… but I am looking forward to his coming….
This month I will be working in Guangdong Province, a whole new place. It is where my career will start off, and I hope my love will happen there as well..
God bless, and all the best~~!
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