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Is my Ex-husband gay? Need opinions
#11
IF you want to save your marriage, get thee to a marriage counselor.

I have been with the same guy for 14 years. We have done couples counseling on more than one occasion.

Frankly, we have had years of no sex in this household. It happens. Of course we live with the Virus (he is positive and I am negative) its a big white elephant that sleeps in the middle of the bed. Well actually the big black lab and the gianormous Yorkie Schnauzer mix sleep in the middle of the bed leaving me with about three and a half inches on the edge of the bed. :tongue:

His penis is mostly likely broken. Somehow, somewhere some one made an off color comment and broke his penis. Being a man he is unwilling and unable to discuss the fact he has performance issues, so he is just turned off from sex. Even a little bit of stress when he tried to perform and Mr. Stiffy was a wee bit of a limpy is enough to wreck a man for decades, leaving him limp in more ways than one.

The fact that he runs out to the garage to work on his hobbies is not indicative of homosexuality. It is indicative of a typical male attempting to do something to deal with emotional crap since men are not trained in dealing with emotional crap.

As for his saying 'That looks nice' it was a compliment.

Mind you, men are not trained in the art of complimenting women. We are, however, given voice lessons to scream 'Shake that Trunk Baby!' to any passing woman. We are also trained at making the wolf whistle. This training comes in high school Physical Education Classes in the locker room when us 'boys' brag about the sexual conquests we pretend to have had when in reality we are still wanking off in the bathroom hoping mom won't knock on the door asking 'are you ok in there???'.

Male mentality is not woman's mentality. We do not think about sex the same way you do. We can't we lack vaginas. Men do not approach problems the same way women do, men don't deal with emotions. Forget saying things that start off with " I feel....." we don't relate to it, we can't. Real men don't feel emotions.

Any amount of stress, be it financial, work, or (God forbid) emotional stress a man has can break his penis. When a man's penis breaks the world ends. End of story.

Men don't talk about their broken penis. Even in the era of Viarga and See Alice (She must be great even gay men See Alice) , few men are comfortable enough to talk about a broken Mr. Winky even when there is medicine to unbreak Mr. Winky. Talk to the wife about it - are you serious - that only happens in commercials and romance novels.

All marriage is same sex marriage.

Once you tie the knot with the old ball and chain its same sex, with the same person, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade for the rest of your life. It no longer sounds fun, it sounds like a chore. When its put to you that way does having sex with hubby sound interesting?

Here we are in a world were you can marry the man you love and divorce him when ever you get tired of his foibles. I have to work three times as hard to get the same rights to be with the man I have been with for 14 years and legally I can't call him husband, but I put up with his foibles and a lot more like any wife does with her husband.

I do resent this. I resent it more when I hear of yet one more straight married couple just throwing in the towel and walking away when thousands of gay couples would leap at the chance to be in your shoes.
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#12
I am not getting the gay vibe from what you wrote but I could be wrong of course....

My initial reaction is what I am going to go with and that is that he is hiding something from himself...and you...

Men are not usually comfortable discussing sexual fantasies or desires when there is a possibility of shame or guilt or ridicule...he might have cross dressing fantasies or maybe he is submissive and wants to be dominated by a woman...and there are 100 other possibilities. Those are the two things that crossed my mind when I read what you wrote above.

Alot of people never come to terms with their sexual nature if there is "kink" involved and they will withdraw .......
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#13
in the small peice you wrote im not getting a great gay vibe this may be blunt but maybe he's just didnt find you attractive anymore or just fell outof love with you !! is there any thing that rings a bell there ie - weight gain for either one of u in the time u were married ? u can shoot me down in flames but something a simple as that could change his sex drive, along with age or the same position all the time - there's a thousand chat shows with couple telling there marrital probs with things like this,
in your marriage did he like to spend more time with men or does he now, ie more close relationship than maybe a straight guy would ? as for the compliments - i know men who would say nice things to their ladys just for a quiet life Smile ,, honest truth
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#14
i would say no to be honest... Men have different levels in sex drives plus he may be comfortable in the relationship saying u want him to say your hot is like its a first date again and to be honest once married thats settle down time complimenting saying u look good is just as nice
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#15
feel a bit guilty bout what i posted ! . dont think ur man is gay really but could be wrong, really sorry that the marriage didnt work out, hope u find the answers u want
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#16
Wow... thank you all for your comments and advice.
I honestly think that there are so many factors at play with us and as sad as it is... I need to come to terms with the fact that we need to move on.
REgardless of his sexual preference, I need to just let him be who he is and he needs to let me be who I am.
I actually believe that he is Asexual more than anything and that's ok.
I will always love him and he will always love me.. that's the hardest part when letting go.
We have been married for 20 years in May. I look forward to the day when I see him with an amazing woman (or man) who will love him and never let him down.

Thanks again everyone Xyxthumbs
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#17
Confused1 Wrote:Wow... thank you all for your comments and advice.
I honestly think that there are so many factors at play with us and as sad as it is... I need to come to terms with the fact that we need to move on.
REgardless of his sexual preference, I need to just let him be who he is and he needs to let me be who I am.
I actually believe that he is Asexual more than anything and that's ok.
I will always love him and he will always love me.. that's the hardest part when letting go.
We have been married for 20 years in May. I look forward to the day when I see him with an amazing woman (or man) who will love him and never let him down.

Thanks again everyone Xyxthumbs

I feel for you both...that is a hard thing to do...walk away from someone you love. It is extremely painful but you process it in stages and one day you will be fine....time is a great healer. The unanswered questions can play alot of tricks with your mind so I hope you find some peace and resolution. I truly wish the best for you both.Confusedmile:
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#18
yeah.. whether he is straight or gay really doesnt matter any more does it?

not all guys will go hump everything in a skirt, and maybe your ex was ust a straight guy with a low sex drive and fantastic taste in clothes.

i know it must be tough for you righ now, but rather than trying to over analise what ewent wrong, maybe you should focus on moving on Smile
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#19
Good luck to you both, Confused1 and husband.
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#20
In what way will it mater if he is your "Ex"?
Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
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