Complicated Situation

[dfiant1]

^^^bingo^^^

[Anonymous]

You abandoned your principles to embark on a relationship, then told him you would have to stick to your principles if you two were to be together? This entire situation is of your creation and stems from a serious lapse of logic. I don't mean to sound harsh, but clearly this guy is struggling and has difficulties and you're not only sending mixed signals, even if you don't realize it, but you're also being unfair to him by asserting your commitment to his well-being while simultaneously saying you can't give him everything he wants. The way I see it, you knew what you were getting yourself into regardless of what he promised you, and the fact that it's only been a few months and you're asking him to stick his neck out like that is really selfish. If you cared for him as much as you claim, I doubt you'd lack a basic level of understanding and acceptance of his feelings.

We're not in a relationship and we never have been. I told him in the very beginning that if he felt like my principle of only being together with non-closeted guys was in the way for him, or if he thought it would hurt him eventually, he should tell me so and we'd end things right there. He told me then however that it was no problem, that he understood and that he'd come out soon.

Did I know what I was getting myself into? No, because he told me there was no problem and I expected him to be honest. I didn't send ANY mixed signals at all, on the contrary I was always completely honest about my intentions and my feelings, something I'd never done before.

[trywait]

We're not in a relationship and we never have been.

seems like you're at a juncture...

earlier, you said you were seeing each other for 3 months; now, you're at a point to see if this can get serious or not. based on your points so far, it's a big "no." unless you're willing to sit down to communicate with each other and discuss his expectations with your expectations; and eventually compromise or find some common ground, this is basically the end of it...

in other words, you're experiencing the beginning of the end.

[Rainbowmum]

First of all let me say I am not judging you ,however I am really confused with you saying that you will always be there for him and insisting that he come out.

It's just that always means to me as no matter what happens.

Do you love him ?

Sweetie for some people it is easy to come out they have the safety net of family,unfortunately it is not the same with others.

I cannot wait for the day when no one feels that they must come out ,I guaranty you not many straight people go around advertising their sexuality.

I feel for your friend very much , how awful it is that he got raped ,without proper help he may be going through the loop of questioning everything that happened before the rape.
"Did he do something to deserve that, wear anything or say anything to lead the rapist on."
Believe it or not without counseling he could very well be stuck in that loop.

We know nothing would have stopped the rape ,but does he?

Please talk him in to getting help ,he needs to come to terms with the violence of a rape.
He also needs to understand that his sexuality has nothing to do with the rape.
He has been violated and needs proper help.

We are all here for you.

[philsguy95]

You said "seeing each other." What else could that possibly constitute? Also, you've told him you'll always be there for him, but you can't give yourself to him completely. If he has feelings you can't reciprocate, but you're insisting there's enough care there for you to be there for him like that, that is ABSOLUTELY a mixed signal, even if you can't see it or want to admit it.