caught partner in bed with a friend

[david777]

I walled in on my partner for 5 years with one of his best mates husband. I had been out earlier but only for 1 drink as I had a bike ride in the morning so I left my partner with one of his female friend. Later that night he must have meet up with the guy when he went to a gay bar. They arrived home at 3am. Isn need upstairs. I could hear them chatting in the downstairs bedroom for wrote some time. I thought it was too long and had suspicion that more was going on. As i got near i could hear giggling and kissing or something. I stood outside the door for a short while then walked in on the them. They were under the covers together and froze when i walked in. I pulled the cover off my bf side of the beef and his trousers were unbuttoned and down from the waist. The 'friend closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. I aid what's going on and my bf said'nothing, you're being stupid'. I told him this want cool and left the room. He followed me upstairs and was trying to touch me and I pushed him away. He said I was being really stupid and dumb, then he said I was an idiot and called me a cunt. This happened Saturday morning now and I have just wanted to get away from him. We are supposed to be moving to my home country together in may and take over my families business. I feel so humiliated and don't know what to do.

[Maverick]

Sorry to hear about your troubles David. You need to do some heavy soul searching to determine your next move.

[Darius]

Not only is he not sorry for what he did, he is trying to turn it on you. Then he gets abusive with you. Do you really need this kind of person in your life? When I read this stuff at GS, I am amazed at how many people stay together for so long with guys who are just not worth it.

[MikeW]

Well, sorry this has happened to you. I can understand your feelings of humiliation, not to mention hurt, betrayal, confusion, anger, and a lot of other things.

It is better to have found this out NOW rather than later, right? Yes, it is disappointing, but -- unless you want to stay in a relationship with a man who disrespects you, lies to you and tries to manipulate you -- what other choice do you have?

[excalibur77]

Walk away man. Outside of you catching him in the act, like Darius said, he's trying to turn around the issue to make you at fault. That's not a good sign. There's absolutely no reason why he, a person in a monogamous relationship, would be in bed with someone else, with his trousers unbuttoned. There's nothing "silly" about your reaction. Walk away now. A guy like this is not worth it. He clearly doesn't even respect you enough to NOT say anything after being caught, because he even so far as to call you a cunt. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that. For every problem that comes up between you two, he's likely the type who'd just turn it around to put all the blame on you.

[Borg69]

[Cuddly]

He's doing this in your home? Imagine what and for how long he has been doing that to reach that level of comfort.
He grew complacent and got caught, he has probably been doing this shit for years! Dump him, cry alot and stick to the plan in may.

[Jerry]

That is what booze and gay bars does to a man. If you want to get rid of him, this is a good excuse to leave him. But if you want to stay with him, GET EVEN.

[ShiftyNJ]

[Lexington]

Well, I'd say you have two choices.

One, you can cut all contact with him. If he lives with you, kick him out. Block his number, block his email, don't let him in if he comes calling. Then make the move back alone.

Or two, hear him out. Expect him to manipulate you into forgiving him...or, if your story is any indication, expect him to manipulate you into feeling YOU're the one who needs to be forgiven. At which point, you can take him back, and he can continue messing around behind your back - or in front of it, if you'd rather.

Lex