Gay Husband - Straight Wife - Need Advice!

[Reece1997]

Like the other guys have said you deserve much better, no one deserves to be treated how you have been treated, i can imagine it would be a difficult situation for you and I wish you all the luck in the world getting out of it!
Good Luck!

[nfisher1226]

To answer the question asked...

While it's impossible to get into the guy's head, there are some experiences that are common enough to be pretty general, and thus often accurate. It's pretty common for a guy, especially a bisexual guy but sometimes a gay guy, to be so far in denial about being attracted to men that he shows no signs of it outwardly. It's possible the feelings changed or intensified over time. It's possible he was in agony he was lusting over men and only men the entire time. It's even possible this is an experimental phase he's going through. But what is certain is that you won't ever really know, because you can't get into his head.

And really, the best thing you can do is to stop worrying about the why's and how long's, or trying to make sense of it in some way. Stop trying to understand it, and him. Shut the door to all that and move on.

If you must know, an awful lot of men are either uncomfortable or unsure of being gay/bisexual/whatever and they can't explain it adequately themselves. I personally was married for a long time, to a woman. That ended, for reasons unrelated to my sexuality, but even before it ended I was beginning to admit to myself the truth and come to terms with it. Frankly, many of us have been so indoctrinated with the idea that being gay makes us less of a man we fight against the notion that we might be gay. We wind up being at war with ourselves. Am I adequately explaining that? Probably not. I don't feel I can really put the experience into words. Even if I could, everybody experiences things differently.

Which once again boils down to the fact that you're probably never going to understand this.

[tdoles]

1226 there is wisdom in your words. He seems to be angry most of the time, I've often commented on it that he seems to be unhappy and he told me I was crazy....I see things now I didn't before. I truly believe he is at war with himself and knowing him he will never come out thus making not only himself unhappy but me too. I will be informing him of the divorce but I don't want to hurt him anymore than he's hurt himself. How would you suggest I approach him with everything. This also affects our working arrangements. Our world is about to be completely turned upside down. I'm open for any suggestions...

[luvitnow]

From experience I can say that when I came out to my wife and what I put her through was ugly she ended up being my best friend and we have somewhat reconciled.My life was in a tumble for about 5 months but after the initial bitterness stage was over and both of us calmed down we got back on ground.Although I have only had one gay affair and the affair itself was a mistake( but the sex was good) and taught me a lesson.My wife showed her true love for me by basically sticking up and fighting for our relationship.At some point common sense prevailed loyalty like that does not come easily or everyday.Gay or straight the relationship is what keeps people together.I cannot say that I do not miss some of the sex I had but sex with my wife is pretty damn good too.We have been together for over 30 years and had an affair or two along the way which in my mind is no big deal and we are still together taking on the problems of life everyday.Calm down have a talk with him and if cooler heads prevail you may be able to work it out.Honesty is key so you must be brutally honest with one another.It is definitely worth a shot.

[Rainbowmum]

I think you already know the answer to your husbands sexuality.
To be honest with you I am more concerned with you putting up with the emotional abuse.

Ask yourself is this the example you want to pass on to your daughter?