I am a 28 year old virgin...and suffering from it:(

[danwd172]

Ok, this is rather embarrassing to say, but I have to because I’m so desperate and need your advice.

I am 28-year-old and still a virgin. For the past 28 years, I’ve never been in a relationship yet. I’m not a one night kind of man, so it is quite understandable why I’m still a virgin. Being a virgin has never actually bothered me until recently. I feel my loneliness without a man whom I can share life and intimacy with is getting stronger and stronger. I have many friends who care about me a lot and make me happy, but none of them could fulfill the emptiness deep inside of me.

I think the problem is a.) I’m too shy, low-self-esteemed and passive to pursue love and b.) don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed of my race, but I found that only white men can actually interest me, which makes it harder for me to find a partner in my country. A male friend of mine, who is straight, has always said that he would like to set me up with a nice white man as long as he meets one, but it has not happened yet I’m so desperate and considering maybe I should try internet date.

Besides loneliness, I’ve found that being a virgin for a very long time starts infecting my attitude towards sex. I’ve been jerking off to porn for at least a decade. I enjoy and am completely ok with it until recently I’ve noticed that I can’t stop but start feeling unconfident about my sex performance and worrying about what if bad things happen when I have sex in the future. Things like "what if I can’t get it up" or "what if I cum too fast." The anticipatory anxiety makes me develop a bad habit- for the past 4 months, I’ve timed how long it takes me to cum in each jerk off session. I just want to know how my stamina is,but this sick habit really stresses me out and starts infecting my sexual function, making me cum too fast or can’t get it up easily . I know the problems are caused by my anxiety and stress. I told my friend (the one I mentioned above) about this, and he said he had no idea why I should concern about can’t-get-it-up and cum-too-fast things so much since I 'm ok physically and I’m a bottom (even thought I consider myself is 70%bottom and 30%top). He wanted me just stop the sick timing-habit right away and stop worrying about my sex performance since I even haven’t had real sex yet. And he also told me that if one person like me coz I’m good in bed, then I’m replaceable.

Being a 28 year old virgin is not a shame, but why am I suffering from it so bad? I wish I can put myself together and live with a healthy and positive attitude.

Can somebody help me out?

[zeon]

Hello there,
Firstly there is nothing wrong being a 28 year old virgin I mean technically everyone is a virgin of some sort for example straight guys are vigins to men and gay guys are vigin to women so nothing to be ashamed of or embarrissed.... What is there with regards to low self esteem you find is holding you back? I would say the fact your leaning towards white men rather than others could simplify why it is so hard to find someone.

I would suggest maybe exploring your life a little more and understanding that at the end of the day any man is as good as another. I have personally had sexual intercourse with various walks of men because to be honest saying it how it is.... Firstly a dick is a dick no matter how you look or view it and secondly what matters in a relationship isnt the race or the fitness of a guy but the passion of love and care that he gives along with committment... You could find in life that a taiwan male may shower you with all love and affection you want yet you choose to find a white man who could turn into a beater and abuser and im sure you wouldnt want that furthermore it could also work vice versa...

With internet dating make sure you use (if you choose to do it) a website which has reliable creditors and not just some old site that looks flashy and nice... Give it a go by all means but if something doesnt feel right on a date remember you have the right to walk away... If a person you meet mentions their wealth, health and well being in conversation..... AVOID... Trust me nothing worse than someone saying "I got £300,000 in the bank in cold hard cash waiting to be spent and i work as a pudding making company director on a salary of £120,000 PA and i live in a six bedroomed house in sunny vale with a 600 foot garden and three bathrooms and room for a pony... This is utter bullshitting impressions which you wont need mister...

Now if you masturbate regularly it can cause at times pre ejaculations very quickly because you have over sensored the top of your penis which causes excitement alot quicker and therefore maybe limit masturbation to a few nights a week instead of daily if doing daily... Now the problems of getting an erection harder to get up can be a sign of masturbating too much... Why not try to avoid any form of this for just a week and allow your hormones to make you feel dead horny inside and see how it goes from there...

