Casual Hookup/Body shame issues

[Camfer]

Thanks for the update Wade. Yes I got your humor and got a good laugh at out fellow GSer who didn't. With your date, it seems like you're going to have to take initiative and keep things very direct and literal. Next time you get together you might find it easy to tell him what you want, if you know, and when. You can still joke with him but then you have to immediately follow it with, "I'm joking about that." I have a family member with mild aspberger's, so I have to communicate things differently with that person. It's not that hard, really. Did you guys talk about music? Music is often a common language between people with and without aspberger's.

[Wade]

Thanks for the help, Camfer. I think our second date may go a bit better, if for no other reason than I know a bit more what to expect in terms of communication. We did in fact talk a bit about music. He actually plays piano so we talked about that. It's kind of the one thing that we really connected on. I definitely enjoyed his company and would like to spend more time around him... (now I'm just typing out loud my meandering thoughts on the matter... hmmm).

[Borg69]

Thank you everyone for your advice and input.


To answer your question, [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], I met up with him today for coffee. I've kind of been getting cold feet about the whole hookup thing, and I suspect he has too (or maybe not). So I decided to just ask him to meet up for coffee and take it a bit slower I suppose, see what happens.

It went okay. Being around him felt extremely similar to being around another guy I met and went on one date with before. He had trouble making eye contact, and in conversation really did not acknowledge my existence. And whenever I tried to make a joke (which happens a lot because humor is usually my way in with people, be they friends or whatever) he just didn't get it. He took me very literally. It was kind of exhausting to be honest. Then he told me he has Aspergers and it all kind of made sense.

It's hard to tell if he's interested. I do find him quite attractive tbh (and he smells very nice, which is... nice). Before we met he asked me what I was looking for and I said something physical, and his exact response was "okay."

So... yeah. That's where it's at. I'm interested in seeing him again if he feels the same. We'll see.

It sounds to me like he is just as, if not more so scared, nervous, and insecure as you are. You're both sitting there judging yourselves much harder than you're judging each other, self sabotaging yourselves trying to second guess what each other is thinking.

[Camfer]

I see Wade and this guy sitting on a piano bench, playing a duet.

[Wade]

It sounds to me like he is just as, if not more so scared, nervous, and insecure as you are. You're both sitting there judging yourselves much harder than you're judging each other, self sabotaging yourselves trying to second guess what each other is thinking.

I'm sorry, all I read was "you're perfect for each other."

[MikeW]

I'm sorry, all I read was "you're perfect for each other."

Actually, this... although perhaps not as ironically as your quip suggests. I just think it is so cute when two shy young men are getting to know one another. SO awkward. But it all sounds good to me... sometimes it takes baby steps.

[Wade]

Okay... so... STORY TIME!!!!


Some of this might be a tiny bit graphic so... whatever.


I just got home from seeing this guy again. I texted him and asked if he wanted to hang out, he said yes. We haven't been very flirtatious, but I decided to be bold and asked if I could come over to his dorm room. He said yes. I assumed that he was alone, since he said yes, but once I got there his roommate was sitting at a desk with headphones on looking at a computer. Never looked up. And it's just a small room with two beds. Bummer, I thought. So it was very awkward for a while. There was no room for me to sit or anything.

Trying to create small talk I said "Oh, you got a Rubik's Cube. That's cool." "Yeah" he says, all awkward like. So then he proceeds to solve it while I stare in silence. (Remember he has Asperger's so his social skills and awareness isn't very finely tuned) Things were turning out to be a bust.

Then I gots an idea! I says "Hey, you know in the music building they have practice rooms with grand pianos. I can show you one, and play some things for you if you want." He agrees!

We go to the practice room and sit side by side. I play some stuff half heartedly. So does he. Then there's long bits of silence and both of us just kind of not saying anything. Then he says he has some vids on youtube of him playing in Piano recitals when he was younger. We watch him play the Theme from Titanic. That's when I decide to put my arm around his chair. Not really touching him much... just kind of there. Then.... THEN!!!! He puts his hand on my knee.

FUCKING WIN!!!! I know he was waiting for me to make a move, and it took me way longer than it probably should have, but it happened eventually. When he put his hand on my knee... I'm telling you, it's like 15 years of accumulated body shame and self disgust began to dissipate. Someone for the first time in my life was acknowledging me as a sexual being. Someone wanted to touch me.

Things began to progress a bit and we basically spent a good thirty minutes making out and groping each other. I told him I couldn't let it go further than that because there's a very slim chance that someone could knock on the door and want to see what's going on. (I suppose I could get kicked out of school for that, but I really wasn't thinking. To be honest, that aspect made the whole thing kind of exciting. But I probably won't do that again, cause it's also very scary)

He also put his hand under my shirt, and felt around the bits that I'm most embarrassed about. I haven't taken off my shirt in from of anyone since the last time I was forced to change in the locker room after P.E. in High School. When he did that I started to stammer and say something like, "Uhm... yeah, I'm trying to lose weight." To which he replied "Why do you think you have to lose weight?" It's the best thing anyone's ever said to me.

I started to do some rubbing of my own in his Southland, which was at full attention, and he seemed to redirect me. I started to try again, but didn't want to do it if he was uncomfortable with it, so I asked "is this okay to touch you here?" To which he said "yeah" in a way that sounded like "yeah, dumbass, of course" So I did, and it was awesome.

The funniest part is that he seems to ramble continuously when he's nervous. Just about the most random things. And other than the above dialogue, we never actually spoke about what was happening. He just kept talking about random shit. Like I'd be kissing his neck and rubbing his chest and he's just going "I have a regular rice cooker, but I'd really like a pressure rice cooker. I know a few words in Hungarian. Like apple, and chair." To which I just kept saying "Mmm hmm." It seemed to work for both of us.

There's really not any emotional connection between us. Which is okay, I guess. We established from the beginning that we were looking for something physical, so, I guess that's what this is. But it was great. I asked him when he had to go "For the love of God when is your roommate gone?" So, we'll see what happens.

Sorry if this got a little erotic fictiony sounding, I hope that's okay. My head is just still reeling a bit. Thanks for reading.


TL;DR:

Met with the dude again, fooled around a bit. It was very nice.

[Camfer]

Yay! This is awesome!

[Wade]

I see Wade and this guy sitting on a piano bench, playing a duet.

HOLY SHIT!!! This actually kind of happened! You're a wizard, Camfer.

[Camfer]

HOLY SHIT!!! This actually kind of happened! You're a wizard, Camfer.

Aww thanks. That was an easy one.

Be sure to tell your date that you know a wizard who tried a pressure rice cooker, only to try several models and find they all spit up all over the place when cooking and are much more difficult to clean.

Did you get an answer on when his roomie is gone?