Hey there , I just signed up on here in the hope of getting advice. Well I am a man in my late twenties and lately I have been feeling extremely depressed even at times thinking of suicide.You see , I am gay , I have known I was gay since the age of 13 where I realized I was attracted to boys and not so much girls.The problem is I kept pretending I was straight , I even dated girls . I don't think people can tell I am gay because girls ask me out and no one came to me to question my sexuality. When I was a teen I was OK with my make believe life but as I am getting older I am starting to feel like I am going nowhere.I have a very loving mother and I am sure she will accept me no matter what but I know my brother , father and some of my friends will be horrified and I will probably loose them by coming out. My friends especially , I kept lying to them by acting like I was really into girls by saying things like that actress is so hot , I like that sort of woman etc ... I really made things worse for me.I can't really explain it but I have a big depression , I feel that if I stay in the closet , I'll be lonely for the rest of my life , I never got to experience real love because I never accepted or made peace with the fact that I am gay. I know it sound stupid but its like I have another me that I keep inside , someone more fun,more happy but I am scared to let him out . I know I have to do something soon or my depression will get worse but I have no idea what first step I need to take . This is the first time I am admiting my sexuality to anyone.Please if you have any advice , I would appreciate it, Am I too old to come out ?
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your world has rushed ahead of you and same sex marriage is legal and accepted as the law of the land in UK this year. Dont know what is more affirming.
I came out when i was like 40, sounds like you need to as well.
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First of all, you're never too old to come out!
That's the good news.
The bad news:
you may, like you expect,
lose some friends,
and not have the initial support of some family members.
Your friends that get sour about it...
well they were not your real friends to begin with!
You can always make new friends...
real ones that love you no matter what!
Your brother and father may take a little time to accept your true self,
but more than likely, they will eventually come around,
if not at first
(who knows? they may surprise you!).
Your happiness is what matters, first and foremost!
Life is too short to work so hard keeping other people happy with your hetero facade.
Once you come out, the relief you will feel will be astronomical!
It's well worth losing a few "friends" over,
and enduring some temporary minor possible objections from family.
The depression will begin to subside after you get comfortable with your new freedom, and mental clarity!
After that, go and socialize with the local LGBT community,
and make some amazing new gay allies,
to replace those lost fake friends who disowned the real you.
Keep us updated, and stick around!
We at Gayspeak are a supportive bunch!
Welcome!
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In my opinion, there are few things more important out there than being true to who you are. Sexuality obviously doesn't define all of you, but it's your life - live it in a way that makes YOU happy. Everyone has earned that right.
I spent a better part of my life pretending to be straight. I was married. I have kids (which I'm quite grateful for!), but I wasn't completely happy until I accepted this part of me.
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It's never too late to come out of the closet...and that's not even the main problem. What you need to do is to accept yourself. Other people's opinons don't matter if you don't love who you are.
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Like you, I just recently started the process of being honest about my sexuality....first to myself, then to a therapist and also on this forum. Unlike you, I'm in my forties and I now wish I would have done this long ago, before I caved to societal pressures, got married and started a family. I think youre absolutely right that we can never be truly happy in the closet. Coming out is scary and painful but I now believe the rewards of being your true self are too great to ignore. Be thankful you're starting this process earlier than so many of us in older generations, at a time whom so much progress is being made on gay rights. The world deserves to know the real you. Best of luck in your journey out of the darkness and into the light.
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You have mkore or less answered your own question: " I feel I'll never be happy if I stay in the closet..." So, you have to choose whether to stay unhappy or to take the plunge and be happy. Why would anyone choose to be unhappy for the rest of their lives?
As others have written, it's a bit of a scary journey but if your friends reject you then they were never your friends. As to your family, you will never know until you come out. Many of the guys on here have recounted how they have come out to their parents and siblings and have been surprised at the positive reaction. I'm not saying that there have never been negative reactions but you are in your late twenties but you don't say whether you are still living with your parents. If you are, then at your age it's time to become independent and becoming independent will enable to live your life as you wish, to make new friends, not necessarily gay but at least accepting of your orientation.
Keep posting here and let us know how you get on. We're a friendly bunch here and always willing to give support
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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Thanks , reading your comments does help a lot and honestly brings, it brings me comfort to be aware that other people has been through this .I will probably start by telling one person , probably my mother...Even that scares me to death , although , I know she will not reject me, she actually told me that she felt it was strange that I have never been on a relationship that lasted longer then a year and told me that I could tell her anything ...but after that I have a lot of homophobic people in my family ....like I said you guys are my first step in coming out , I will let you know how I get on.Thanks for taking the time to read me , it means a lot.
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I can relate to this so much , I grew up in London come from a tight Irish community , realized I was gay at a young age and stayed in the closet until last week . Went along with all the 'oh yea man she's fit bruv' blah blah .. . It had such a negative impact on my life so I used drugs alcohol to try and block out the feelings I was having , we all have different coping strategies and this was mine.
I got myself in to therapy and was encouraged to confront my problems and that's when I came out to my Therapist . You know that saying ' a weight lifted off your shoulders' well it's true ..
Only you will know when it's time maybe go see your GP first ask to speak to a councilor , the more you avoid it the worse it gets.
Good luck buddy!!
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Yes ! The all pretending to my friend that I am attracted to girls is starting to take its toll on me. I am very tiered of this and really , I did it so much that that it will be a real shock to a lot of people when I eventually come out. I did not turn to drink although it came to my mind but I have very heavy depression where I feel so alone even when I am not , you know what I mean ? Its funny I'm also half Irish and I'm virgo as well (born in August)  I wonder , the people you were friends with , did you loose all of them or some did stick by you ? I have friends , I am not attracted to but I really like as friends and I am worried of loosing whenthem I come out. I'm afraid they will automatically think that I have feelings for them just because I am gay...How was it for you?
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I feel I'll never be happy if I stay in the closet...
