For how long have you used someboby just for sex.

[novice]

That is - you dated them mainly for the sex but perhaps "knew" you would never "love" them or want them as a long term boyfriend (even though YOU knew they felt more for you & wanted/expected more)? Months, years? Be honest even though it's not exactly a "nice" thing to "admit" to!

[mookytx]

well the twist is I was in love with my step brother, he and I were inseperable until he joined the army. He dumped me. I would have spent my life with him.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I used my ex-fwb for sex for just about a year before breaking it off with him because he became addicted to meth.

He then became my stalker, broke into my home and attacked me, went to jail, hired someone he met there into a home invasion and attack on me. The guy killed me on my kitchen floor (i was obviously resuscitated, of course) and went to prison... as did my ex-fwb for having hired him.

Sometimes? Shit just hits the fan in ways you never thought it would at the time you set things in motion.

[East]

Well...you say it isn't a "nice" thing and I vehemently disagree....

I have no idea why hot sex needs to "lead" to anything. Why can't it just be what it is?

When people have expectations....should'nt they own them instead of blaming the other person for not being who they want them to be?

I used hundreds of guys for sex...they used me....it was mutual and it was great. (well...most of the time it was) I am happy I did it and would do (most) of it again.

What I did was honest. No apologies...no regrets

[Edward]

Never. If I know it's just sex I want from someone, I tell him that straight away. In my opinion, it's indescribably cruel to play with other's person's feelings especially when you know they feel it it you.

[novice]

Well...you say it isn't a "nice" thing and I vehemently disagree....

I have no idea why hot sex needs to "lead" to anything. Why can't it just be what it is?
When people have expectations....should'nt they own them instead of blaming the other person for not being who they want them to be?

It doesn't "have" to lead to anything. If it isn't or doesn't then you can just be hooking up - which is fine (especially when both ppl know that's what it is). That would be more a FWB thing. My meaning was two ppl dating with the expressed (spoken) intention of "creating" or "leading" to a relationship. If one of the ppl in that situation knowingly strings the other along knowing full well they will never truly want to be in a "relationship" with them (OR decides that at a later point) then to me that is dishonest & unfair. "Taking advantage" of someone, leading them on, just so you can get sex out of it is...uh,....less than honorable in my book.

Never. If I know it's just sex I want from someone, I tell him that straight away. In my opinion, it's indescribably cruel to play with other's person's feelings especially when you know they feel it it you.

I agree with that!

[East]

It doesn't "have" to lead to anything. If it isn't or doesn't then you can just be hooking up - which is fine (especially when both ppl know that's what it is). That would be more a FWB thing. My meaning was two ppl dating with the expressed (spoken) intention of "creating" or "leading" to a relationship. If one of the ppl in that situation knowingly strings the other along knowing full well they will never truly want to be in a "relationship" with them (OR decides that at a later point) then to me that is dishonest & unfair. "Taking advantage" of someone, leading them on, just so you can get sex out of it is...uh,....less than honorable in my book.

Honestly...the conversations never happened. It was understood. I avoided anyone who was into my looks or who I sensed had any kind of emotional attachment to me. If someone said "we look good together"...never gonna have sex with them....

I also avoided virgins and people who were waiting for someone special.

The FWB and hook up stuff......never used those terms openly or even in my mind. I called them guys I loved to fuck.

The one time I remember it coming up....my favorite fuck...he owned a construction company and he was a contractor who built a lot of luxury hotels and stuff like that....he bought houses for fun all over Silicon valley back before the boom...smart man! We probably fucked 300 times and met all over the place....one day he asked me if I thought we should be in a relationship because people who fucked as often as we did were expected to/supposed to have some other sort of "thing"....and we looked at each other and laughed and said "Do we have to?".....

We then realized we both already had the perfect relationship.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have done a lot of horrific things to a lot of people in my time, but I can honestly say that this isn't one of them.

I'm more into sex when there is a foundation of love and trust. I tried two one night stands, that wasn't at all satisfying. Frankly I can't see how using someone for just sex especially if they think there is more to it is going to be satisfying, perhaps horrifying as that brings up a lot of personal issues I have surrounding sex used as a tool of power.

I suspect that relationship #2 was more or less me being used for any number of things, including his sexual pleasure. But then he turned out to be a real piece of work, started beating on me, I left, he stalked and did all manner of shit, I trumped his shit, it all ended the night he dragged me out of a bar knocked me to the floor and started kicking me screaming at the top of his lungs 'I love you'.

---> Bright side, because of him I took self defense lessons - lets see the next guy with 100+ pounds on me win. I'll rip his gonads from his crotch. :eek:

I view the use/abuse of others to be an intolerable situation. Between #2 and my childhood I know first hand what hurt is like. Be it physical, mental, emotional, verbal or sexual - hurt is hurt and it does severe damage for the long run.

I'm very damaged.

Granted, I have used people in the past, used them to get ahead in the world, or used them to move furniture for me - even verbally abused a few guys - specially at bars/clubs where I allowed them to buy me a drink or three before I burst their little bubble about what their real future with me holds for them.

But sexually use someone? Nah that is just to intimate and breaks my code of ethics.

I don't have a moral compass, but I am a very ethical man.

If you are doing this to somebody I strongly suggest you lie and never tell them it was only about the sex. Understand I usually tell people to stick with truth, but truth in this sort of situation if they are blissfully ignorant will do far more damage than acting like love has cooled, or you just don't feet this realtionship is going anywhere and leave him like a lover would.

If this is happening to you, you must put a stop to it. You are only a victim as long as you allow yourself to be victimized. No man who would do this to you will respect you nor come to love you. If he is using you then its because he is selfish and knows no better. It is a form of abuse.... such people rarely change their spots without a serious life changing event to cause them to see the error of their ways and seek to change them.

[Cuddly]

I used my ex-fwb for sex for just about a year before breaking it off with him because he became addicted to meth.

He then became my stalker, broke into my home and attacked me, went to jail, hired someone he met there into a home invasion and attack on me. The guy killed me on my kitchen floor (i was obviously resuscitated, of course) and went to prison... as did my ex-fwb for having hired him.

Sometimes? Shit just hits the fan in ways you never thought it would at the time you set things in motion.

O_O

I hope you made that up, but in case you didn't, I'm so sorry to hear that!
Drugs are bad.

[OkayOkay]

I have never done that before. Guys I were with in that manner knew that they were nothing more than a friend with benefits.