Husband in midlife crisis demands a houseboy (permanent threesome arrangement)

[posterpicture]

Your husband is a jerk doesn't deserve you at all. You are young and beautiful. You whole life is a head and many interesting people re still out there for you to meet.
I would say tell him to go fuck himself, pack your bag and leave.

[zeon]

Hello,
Right aunty is going to get out the chair and time to give some stern talking to.. Your husband... How dare he demand that you give up everything u worked for in life and the life u have to just go travelling and come back to a empty shell.. You and I are the same age and if i was you this is what i would do.. First thing tomorrow morning you go upto your husband and you play it hard... Now by what you have said his made up his mind mid life crisis i dont usually acceot as we both know infact we all know whats right and whats wrong in life and what your husband is suggesting is wrong.. If my boyfriend who ive been with for three and a half months told me he wants a threesome id be asking myself whats wrong with me? Id be saying this is the end of something that was beautiful..

You go and you tell that husband of yours you want a divorce.. I would like to say trust me and i will explaiin through this why.. You get him out of bed in the morning and you say to him you want to file for a divorce because you have had some thought and you dont want to go travelling the world with him and his little rent boy you want to be able to expand your horizons and enjoy your life and build upon it and you want to be able to enjoy the aspects that life gives to you without him.. Trust me it will hurt.. No it wont hurt it will fucking kill you to do this but there is a saying "do you love him enough to let him go?" If you go along with his plans and sell the house sell what you have sell everything you own then everything you have worked for you might as well give to some smackhead sitting on a park bench and say go ahead inject yourself sttupid have a great night and see you in the next life because when you return his going to still be in tow with that skanky piece of shit of a rent boy who will shove his arse in the air like he just dont care and once the money has run dry and your husband cant impress him anymore with your funds your gonna be left in the gutter..

Threesomes dont work they destroy a relationship and sadly your the one being left out.. You were 18 when you met him and now your too old his wanting to trade you in for a younger model and ill tell you something.. When my ex left me after 6 1/2 years together he stole around £20,000 from me but the one thing he didnt steal from me was my home... No man is worth loosing that over.. Of course sell it and split it 50/50 get a divorce and trust me you will be able to move on and those hurtful pains inside will go.. Many tears will be shedded but your meet another nice guy who will think your bloody beautiful, who will put a smile on your face and who you can cuddle upto and hopefully grow old together. Once his money has run out if you do this dont you dare go to take him back no matter what the saying YOU MAKE YOUR BED YOU LIE IN IT will kick in... With you the saying ITS CRUEL TO BE KIND will apply and you gotta be cruel to mean cruel you gotta show him he chose that young rent boy and he chose the path he went down...

At 18 a boy can be easily influenced and what your going through your mind would be all over the place.. I am not saying this to be nasty or anything but what your going through is what ive just come out of when i had a loan taken out which was ment to go to my ex boyfriends son to pay for his school trip to south africa but instead went on wooing another guy behind my back and then i watched as my ex started bringing back random men and having sex in my lounge and then after they were done with him they would try it on with me... I dont want you to be some little sex toy to please your husbands new rent boy and if he moves in even if you try to hold this together eventually your find tension as you go out to work and your husband is at home screwing some guy you truely dont want in your home...

Please mista dont let him bully or abuse you into a corner you be a fighter and dont go on this holiday and dont let this guy move in.. His trying to take your life away from you so take what you can and sell everything and split it 50/50 then he can see how bad his life falls apart and you can rebuild yours.. With me mista i took a year out of relationships before i started again and now with my current boyfriend it is all worth it because this guy only wants one thing in life and thats me and i only want him and what i waited after the last ended i got and you can get it to...

Sorry if it sounded harsh but i dont want you to do anything that could fuck up your life and cause it to go a way it is not ment to be and asking here identifies to me you dont want it to go this way but if your husband wont respect that then his a very selfish man and thinks the grass is greener on the other side

Kindest regards and big hugz

Aunty Zeon
Gapseak agony aunt

[ThatRobGuy]

The one thing I thought after reading the OP was that your husband seems to just want to trade you in for a new 18 year old option, now that you are "past your prime" in his eyes. And he will most likely do the same with this new slaveboy when he is "too old." I'm sure your husband had real feelings for you at some point, but it seems like what he liked most was having a much younger guy and he wants that experience again.

I'm sorry that you are going through this and wish you all the best. I echo what others have said and would not continue in that relationship if I were you.

[Jry]

your feelings on the matter don't seem to be a top priority on his agenda.

Is this man's love and affection worth fighting for?

The only reason I want to fight for it is because I love him very much, and at some point in our lives he loved me more than I loved him. I was his priority, and he became mine, he was my rock. Now that I am so close to losing it all, I realize just how much I actually love him. I think it's worth fighting for, I just don't know if he deserves that from me after what he is doing to us.

