Where am i going wrong?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He may be passive/introverted.

I'm a very introverted/passive type person - I rarely if ever put myself out there to initiate conversations, but when the right guy comes along and asks questions I answer. Further more, I may not ask him questions, but when he talks about himself I really listen and memorize what he says - yeah its kinda creepy... but in a nice way.

Why? Because that is what I am. Some of it is a desire to not be rejected, a greater part of it is to not be a burden and not appear to be too needy. Passive guys tend to have to balance their desire to need a person against the negative back slaps they get when they do.

Introverts tend to bond well with one person and one person only, we try hard to not impose, we try to be very attentive, and we tend to feel if we press that we are breaking social taboos. We also struggle with the fine line of asking the right number of questions and showing too much interest. We tend to side with the side of silence hoping that no message is a positive.

If you find that this guy responds well to your initiating, and willing talks when you ask questions and actually listens when you talk, he may be very interested, but introverted or passive to the point where he just can't bring himself to ask personal questions or throw himself at you.

You may find he has a memory like a steel trap - everything you have said he has memorized. Introverts and passive people take the whole 'listen to me' thing very, very seriously and they do listen.

Society is against 'needy' unfortunately passive people ARE needy, we need a strong partner who leads us, we need to serve our partner - maybe not like a slave, but in many minor ways, both physically and psychologically. Part of that is to not impose our will on our partners/potential partners, and nothing is quite as judgmental sounding as riddling a person with lots of questions. Accepting what is, over asking a lot of questions is part and parcel of the submissive/introvert way of doing things.

[Evan88]

Give him space...

If he really likes you then he would initiate

Just make the flow of things natural, and dont expect things to happen so fast

All the best

[PenguinPecker]

It seems like he just wants to have sex and not the whole package deal. But, if you guys have been chatting a lot and he suddenly stops, then he might just think it's overwhelming or he just needs time to think about it.
I remember doing a similar thing to a friend. I kept postponing meeting him because I was nervous and eventually I met him and we really hit it off! I think that you should just tell him that he needs to set up a date and time that works for him (or get him to tell you a few dates that are available in case one doesn't work out for you) and let you know so that you can actually meet.

If you think he's just shy about meeting in public or something, ask him to meet you at a quiet place with few people.

I don't think you're going wrong anywhere. I think that you just need to maybe give him some time. It seems like it's more on his end.

Just be careful! I don't want anyone getting hurt!
I hope what I said helps and makes sense!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Give him space...

If he really likes you then he would initiate

Um no.

I have met a number of guys that I was really, really interested in - but I never said anything at all or initiated because its just not in my nature to start the ball rolling.

I rarely if ever walk up to anyone to start a conversation. Its not because I'm indifferent or hate the person, its because I frankly have no idea what to say to get the ball rolling.

But, if a person walks up to me and starts talking I respond, usually without vomiting up my guts... literally and figuratively... :biggrin:

About 1/3rd of the population is introverted, while most of them are only slightly introverted and can force themselves to take a stance and initiate 'stuff' (especially when they have sufficient amounts of alcohol or other substances in their system) the remainder are usually unable (not unwilling, unable - two vastly different things) to initiate - even if they are sloshing with alcohol.

This is typical of introverts. We WANT to initiate, we WANT to ask those pertinent questions, we just can't find the right words or we sit there stewing over the end results of what initiating will do.

Don't make the assumption that a guy isn't interested in you because he never sends the first email, or texts you out of the blue... Most likely what is happening is he opens up his email and starts to compose, gets your address in their, might get a subject line filled in then sits there staring at the blankness of the text part trying real hard to come up with words to fill that space.

Introverts don't stare at people in that creepy way because they are creepy, we stare because we are interested and our wide eyed, glassy gaze is due to the massive amount of thoughts running through our head and the silent screaming of 'Get over there dumbass and say something!'

[Letmar]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, he should be the one to say whether he is interested or not, and if he is... I recon is his turn to propose dates and times for you two to meet up...

Keep your distance for a while though... as some people have mentioned before, nobody likes people who come across as desperate/needy/clingy - so, you don't want to give that impression... nobody does!

In the meantime, find something/one to entertain yourself with! ^.~

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to the forum.

Grindr, like most of the online apps, attracts a fair amount of people who may be gay, bi or curious, but who, for whatever reason are just not ready to take that first step and actually meet someone. Even after investing a lot of time chatting online, you will still get people who are unwilling to meet.

You also get the married guys or guys who are already in a relationship, who like the freedom of chatting, and the thrill of the chase so to speak, who may even agree to meet and just never turn up.

Either way, if someone you want to meet is being evasive, then generally it means they are uninterested in meeting. Rather than continue to waste your time, hit the block button and move on.

The last thing to mention is that most people who are on these apps are only chasing one thing, and generally speaking it's not love, a relationship and adopted kids! That doesn't mean there aren't those type of guys out there, it's just that they are the exception rather than the rule.

Use Grindr for what it was designed for, to scratch an itch, and go out and have fun!

ObW
X

[747XL29]

some people freak out .

LOL been doing that for 45 years