I need a little advice.

[Dan1980]

The longer you leave it the worse it will be.

[Englishman]

The longer you leave it the worse it will be.

It really can't get much worse at the moment.

[Dan1980]

We are all here for you if you ever want to talk

[Englishman]

Despite all of this, I still smile every day, and make sure I do something productive, but it is always there in my mind and I just wish it would go away.

[archubbycub]

All I can add to this is I know it hurts simply because my heart hurt just reading your posts. I've never been cheated on so I can't really give any advice there, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY deserves that! And I won't say that it will get better in time, cause really that pain will always be there. But it gets easier to deal with. Take some time for yourself. Get your life in order. Surround yourself with positive people, both in your real life and online. And most importantly, take care of you! Again,

[Dan1980]

When I broke up with my boyfriend I was told by loads of people that time is a great healer. I have found this to be true. I smile every day but of cause I miss him just like you miss your boyfriend.

[Nick9]

Thanks guys, I know you are right, of course you are.

But what worries me, is the minute I see him, I will fall for his charm instantly, agree to take him back, but secretly detests him for what he did, then end up back here again.

I sound weak, but after dedicating my life to him for 17 years, that is exactly what will happen, that is why I can't see him.

Hmm, so tell me, WHY would it be so bad? Huh?

Do you think that it would make you look weak? A coward? Or the more dependable one? Why are you so afraid to go back together? Because he may do it again?

Let's face it, you are in the hiding and you feel miserable. You don't need to prove yourself and stay away from him just because you feel like the world won't approve. If you feel like your life with him was great, work on it and make it work again.
If you feel like cheating is something that the whole decent world hates, ask yourself if YOU hate it, or if you just go with what all the world does.

Because it is possible that the fact that you are stuck, not able to move on, can mean that in the deep of your heart you would like to go back to him and are ashamed for feeling that way.

Don't prove yourself to the world, do what makes you happy. It's never easy to breakup and it's even harder after so many years.

I am not saying that everything will be great if you take him back. But you never know if you don't try.

Either way, you have to go back. You can't hide at your mother's place. Go back and breakup and talk about the finance and all the stuff you own, or try to live together again and work on the relationship.

[Englishman]

All I can add to this is I know it hurts simply because my heart hurt just reading your posts. I've never been cheated on so I can't really give any advice there, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY deserves that! And I won't say that it will get better in time, cause really that pain will always be there. But it gets easier to deal with. Take some time for yourself. Get your life in order. Surround yourself with positive people, both in your real life and online. And most importantly, take care of you! Again,

Thank you so much.

[Englishman]

No, I could never go back to him after that.
I believe in your partner being true to you.

17 years together, and he decided he wanted to find some other guy for a quick shag in my own bed.
No way could I forgive that.

When you commit to somebody, really commit to them, then cheating should never even cross your mind.

Of course I need to sort the finances out, but how can I do that, I can't bare to look at him, let alone SPEAK to him.

[Nick9]

Well, that should make things easier for you. Why on Earth will you go back to him, if you are feeling that way? Go back, stay emotionally distant, picture it like doing business with a total stranger.

It would be easier for me to understand that you have doubts and that's why you are afraid to go back. But if you don't?

Start with an email if it is easier and then move to talking face to face.

You have spent weeks thinking about it. It's time to pick up the phone and make the "dentist appointment." You can think about it for two more months, but it will always end at the fact that you need to make that step. It won't be easy, but it will put you closer to your goal - to live alone, without him.
If you want that, make that first step.

Good luck.