Husband in midlife crisis demands a houseboy (permanent threesome arrangement)

[Kenny221]

Time for an update: 3 weeks ago, after my husband nearly broke up with me, many fights, many tears and some broken glass... he finally kicked James out of our lives! It was extremely hard to make him do it (fortunately the boy did some mistakes that worked in my favor, such as buying a webcam for porn shows and even told me "go fcku yourself").

Eventually my husband understood that he had to stop changing rules every time James f-ed up, so he told him things weren't going to work ... because James and I clash too much. Now, I wish he would have admitted it was because James is a mess, but even after all this, my husband STILL wanted to remain friends with him (which I know would again lead to James being once again "considered" in a full time position for a trio). He even said "Ok, you guys don't like each other, but I'm attracted to him, could I meet him alone, just for sex?" Seriously...

Conclusion: he isn't having contact with James, not as far as I can tell. I've been monitoring WhatsApp and Skype, and since James didn't block me on neither of those (but I asked him to block my husband) it doesn't seem like they've been having any contact for the past 3 weeks. However, my husband works as a freelancer and sometimes spends 4 nights of the week out: while I don't think they are meeting (James lives very far) I don't know if they are talking on the phone/email.

So, now that James is out... it leaves me with the other part of the problem: that my husband told me that he wasn't sexually attracted to me, which really hurt me. I'm young, attractive and I'm working out and doing progress, it really hurt me when he said he wasn't sexually attracted to me.

Ever since, sex has become a big deal for me. When we don't have sex (and since he is usually gone for half the week) it makes me feel "in danger", that something is wrong. Before James, we used to have sex once or twice a week, which isn't much ... but I got used to it. Now, well.. we did it 3 times this month (March), so that doesn't even make it once a week.

Since it's only been 3 weeks that he broke contact with James (and he didn't want to do it) I imagine that he is hurt and stressed. But I'm also hurt and stressed! It stresses me that he wanks twice a day when he has a pretty good husband who would like to have sex. It stresses me that when he wakes up at 6am ( and I'm clean and ready) all he does is "Good morning.. go back to sleep" and goes to the other room and wanks.

I feel that now that I know that our relationship was/is in danger, I evaluate everything to the most minute detail. Maybe I'm seeing problems where there aren't.

Okay, I'm 17 and to be honest, I have no idea what I'm talking about but I'm going to just add in some of my opinions.

From what I can tell, it seems like you two has lost that bond of trust.....and trust plays a very big part in a relationship. Now, a part of me wants to say that you should leave him in the dust, because you're still young enough to find someone who DOES find you attractive, but I know it's an option you aren't too keen to take considering how much you love this man. You gotta ask yourself this...is this worth the pain? Is this relationship worth having you being stressed and worried everytime he leaves the door or even out of your sight? Is this relationship worth all the tears you shed?

That's all I can really say...I've never been in a relationship in my entire life, so I can't give you the best advice...the best advice I can give you is to make you ask yourself, Can you still really love this man the way you loved him 10 years ago?

[historical]

break free - give yourself time to heal - get back on your feet and someone who appreciates you (no matter how old you get) will walk into your life when the time is right

(almost 40 and single and still hopeful)

hugs

[Woollyhats]

Next, i'm a bit surprised that ONE YEAR before you 2 got married, he demanded you have 3ways! This is something that should have been talked about years before and, to be honest, the fact that you married this man a year later after giving into 3ways - even tho you DID NOT want an open relationship - tells me that you might be co-depdedent. That's something you should really talk to a therapist about because if you don't, you might find yourself in the same situation with a different guy in a few years!

Basically that. Also, I find it a little disturbing that he just wants a slave boy, and he's willing to give up a real relationship for that. It's a little bit abusive, and is basically an attempt to live a sexual fantasy.... it's not at all fair to you, either.

You need to get out.

[Woollyhats]

He is trying really hard to reassure me that I have nothing to fear, that he knows he did wrong and that James will be just a slave and nothing else.

So I just read the rest of this thread, and again that leaps out at me. How is that type of relationship in any way healthy? He wants a slave. Do you actually want to be with someone like that? He's using you, and he's using this 18 year old. It literally makes me angry, and I bet it makes you angry too.

I'm thinking you're a little bit too mature for him. Just saying.

[BathEd]

I'm sorry to say it, but from your description your relationship sounds toxic and you need to get out of it, though I realise this is easier said than done.

If your husband is only attracted to much younger guys as it seems then I can't see a way of making things work and it's only going to damage you.

On the other hand, you may be in a much better position than him as you should be able to find a new partner who you can have a normal relationship with as you both get older, in a way that he can't.

Most (gay) men are attracted to younger men and it's natural, but I think if you're only attracted to guys much younger than yourself that is not a recipe for a good relationship.