I am sorta upset at the moment. I have been out of the closet for close to 18 months. My family assured me that I had there love and support. My father has never been close to us kids. When we were growing up he was emotionally unavailable. He has burned so many bridges through the years it sickens me. Every time one of us kids try to help him out and form a bond he finds some way to screw us over. My brother and sister inlaw that live out of state want nothing to do with him because they have been burned so many times. When I came out he was not thrilled but didnt say much. He allegedly told one of my older brother that "We just need to support him" (me). My sexuality is not a subject my father and I have talked about since I came out.
My father is disabled with no transportation so he depends on us kids to cart him around to various places like doctor appointments at the VA. We have tried to help him out any way possible wether it be food, companionship or transportation since he is our father. I thought my relationship was getting better with my father since we actually saying we loved each other which is unheard of. I am not so sure now after talking to my mom today. We were chit chatting and the subject of coming out came up. I told her I was surprised that dad took it so well and was supportive when I came out. My mom told me she had heard different. I guess he told my older brother that he doesnt feel comfortable around me since I am attracted to men as well as woman. I was hurt and angry when I found out this piece of information.
WTF does he think Im going to do, rape him? I certainly aint attracted to him. For one he is my father, two he is morbidly obese and three he smells like a porta potty because he doesnt believe in taking showers or putting deodorant on. He aint making much sense at all. He has not said a word to me about being uncomfortable around me. It would seem he has been using me this whole time to get what he wants. I want to punch him in his face and tell him what a failure of a father he has been but that wouldnt solve a thing. I am more hurt than angry that he doesnt feel comfortable around me. Should I confront him or just let the subject slide?
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It seems that your father is your father .. not more.... I would react in the same way. That we are born into a familly does not mean that we have to be happy with this family...
As long he does not shows that he love / support you... I would not support him, too. Some times we have tp protect ourself from family members, too
Hard decision ? ... maybe ... but I would not support any family member just because it is a family member.
I my own cause I was so angry about my father.. that it needs two years till I could cry about his dead.... he was not bad .. but in every way not the father I needed...
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Forgive your father for all the wrong that he has done, you will feel so much better in yourself. The trick here is that you don't have to tell another soul, least of all your father, that you have forgiven him.
It is now time to focus on YOU. What matters to you, what makes you happy, you makes you feel like you have achieved something. It is your time to be proud of yourself as a whole person and don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of you or how uncomfortable they feel around you because that ultimately is not your problem, it is their cross to bear.
Yes, you have been hurt, yes you will continue to hurt, but you have been lied to, deceived and abused ( it's not to harsh a word to use in your circumstances.)' BUT you live your life for you, no one else.
I know it seems selfish, but fill your heart with anger, bitterness and hate and that will be all you will ever attract into your life....remove those from your life that piss you off and treat you badly and you will be able to fill your heart with love and smiles and rainbows and that will be exactly what you will attract into your life.
Your happiness starts with YOU, no one else 
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Hi Anonymous,
I will try to find something good in your situation, okay? I am mentally tired right now, so I apologize in advance if it is harsh.
He didn't kick you out. He could have and could have depended on the help of your brother.
You said that it seemed your relationship is improving lately.
Honestly, I don't understand you mother's remark. Why did she say it? Was she mad at him? Did she want to hurt him this way, or to hurt you? What is the point in telling you this, 18 months later, in the moment when you are happy? It seems to be cruel.
Your father is a different generation. Even if he is not religious and doesn't believe in the sin, he was probably told that being gay is very wrong, something like pedophilia and incest are... My partner had been beaten with this crap for many years. He hasn't got over it yet and probably never will.
Your father knew that he didn't want to hurt you, but needed to find some way how to mentally deal with it. It took him a lot of time and your mother crushed it within a minute. Why she did it is beyond me.
*hug* for you
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I totally understand where you are coming from. My Dad, is also 100% disabled and goes to the VA every other day... He was a Marine and served in the Iraq war. And, of course, injured in Iraq. He has PTSD, bipolar disorder, and everything else a Marine has when they retire. It sounds like our Dads are very much alike. Although, I never actually take him anywhere. He is a major ass hole who loves to take advantage, very selfish, stubborn, etc. But, I've talked to my Mom and she basically told me that it has to do with his bipolar disorder, and then some. I think your Dad does love you but doesn't want to hurt you by his beliefs. As soon as I told my Dad I was gay, he never talked about one thing about politics, letting gays get married, etc. And we have never brought up the subject sense. Your Dad has to at least tell somebody to get it off his chest. Because if he doesn't, it will start to affect him a lot. Try to avoid him as much as possible, which is what I do with my Dad, listen to what he has to say, and don't argue, Men always like to feel right even though they know they are 100% wrong. Do everything to satisfy him in the easiest way possible for you not to get angry. Try to understand that he is suffering a lot. I know, it's hard when you have so much anger in you. When you feel it's the right time, tell him how you feel but make it sound like you are the victim. Make him feel like shit without offending him (because he will just go back at you and criticize you... Which wont get you anywhere...) I'm sorry you found that out and I hope it will get past you ASAP.
