The Urge is Back

[OnlyHuman]

To give a little backdrop so you know where I stand. My 9th grade year I was a depressed mess and that eventually wound up with me being thrown into the grips of trying alcohol and various drugs in 10th grade to supress the depression. It caused me some major problems in school my grades slipped and I lost my boyfriend and friends. My family doesn't look at me the same any more. I think all they see is that addict I was. Now I'm in 11th grade and got myself out of that all the alcohol, weed, pills, and shrooms, but now I've got not a single person to talk to. My mom tries to care but I can't help but feel she holds back because of my past actions. Everyone is gone and I feel myself slipping again. I can't even remember the past two years of my life all but the bit and pieces of it. I broke last night and drank again to get rid of the isolated feeling and now all of a sudden the urge is back to do it again. How do I get rid of that urge? I just want to keep myself together and not fall back down again, so please any advice would be welcome. I could use it right now.

[pellaz]

Please be strong

A lot of mental and physical diseases are re occurring. You need some advice on how to deal with this. I hope you can get it here. Where you have this weakness you are stronger in other areas.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You don't get rid of the urge completely.

With oh nearly 20 years clean and sober I freely admit I have my 'days' where I need a drink or a drug. Granted, after 20 years those days are far and few between, but they never go away forever.

I also find that when I am in a 'delicate place' the urge is stronger. Identifying I'm in a delicate place helps me from acting on the urge.

I found in the early years of my 'recovery' that NA and AA really gave me a constructive outlet for my urges and a bit of a safety net in that I had others who, like me, has problems with substance abuse.

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=28 is the website.

I would suggest getting a program of recovery. AA may be best since NA tends to have a lot of junkies who are fresh away getting high. AA tends to have more long term sobriety.

There are meetings for LGBT in most places as well as straight ones.

If anything, this will be a good place to network with people who knows what it is like to rely on substances and most are generally trying to make it through the next 24 hours. Most meeting have shares were you can learn from the experiences of others. Most meetings will pass around a slip of paper which will magically have phone numbers added, then someone will hand you the paper with the suggestion you use those phone numbers when the urge is upon you.

Since your use of drugs/alcohol is to treat mental health issues, then I would suggest that you also start seeking a therapist to help you with that side of things.

I used/drank for years to deal with other mental health issues (PTSD, Seasonal Depression, etc). I discovered that after a few years of working seriously on those issues the urge to drink/use dropped dramatically.

As it stands, after 20 years of not drinking and working on my issues, I am at the point where I can have a glass or two of wine or a couple of beers and stop for the evening without feeling thirsty or needing another drink.

I do not know if that will be the place you can be, but I hope my experience gives you hope that you can lick this.

[unkown21]

Im sorry you are going through this. It takes a very strong person to overcome addiction, and you were able to overcome your addiction once before. It must be tough not having anyone not to talk to.and being in high school is tough enough. Its very easy to turn to substances that alter your mental state when your depressed, because it lets you escape your problems. Ive been guilty of it myself in the recent past. You may consider making an appointment with a counselor or therapist. It may sound silly or scary to do, but it will help you sweetie. I have been going to see a therapist once a week for the past month, and it has helped my mood, and overall whole outlook on everything. You know you always have friends on here that are willing to help and willing to listen. If you ever need someone to chit chat with, you could always send me a PM on here. Stay strong hunny, i believe in ya

Huggs

[Pix]

I've always found it odd that many people drink & drug to get rid of the feelings. I suppose it must be similar to how some (but not all) people forget their sober lives when intoxicated (and often forget the details of their intoxicated lives when sober) as I usually seem to remember both states fairly well regardless of how messed up I am and it doesn't help me overcome bad feelings. (Though I have forgotten things I haven't been able to remember by getting plastered again.) For me it ENHANCES what I'm feeling, so if I'm happy then I get REALLY happy, but if I'm sad & lonely I get REALLY sad & lonely, which keeps me from trying to escape emotional pain through chemicals.

Hmm...have you tried exercise? I don't mean 50 jumping jacks, I mean where you push yourself into a sweaty mess from extreme aerobics and then shower/sauna. This not only helps purify the body of toxins that would otherwise harm your physical & emotional health, but it generates endorphins (that is, it works as a drug). Once you get used to it you can even get hooked on the rush and pleasure, and by that I mean genuine pleasure of being alive. And it's much safer and healthier than drugs, can increase rather than decrease self-respect, and all the while accomplishing the same things (other than forgetting but then you might find other things to remember instead).

[Geminize]

You've come a long way already, and you know you can keep it up. I give you a lot of credit for getting yourself out of the addiction so quickly at your age. Now there's a number of things you can do to support your commitment to yourself to stay sober.

• Get creative-- Your profile says you're into creativity, so find yourself a project that will take days or weeks to complete. If you can work with someone else on it, even better.
  
• Exercise-- Make yourself do it every day. It changes your brain chemistry for the better. Doesn't need to be a gym workout: run, walk, bike, swim, whatever you can make happen every day.
  
• Find some friends-- We are social animals. You need this. You might find some here on the forums, but you also need someone you can look in the eye or text when it's late and you feel like giving in to drink or drugs. You had friends before, and you will have them again. Just make sure to choose people who will support your healthy choices.
  

Hang in there. Visit the chat room here. PM me if you want. It's been a while since I was 17, but I'm willing to be there for someone in need.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie the urge never really goes away , you just get stronger every time you resist it.
Your will power will grow each time you are strong enough to resist.

I know we are not your family , but we all do care and are here for you.

[Aeneas]

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it..." - Oscar Wilde.

[OnlyHuman]

Thanks for the advice. The excercise really works! Keeps my mind off of it. And as for the counseling that's what help get me to where I am even though it was one on one it still helped. Now just to find some friends who want to be around me.

[Nick9]

Well, you are at the right place then