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Scared and Confused. Please help
#11
Your gut is saying something - perhaps you should put the question to him directly - you know him and know when he is lying.

I get that its hard to put a person through the inquisition, however this list of 'evidence' needs to be explained for your peace of mind.

If he can't or won't then you may need to consider what the future holds for 'us' as in your relationship.

My last relationship I ignored a lot of evidence, always explaining it away or flat denying it. At the end he left the browser open on the computer with his email account open. The subjects of a few got my interest and I discovered he had ads in all sorts of sites for hook-ups. Worst, he had had many hook-ups.

To be conservative, we will say ten a year... out of the 14 years we were together he had only been doing that for the last 12 years. Rolleyes

Like you I had 'evidence' that was circumstantial for 12 long years. Unlike you I didn't seek out an opinion, nor did anyone tell me point blank to start asking him the questions needed answered.

If I had it may have saved me a lot of time, money, energy and other stuff.

I know 11 years is a long time to be with a person, so its going to hurt you no matter if you do ask him or not. You will sit there and stew on this 'stuff' that is going on. I can't tell you what he is doing, nor can anyone else. He and only he can answer these questions, and for the sake of a decade, he should do the proper thing and tell you.

Good luck.
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#12
It is time to have a talk with him. Ask him why he lied about the phone. Be calm and repeat the question until he actually answers it.

It sounds as if you are questioning your relationship with him and this may be the dealbreaker for you. In order for you to explore this you need to have a talk with him and put it all on the table.

I think you already know the truth for what it is worth.
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#13
My advice would be to sit him down and talk about the state of the relationship.
Rather part as friends than have a messy brek up.
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#14
Sounds to me like it's been over for quite some time... years? Yet for whatever reasons neither one of you want to face reality and call it like it is. Fear of hurting the other? Shared bank accounts? Joint ownership in property? Don't know what to tell friends and family? Scared of being alone? Fear of a "failed" relationship?

Denial is no place to live.
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#15
Borg69 says it all really.

Breaking up is going to hurt no matter whose fault it is.

You need to talk and ask questions about where the relationship is going. After so long together, you own that much to each other.

Be prepared for some hostility though. Snooping on your SO's phone is always going to be a can of worms that can lead you down all sorts of holes.

Bighug

Good Luck

ObW
X
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#16
It's painful for me to read the OP and ensuing discussion.

This thread sucks. It mirrors parts of myself I do not wish to see. It references the games people play, often at each others expense without informed consent. And while there ARE three sides to every story and then the truth, if you must live "like this" you must decide how much choice you are exercising in the pattern.

Victimization is a full course meal often with too many cooks spoiling the stew.

People show you who they are, believe them.

Hope you'll stay connected here as you wade through this mess. Knuddel
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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#17
Thank you for all the advice. I am definitely going to talk to him. Just got to find a moment to... I know that is just partly an excuse not to but I need time to build up the composure
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#18
MBRetzlaff Wrote:Thank you for all the advice. I am definitely going to talk to him. Just got to find a moment to... I know that is just partly an excuse not to but I need time to build up the composure
Well, come back and let us know how it goes.
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#19
By getting rid of the phone stuff, you lost evidence, your boyfriend is deff up to something, confront him
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#20
So I confronted him. He denied everything. It made me pretty angry. He claims that he didn't even know how to use the phone. When I showed him the text he said "I didn't send that and I have no idea who that is". I broke it off with him and we are probably going to go our separate ways...
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