~Andrew
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Hello there,
Confront him and ask if this is true.... Find out if he has any genuine issues and tell him to be honest because if he isnt then you twqo cannot talk about them openly and these issues will arise worse off... I would also remind him that you are still his son still the same lad you was before he knew you was gay and nothing has changed... I would recommend then confronting your mother and asking her whats what and confront your brother and explain all you want is the truth and you want to know why if it was said it was said... Explain that being gay isnt always an easy thing when society in itself can make you feel like you have to justify yourself to some biggots just to be accepted when infact you dont need to.. My step father is disabled and it wasnt until the grim reaper came knocking one day he decided to apologise for everything and thank fully the grim reaper didnt take him and his still here being a proper step dad
Kindest regards
Aunty Zeon x
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I am sure you love your family but you are your own person too. Put this stuff in place where it belongs inside you. There is no reason why your parent (s) have a handle on their sexuality more than a lot of people out there. You spent your whole life dealing with it and expect your family to be over it in 18 months.
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Confront him - Oh heavens no.
Communicate with him - yes, by all means.
I suspect that there is a man who is trying to make amends for his past deeds.
I take it he was an independent strong willed man who has found himself dependent upon his kids. Further I suspect that each time one of his kids shows up to do something for him he is forced to look back and see the dying embers of all of those bridges.
Regrets? Shame? Guilt? for the past. If he is an emotionally distant person it must be very difficult for him to express any emotion.
Uncomfortable that you are going to bed with men and doing 'those activities' - Yeah sure, I bet he thinks about it and can't wrap his brain around the concept. Fearful that if he turns his back for one moment you will rape him - hardly.
Uncomfortable in that he doesn't know what to say to you on the subject - Understandable. Uncomfortable because he has already botched so many other things in his life and is uncertain how to proceed - perhaps.
Maybe he is thinking about those burning bridges you spoke of and wonders if setting them on fire turned you 'that way' - Thus he is uncomfortable with this guilt he carries for making you 'that way'.
How many people does he have to talk about these things? I figure he won't be jumping into a car soon and driving to a PFLAG meeting to discuss with others the situation - so maybe he turned to his other son for some insight to deal with his discomfort while doing his damnedest to not set one more bridge ablaze with you.
You two need to communicate, and I fear it may be one of the hardest things.
Confront - sounds too much like lets go to war....
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i think I have written this in many threads, but families that give you support and love unconditionally is a myth.
You just have to accept that sometimes you cant get along with certain people regardless of whether you are family or not, and try not to let them get to you.
My mother and I cant stand to be together in the same room for over an hour.
It sucks, but keeping a safe distance away from each other is the best we can do.
Trying to change them will probably just hurt you and them, so simply walk away.
You have to choose your battles wisely.
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Thank you all for the advice and replys. I am still mulling over what to do. I know it has to do with allot with how my father was raised. He grew up in a very bigoted town in which if you were not a straight white native then you were not welcome. I heard stories of black peoples houses being burned and the people railroaded out of town. My fathers childhood was not the greatest to say the least. My grandparents were never very affectionate people towards there kids. My fathers youngest brother Johny killed himself when he was 16 and there was was a undercurrent of sexual abuse that ran through the family as well.
My father never did deal with his childhood scars. He just bottled it all up and turned into a blue collar workaholic. As soon as my father got home from work all he wanted to do was eat dinner, watch tv then go to bed.. He would yell at us kids to shut up if he couldnt hear the tv over us kids playing. Essentially he followed in my grandfathers footsteps. My mom stayed home with us kids and raised us to make sure we knew we were loved. money was extremely tight raising four kids on one income and my father always resented the fact that my mom wasnt working bringing in money. My parents were never close and eventually separated since they did not see eye to eye.
As for the burned bridges my father seems to have Im going to screw you over before you screw me over outlook. He is afraid to let people to get close to him. I have learned to keep my distance from my father because I have seen my older brothers get shafted to many times. My mom knows she screwed up by telling me that my father is not comfortable around me. She tries not to bad mouth our father when talking to us kids. We are all adults by the way. Im going to proceed with caution when it comes to my relationship with my father. I am a independent adult with my own life so if worst comes to worst I can always break ties with him. His health is not in the greatest so I would rather not have to do that. I can still love him without having contact with him.
Thank you for listening. 
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