Your friend is right why time yourself masturbating??? Next time see how long you can go on keeping an erection and see if you can do a ten minute wonder with yaself.... It can make things feel alot more pleasurable if you play before spray...

I feel the reason you are suffering from the shame is because of peer pressure and the fact that inside you want to be loved but maybe consider your first relationship with someone nearby rather than go hunting for what you want... Remember

Love is love no matter who it is with... Its whats inside them that counts

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[mrk2010]

Well if there is one thing look on the positive, you can make up for lost time, later in life, I know I have been lately ;-)

[dfiant]

i had a work mate who, due to religious reasons, wouldn't allow himself to have sex before maariage.... he got married 3 years ago....he was 47. He didn't meet his soul mate until he was 44.

Different strokes for different folks.

PS. The pun is unintended. but rather amusing none the less

[ceez]

you're not alone in this danwd172, I'm going through the same thing, except I'll try a relationship with any guy no matter what race :frown:

[brybry87]

Sometimes I'm not sure which is worse, to finally loose your big-V then to go through years of not having sex or still being a virgin.

As a Asian guy myself, I'm not really sure why my preference would be a white guy. It seems to be a running thing with most Asian gay guys. It makes sense sort of, most of my Asian girl friends only date white guys. So if you look at it that way it kind of makes sense lol.

I prefer white guys, but I'm not closed to the idea of dating a guy of another race/colour.

I don't really know what to advice other than to get yourself out there more. I don't know how the social climate over there concerning LGBT people, but if there LGBT groups that meet outside of Clubs and Bars maybe you should try that.

I'm not gonna tell you that you'll meet that guy and it'll be perfect cause I'm having a hard time believing and telling myself that these days. All I can say is, if you really want it to happen, then make it happen.

Good luck..!

[pridepancakes21]

I have yet to be in a relationship as well, It's difficult at any age especially when most of the people you know are in a relationship. Just hang in there and remember your hand is always there for you.

[dfiant]

I'm not really sure why my preference would be a white guy.

Beacause white guys have bigger..........uhm.........hearts!!! yeah that's it, right?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

To be brutally honest, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Whitemen Only: Taiwan does not have that high of a white population (citizenship) compared to its native population. While you might met a white man who is transitory (there for business or for work) I fear he isn't going to marry you and take you back to his homeland.

Most white men are not going to give you a second look - Sorry, most white men don't 'do' Asians. If my experience in the gay culture of America is any indication, many to most white gay men are turned off by the idea of 'burning rice' - doing an Asian man. Sure, most gays will be nice and civil to your face, as soon as you walk away their real opinion is less than savory.

Porn is not real sex. While it may give you some interesting ideas to try with a partner, the reality is that most porn is 'set up' 'scripted'. Even amateur porn is composed of guys with more than average endowments 'showing off' to an unseen audience.

Masturbation is not real sex. No partner will know how to hit your buttons in the combination you know so perfectly well. While gay men are better at sucking dick than women (because they have a dick) it is nothing like masturbation.

You are going to have you put yourself out there and stop trying to find Mr White, um Right as per your fantasy. Porn is Fantasy - forget trying to find a porn star to date (they date each other or are married to women).

With a population of 23,061,689 in Taiwan, I'm certain that there is a nice young man who wants nothing more than to be with you. Most likely, owing to the high percentage of native Taiwanese, he is Asian.

[Blake1122]

Your not alone cutie. Hang in there. i know your lonely and I'm sorry for that. I have only slept with 1 person and im 26. I'm more of a hopeless Romantic looking for true love. Lately I have turned a little bitter because it seems all their is out there is sex crazed people. Nothing wrong with sex at all but where is the love. People think now days you have to screw right away and then deiced if their in love. So sad. But if you would like to add me to your friends list go right ahead and we can talk. it also sucks because most of my friends have someone. I'm happy for them really but I find myself sitting at home a lot lol. I gave up on looking for a partner because it was like lets go have sex on the first date and that's not me. i wont do it.