I feel I'll never be happy if I stay in the closet...

[johnnyboy]

I have only come out to my Therapist , but my family know I just keep brushing it off , I am going on holiday tomorrow going to tell my mum properly on the beach then I guess she will tell my dad , more closer to my mum me and my da ain't really got that type of relationship ,but he does know and my family will be supportive . As for friends I got 2 real close girl mates going to tell them when I get back , then as for guy mates yea with you on that one but I have come to cross roads now can't live with all this anxiety and depression anymore . It's a start of a new journey one I have wanted so much and now it's in motion I'm sure I will find out who my real mates are and I am looking forward to meeting new friends .

You can do it , choose your life not what you think others want , you only get one life and you will learn along the way . x

[Dreamer]

I wonder , the people you were friends with , did you loose all of them or some did stick by you ? I have friends , I am not attracted to but I really like as friends and I am worried of loosing whenthem I come out. I'm afraid they will automatically think that I have feelings for them just because I am gay...How was it for you?

For me,
I actually didn't have any friends reject me for being gay.
If anything they were very accepting and eager to support me.


None of my guy friends made issue,
of feeling threatened by me possibly having "feelings" for them.


Every one's situation is different,
but I think a lot of time people always think the worst before coming out,
then are taken back by none of their horrid expectations coming through with reality.


It's funny,
out of all of the "coming out's" I've done with friends and family,
everyone of them were very sensitive, accepting, and loving about the situation.


And the craziest part is that most of them already knew I was gay,
from the start,
even though I don't fit the gay "stereotype"
[SIZE="2"](some people can sense these things, regardless of your mannerisms),
[/SIZE] and made light-hearted issue with why I didn't come out to them long before.


Your mother,
like you'd suggested,
probably already knows,
so come out to her first,
then maybe your friends,
and finally your dad and brother.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I came out when I was 41, married and with two children (Oh and military, just to add to the complexity of it all)

Im now divorced and have been in a (reasonably) stable same sex relationship now for almost 10 years.

My message is, its never too late!

Yes it can be hugely daunting to come out, especially if you have established a straight persona. The thing is, as you have found out, living the lie of being straight really takes its toll on you emotionally. Its only a matter of time before it starts to interfere in your relationship with family, friends, coworkers etc. By the time it gets to that stage to can become all consuming, as you are finding out.

There are loads of horror stories out there about family and friends reactions to people when they come out. There are equally loads more stories of family and friends acceptance of people for who they are, and for having the courage to tell it as it is.

Being gay does not define who you are, its just a part of you. You will still be you at OGM+1 (Out Gay Male + 1 day )

My advice would be to use this forum for advice, as most of us have been there and done that as they say, and generally we are all a very friendly bunch

You could reach out to a local LGBT support group (there are enough of them in London, just Google it)

Or - and this is the big step - you can confide in a close relative (mum's usually know - Its true!) or choose a close personal friend (females can sometimes be easier, but a close male friend is just as good) be prepared to get emotional, and ensure that whomever you confide in, you trust enough not to blab it all over social media, or their best friend etc.

As someone else said earlier, the stigma that used to be attached to being gay (or bi) has long gone from the UK. You just need to take a deep breath and step back a little.

to the forum



ObW
X

[AbelD]

Well... If you don't feel happy with yourself because you are on the closet you should tell them what you are, and also say that the reason why you didn't say it before was because you were afraid that you may lost them as friends!

The family is overrated, if they don't accept don't worry, you will have friends that they will! And probably you will lose a few ones, but you will find a new friends that will accept you and the way you are... Don't worry you have to be strong )

[RDM]

Most of your friends and family will quickly realize that being gay is just part of the package they learned to love and to admire, and that it won't be worthy to send you away just because of that part.

Some of them won't, unfortunately, but they'll be just showing they never really cared about you that much.

