Casual Hookup/Body shame issues

[Wade]

Aww thanks. That was an easy one.

Be sure to tell your date that you know a wizard who tried a pressure rice cooker, only to try several models and find they all spit up all over the place when cooking and are much more difficult to clean.

Did you get an answer on when his roomie is gone?

Lol. I'll be sure to do that. I actually think he'd honestly appreciate that.

I did get an answer. But they're all times that I'm busy, until like two weeks from now.

[Cuddly]

That was a nice uplifting read. Thanks for sharing.

[MikeW]

Go [MENTION=18396]Wade[/MENTION], YAY!

And, umm, remind me why you can't invite him over to your place?

[Wade]

Go [MENTION=18396]Wade[/MENTION], YAY!

And, umm, remind me why you can't invite him over to your place?

I couldn't invite him to my place at the time because I live about an hour away from campus and we were short on time. I could invite him over another time, it's just a tad inconvenient.

[Wade]

I should probably wait til morning to write this, cause there's a good chance I'm going to regret saying certain things. But maybe that's all the more reason to post it now.

Since I've been treating GS like a repository for all things that I should keep to myself, I see no reason to change pattern. So here it goes.


I invited the guy to my place tonight. He came (twice). We ended up having quite a bit of sex. But I don't feel very good about a lot of it.

He really did come twice, which is great. I didn't come at all. It's not his fault. I don't know what was really wrong with me. To be way too honest, I had a difficult time keeping it up for much of it. This is a problem that I never have when I'm alone. And in general I just wasn't into it all that much, though I tried not to show it. The guy doesn't like to kiss, wouldn't really touch me where I really wanted him to (ma dick) and whenever I tried to talk to him about what he wanted me to do or what he liked he wouldn't answer. He'd just say "that's fine" like he's uninterested.

I blew him a little bit, then he stopped me. I tried to bottom for him but that turned out largely unsuccessful, I think just because we were both rookies at our respective roles.

All in all I feel tremendously underwhelmed. I'm not all that keen on see him again, but in his own way I think he may have enjoyed himself more than I enjoyed myself.

The biggest thing on my mind though is this: When we were done I asked if he had been with any other guys before and he said yes. I felt surprised a bit because I for some reason I really expected him to be a virgin. He then takes this moment to say "I really should have myself tested."

Now... we used a condom for the anal stuff, but nothing else. He came on my chest once and I put some of his semen in my mouth. (watching too much porn I guess, because as soon as I did it I thought "why the fuck did I do that?")

I'm really worried now. And I feel like a fucking idiot. I should've had that conversation first. Now I'm afraid of dying. I already have a compromised immune system due to a genetic disorder.

I don't feel good about any of this right now. I would love anyone's insight on any of this.

[Wade]

Alright, I think I've answered my own dilemma. (Yay me, I'm growing!)

I think the disappointment I feel is because I don't really know the guy. I thought I wanted a hook up because I just wanted sex. But I didn't. I wanted intimacy, and that was wholly absent. Once the novelty of seeing an attractive naked man in my arms wear off (which was fantastic, don't get me wrong) what was left was this soulless, passionless exercise. I felt quite alone the whole time.

I have yet to solve the potential STD thing though... so there's still that.

[Rareboy]

Relax on the STD thing. Get tested.

You aren't dying. Sex can be juicy and messy without it being a death sentence.

It sounds as though both of you are still so bundled up and unable to completely let go and enjoy the moment.

Fuck lots. Fuck often. Out there is a guy that you will click with and share real intimacy as well as jizz.

[strider65]

I hit the big 50 this past March, and am actually rather proud that I've made it this long. Many of my old friends are no longer with us... for various reasons. If I've lasted this long, with all my baggage, I've come through a lot and like to think I've learned a thing or two. I was a bit arrogant in my 20s... as many are... and I will almost guarantee that life and experience will beat that arrogance out of you.

HIV is manageable now for many, but I was in my heyday back in the 80s when it was practically a death sentence. Somehow I walked through the minefiend and didn't wind up dead. It seems sometimes that a lot of younger guys don't practice safe sex anymore and I think it's because they never experienced those days.

I tend to be attracted to guys close to my own age... I guess we have more in common. If you can get older and not become bitter from the shit that life throws at you, that in and of itself is an accomplishment.

I've done the party thing, going to the bars, waking up next to a guy I'll probably never see again... and eventually realized that it made me feel empty. I would much rather get to know a guy, have some good conversation, know what his favorite color is and see how he decorates his apt... do some laughing and discover his sense of humor... rather than hopping into bed on the first date. My best friend I've known since high school, I've seen him go through good times and bad times, as he has seen me.

Age can bring wisdom, or bitterness. I like to think I've learned a thing or two. I don't hit on someone young enough to be my son, I remember when I was younger I always thought it was sort of pathetic. But that's just me. Depth of character and kindness are way more important to me than looks. It may be a cliche but beauty is really on the inside... a hot 20 year old who is hot and knows it a little too much is actually a huge turnoff to me. Life will bring him to older age one day... time waits for no one, and the first time someone dismisses him for his age years from now, he may experience what a shallow outlook that is and what that other man may be missing out on.

[Wade]

Thank you. After getting some sleep I do feel better about the whole thing. There were a lot of great things about it.

Out there is a guy that you will click with and share real intimacy as well as jizz.

...and why isn't that a lyric in a Top 40 Hit???

[MikeW]

Well, I'm going to say *congratulations!!!* .... even if it didn't meet your own needs or expectations. At least you put yourself out there and actually had someone in your arms.

One thing I'm noticing is it seems a lot of gay young men are having a hard time allowing themselves to feel SEXUAL (truly turned on and into it) with someone IRL. I'm guessing this has something to do with watching and JOing to so much porn. We get USED to having sexual fantasies over which we have total control, including exactly how we're touched -- AND all this is private. IRL sex is NOT like our fantasies and it is no longer private. So there's a bit of a "learning curve" to letting ourselves HAVE our erotic energy, expressing it with and sharing it with someone else -- someone who isn't a fantasy.

In general I agree with [MENTION=21495]Rareboy[/MENTION] about this. Moreover, if you like this guy at all there's no reason you can't see him again, set him down and say, "look... if we want to continue, this is what I need to have happen..." and see how he is with that. If he isn't able or willing to be communicative you can let him know that doesn't work for you.

I just don't understand why people don't just SAY what is going on inside them.