pellaz Wrote:... stay with the bf so you don't re start smoking.
Quoted for truth 
EDIT : you can just at least talk to him about how you feel and see how it works out, u don't have to keep him in the dark
EDIT2: I made the edit because it seems people start to boycott you and thats not right imo .. you should do what you feel is right but also take into consideration his feeling as well
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I expected to see responses like this, but that's ok, because I know all of you are right and I'm not a good boyfriend. We had a talk about it yesterday and he refuses to break up with me, he's sure that I'm the right man for him. He said that even during attacks he feels safe with me, however that can't be true, because s_it my pants is all I can do when he starts to have one. Yes, I know that I'm a coward, but my family and me, we've always been healthy people, therefore I've no idea what to do when someone is having problems like this.
P.S. I miss smoking as well.
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Ok...smoking will kill both of you...him in a heartbeat, you in the future, so it can only be good to quit smoking for whatever reason...
About the main issue discussed, yes, it's a crappy thing to dump him over a condition he's had forever.
I see that you lack proper responses and reactions to his condition, so you have 2 ways to go, and they all start by telling him "right now, I can't deal with your condition. I don't know how to react to asthma attacks. I'm scared of you having one. I don't know what measures I have to take when it happens".
I'm not judging you for it. If you are unrelated to conditions like this, it's only natural to not know how to react and to be afraid.
So, the first way to go, is learning how to deal with it, asking about the measures and steps to take when he has an episode and you're with him. Asthma is a bitch, but is rather manageable, really. Not like he's having them every second, right?
The second way to go is to not do it. And then you'll be telling him "I can't".
To go one way or the other depends on your willingness.
"Am I willing to get pass the fear and learning how to manage a condition?"
"Is he the kind of guy that makes it all worth it?"
Take asthma away, think about everything else and ask "Is the relationship a good one?"
Before making any decision ask yourself those questions
Best of lucks!
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Anonymous Wrote:I expected to see responses like this, but that's ok, because I know all of you are right and I'm not a good boyfriend. We had a talk about it yesterday and he refuses to break up with me, he's sure that I'm the right man for him. He said that even during attacks he feels safe with me, however that can't be true, because s_it my pants is all I can do when he starts to have one. Yes, I know that I'm a coward, but my family and me, we've always been healthy people, therefore I've no idea what to do when someone is having problems like this.
P.S. I miss smoking as well.
As someone who grew up with a life threatening disease of my own, with more near death experiences than I like to think about, and a brother with V.A.T.E.R's syndrome who has a backwards heart and has had 26 surgeries, and who worked for three years as a caretaker for adults with developmental and physical disabilities....
This just astounds me.
But... I appreciate your honesty. I understand that you're in a situation that you are unfamiliar with and don't understand. Obviously you've made some sacrifices. Quitting smoking is no easy task.
If your sense of discomfort during his attacks outweighs your love for your boyfriend, then I think for his sake you should break up with him. He deserves someone who's not going to shit his pants when he's dealing with such a terrifying ordeal.
OR!!!!
You can overcome your fear, maybe not erase it, but overcome it. Talk to a therapist and figure out why his attacks scare you so much. Read up on asthma, educate yourself so you know what to do in that situation. Allow your compassion and love for him to elevate your being and your person so that you can be someone that your boyfriend should feel safe around, and someone that you can respect.
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My partner of 10 years has asthma. He's had it all his adult life - and he smokes! (Don't even go there LoL)
He controls it with a small inhaler, and he has never had an asthma attack in all that time. The trick is to control it, and ensure the environment is healthy. There is lots you can do to make it easier for him.
If the relationship isn't working, then you need to man up and stop using asthma as an excuse to break up with him - at least thats how it sounds.
There isn't one mention of how you feel about him or the relationship. That speaks volumes. Its all about you.
Personally, I think he would be better off without you..
Just my opinion.
ObW
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His asthma is not an excuse in this case. Our relationships are good and he's a wonderful guy and I want to be with him, but maybe he needs someone who's more caring than me. He has had quite a lot attacks since he's together with me, it wasn't like that before, at least that's what he said.
It could be that I'm no good to him, because I'm too selfish, I think about all the things common for me that I have to refuse now because it could harm him. However yesterday he said he doesn't want to hear one more word about breaking up.
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It sounds to me like your under confident in the relationship, and this whole asthma thing in undermining what little confidence you have. Him saying he doesn't want to hear one more word about breaking up, should tell you something!
Why not do some research on asthma online, at least that way you know what to look out for and how to treat if it gets serious. Talk to him about his medication and how he uses it - and importantly know where he keeps it. Do you guys live together?
You could also reinforce your commitment to him by going on a first aid course, so that you at least know the basics should the situation demand it. It will also give you more confidence in how to deal with an attack should you need to get involved if he is unable to self medicate.
Bottom line is there are lots of things you can do to make the likelihood of an attach remote, and learn how to react should he have one.
Only you know whether the relationship is working on other levels. Breaking up because of your panicked reaction to him having asthma is just lame....
ObW
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Geminize Wrote:Don't break up with him because he has asthma. Break up with him because YOU can't deal with his asthma. Own it, and tell him. You owe him that much. He should have a partner that can deal if he's in a real emergency. If you just say "it's over and goodbye", then you really are a douche.
Yes, you should really have a long, meaningful talk about it if this how you feel.
To just leave him without a word or valid explanation is harsh and selfish. That's wrong to do.
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No, we don't live together, but we see each other almost every day and sometimes he spends evenings and any holidays he has at my place.
He's really wonderful guy and he's very important to me and perhaps this is why his asthma scares me so much, because he might die.....at least when it happens he really looks like he's going to die and I just don't know how to help and what to do. He tells me to not to worry about it, he says his attacks are not that severe and he's able to help himself, however it doesn't look like it.
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Yeah, it is definitely hard to cope with something that you don't know much about, and don;t know what to do when emergency situation arrives. But, that does not mean you should break up, you are worried for his sake, and of course people wants to ran away from they see something that they can't do anything about. It's scary to even face it, but you did face it. Now, stick up to it and face it again. If you don't know much about asthma, then learn more about it, so you know. Discuss with local physician about the condition, learn more about it, so you know what perfume to pick up, you know what triggers attack, and you know what to do if he has one again. It's scary to face someone in a attack, but you gotta stick up your courage and do it.
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