[Sil]

I remember feeling the same way before I came out, and it's funny because I was in a really bad headspace back then as well; seems like supressing things really doesn't work in the long run.

I thought I'd lose a lot of friends and that I wouldn't know how to tell them. The fact was that while some of them didn't want to get into details, they were happy for me to be who I wanted to be, and they still wanted to hang out with me. The things you imagine of people are often far from the truth. I hope things get better for you mate, you sound like you're in a tough place right now but you know where you want to be. There's lots here who can give you plenty of advice. Happiness is something you can attain, but it's not always easy.

[OGB]

Thank you all for sharing your own input on this, it really helps me a lot. Like I mentioned before you guys are actually the firsts ones I came out to . I will take some of your advice and go look for a lgbt support group nearby and I will tell my mum first. I will keep you posted. I am happy that I have found this forum , its a good starting point.

[OGB]

I remember feeling the same way before I came out, and it's funny because I was in a really bad headspace back then as well; seems like supressing things really doesn't work in the long run.

You know this is really what has been killing me little by little, for most of my life I had been on that mindset that I could make myself straight if I tried hard enough , that I could have a wife and kids and everything will work out and it will make my family happy and they will never noticed that I ever had those feelings. When I was 13 and I first realized that I felt attracted to boys at my school it really confused and scarred me and its from then on that I believed that I could straighten myself up but man , was I wrong !!! I can honestly say I wasted a chunk of my life , I never was truly in love because of this.I liked girls I was dating but I didn't love them and I felt guilty when they fell in love with me, I felt I was using them to make people believe I was straight and that guild is the worst feeling. I don't want to feel so sad anymore , I have spend too much time trying to be the person my family expected me to be.Reading all of you is really giving me strength , I don't want to sound super corny but its true and I am going to do this.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You can't choose to be straight or gay.

But yuo can choose to be miserable or not.

Clearly you are choosing to be miserable.

If it helps:

I hereby order you to stop making yourself miserable.

[starbelly]

Hey there , I just signed up on here in the hope of getting advice. Well I am a man in my late twenties and lately I have been feeling extremely depressed even at times thinking of suicide.You see , I am gay , I have known I was gay since the age of 13 where I realized I was attracted to boys and not so much girls.The problem is I kept pretending I was straight , I even dated girls . I don't think people can tell I am gay because girls ask me out and no one came to me to question my sexuality. When I was a teen I was OK with my make believe life but as I am getting older I am starting to feel like I am going nowhere.I have a very loving mother and I am sure she will accept me no matter what but I know my brother , father and some of my friends will be horrified and I will probably loose them by coming out. My friends especially , I kept lying to them by acting like I was really into girls by saying things like that actress is so hot , I like that sort of woman etc ... I really made things worse for me.I can't really explain it but I have a big depression , I feel that if I stay in the closet , I'll be lonely for the rest of my life , I never got to experience real love because I never accepted or made peace with the fact that I am gay. I know it sound stupid but its like I have another me that I keep inside , someone more fun,more happy but I am scared to let him out . I know I have to do something soon or my depression will get worse but I have no idea what first step I need to take . This is the first time I am admiting my sexuality to anyone.Please if you have any advice , I would appreciate it, Am I too old to come out ?

Oh god, please do not consider suicide. I've been at that breaking point before (didn't have to do with being gay though), and just do whatever you have to to stop that. Depression is awful, and I still struggle with it. It's something you work at every day.

As for your situation— well, it's on your hands to come out to those you choose to. You can't control their reactions to it, but you can control how you respond to their reactions. Honestly, I feel alien to a lot of people who had such a hard time with families because mine has always been great in that regard— being accepting of my sexuality— mom, dad, and brother. Don't get me wrong, they're dysfunctional in other ways, but they've always been very supportive of me.

You've taken the first step by admitting the truth to yourself. You can manage baby steps from here on out, trust me. You'll be happier for it and not live in a constant state of hiding. That's unhealthy.