Oh dear. For what it’s worth, I would also give you a huge hug if I were there.
A few things you need to bear in mind. You are 21 years old. I know it’s of no consolation but most 21 year olds – regardless of sexual orientation – are still finding their way, growing into their looks etc.
Also, one of the things we don’t always realise is that shitty comments from others, the bitchy comments from the stick-thin twinks who probably haven’t eaten a decent meal in weeks, is more a reflection of what is going on in their own heads, more than anything you’ve done.
You realised and accepted your sexual orientation at a young age. Give yourself some credit for that. You didn’t deny who you were, you didn’t stick your head in the sand and go further into the closet. Believe me, that was me when I was your age. It’s not a good place to be.
Personally, I do feel like the existence of the gay “community†is something of a media concoction and I’m not entirely convinced it actually exists, any more than a “straight community†actually exists. Unfortunately people don’t generally realise this until they come out. But that is very much a side issue.
I feel for you, I really do. Partly because I feel like I could have written the content of your original post myself. All of the things you discuss, I have said time and time again and I have felt similarly alone, unwanted, etc. etc. Hell, I’ll be 37 this year and I am still impossibly single and I do occasionally feel the same as you do. But I PROMISE YOU that in time you will learn to develop a sense of humour or stop giving a shit about the arseholes who make those comments.
If you want to meet gay guys, look for activities that don’t necessarily revolve around bars. Join a gay bowling league. A gay cinema group. Anything. But you need to re-educate your brain so that it stops associating gay guys with these negative experiences. But also if your self-esteem is an issue, spend time with friends. Do things that don’t necessarily involve the gay community. Do things that you enjoy doing and you’re interested in. self-esteem will come from that as well, just because you’re gay you’re not required to spend every waking moment with gay guys. Having sex and getting laid isn't the be-all and end-all.
And consider therapy with a good gay-friendly or preferably gay therapist.
Sorry if it sounds harsh but it's 3am in the morning here in Europe
P.S. I am notoriously bad at taking my own advice