Maybe as you became a little older, he needed someone else to fill that role. In a few years time, quite probably the house boy will too old for him too and he'll want another 18 year old. Or this boy may change his mind about the arrangement.

The one thing I thought after reading the OP was that your husband seems to just want to trade you in for a new 18 year old option, now that you are "past your prime" in his eyes. And he will most likely do the same with this new slaveboy when he is "too old." I'm sure your husband had real feelings for you at some point, but it seems like what he liked most was having a much younger guy and he wants that experience again.
I'm sorry that you are going through this and wish you all the best. I echo what others have said and would not continue in that relationship if I were you.

I think we all know that, my husband is the one that is ignoring that. An 18 yo is going to be fun just until he gets to the same age I have, if he even manages to have another 10 year long relationship. I hope he won't regret it, because once my life takes this turn, I will hold such a grudge that I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him. I hope he understands now before it's too late, that I am a good husband and that it's insane to ditch someone like him.

Please mista dont let him bully or abuse you into a corner you be a fighter and dont go on this holiday and dont let this guy move in.. His trying to take your life away from you so take what you can and sell everything and split it 50/50 then he can see how bad his life falls apart and you can rebuild yours..

Sorry if it sounded harsh but i dont want you to do anything that could fuck up your life and cause it to go a way it is not ment to be and asking here identifies to me you dont want it to go this way but if your husband wont respect that then his a very selfish man and thinks the grass is greener on the other side.

He is trying really hard to reassure me that I have nothing to fear, that he knows he did wrong and that James will be just a slave and nothing else. But he lost my trust, that is going to be very hard to regain. I got used to being loved, to being his priority, to having him as my rock. I don't want to settle for anything less than what I had.

[princealbertofb]

Sorry for you Jry.... Hope you manage to forgive him, if you're going to stay with him... There may still be some good in the relationship if he bloody well wakes up and comes to his senses.
Good luck,

[cameron]

You may need to consider couples therapy, which would help you both in talking about things. Sometimes, therapy helps you both in realizing that the relationship is not worth saving, or it could help to strengthen the relationship.

[Jry]

Time for an update: 3 weeks ago, after my husband nearly broke up with me, many fights, many tears and some broken glass... he finally kicked James out of our lives! It was extremely hard to make him do it (fortunately the boy did some mistakes that worked in my favor, such as buying a webcam for porn shows and even told me "go fcku yourself").

Eventually my husband understood that he had to stop changing rules every time James f-ed up, so he told him things weren't going to work ... because James and I clash too much. Now, I wish he would have admitted it was because James is a mess, but even after all this, my husband STILL wanted to remain friends with him (which I know would again lead to James being once again "considered" in a full time position for a trio). He even said "Ok, you guys don't like each other, but I'm attracted to him, could I meet him alone, just for sex?" Seriously...

Conclusion: he isn't having contact with James, not as far as I can tell. I've been monitoring WhatsApp and Skype, and since James didn't block me on neither of those (but I asked him to block my husband) it doesn't seem like they've been having any contact for the past 3 weeks. However, my husband works as a freelancer and sometimes spends 4 nights of the week out: while I don't think they are meeting (James lives very far) I don't know if they are talking on the phone/email.

So, now that James is out... it leaves me with the other part of the problem: that my husband told me that he wasn't sexually attracted to me, which really hurt me. I'm young, attractive and I'm working out and doing progress, it really hurt me when he said he wasn't sexually attracted to me.

Ever since, sex has become a big deal for me. When we don't have sex (and since he is usually gone for half the week) it makes me feel "in danger", that something is wrong. Before James, we used to have sex once or twice a week, which isn't much ... but I got used to it. Now, well.. we did it 3 times this month (March), so that doesn't even make it once a week.

Since it's only been 3 weeks that he broke contact with James (and he didn't want to do it) I imagine that he is hurt and stressed. But I'm also hurt and stressed! It stresses me that he wanks twice a day when he has a pretty good husband who would like to have sex. It stresses me that when he wakes up at 6am ( and I'm clean and ready) all he does is "Good morning.. go back to sleep" and goes to the other room and wanks.

I feel that now that I know that our relationship was/is in danger, I evaluate everything to the most minute detail. Maybe I'm seeing problems where there aren't.

[Counselor]

You two should discuss where this is headed: you need to ask him what he really wants, and you need him to understand how insecure he's made you feel.

[NoOtherLove]

I am so sorry to hear that,
this is why I will never have a threesome
in a relationship. That opens the doors for these situations.
I would have to step back from the situation at hand bc clearly
he isn't considering you at this point and its fine that you may still
love each other but obviously this isn't a healthy relationship and trying
to save it won't help if only one of you are fighting for it.

[Beaux]

Now is the time for you to start cementing your financial independence. Trust me.