Dealing with a vindictive drama queen

[kindy64]

Hey, thanks everyone for the genuine advice. Yes, it's messy, tangled, and dramatic. A lot more interesting than my married life ever was. I know all of the things people are telling me are true, my therapist would agree with much of the advice here. We are exploring a lot of the issues brought up in this thread. My therapist always just warns me to be careful.

Both my therapist and psychiatrist have helped me identify my overwhelming need to help/save people. H is the first one I've not just completely fallen head over heels for (which is progress.) Right now I'm feeling pretty detached from him, as he's not put any effort into being with me.

I hate putting any more drama on H, in the last month and a half, he's had to deal with so much already. According to him, he's been sexually assaulted, raped, beaten, robbed a couple of times, had to live out of his car for a week or so, as well as all the stuff in my first post.

With H, either he needs to shape up or ship out. My initial offer to him was just to have a safe spot to chill and relax while he got his life back in order. He's not done anything to really do that. I can't afford to have him leech off me indefinitely.

How to put this nicely to him is going to be a stumbling block, as well as my general avoidance of confrontation. I've got my son this weekend, so I'm going to give things till next weekend to sort themselves out.

[Lexington]

As far as the relationship goes, I'm not sure where it's going. So far, he's not meeting expectations as far as doing things around the house, him getting his life in order, or getting involved with me. Plus, everything with him is "me, me, me" right now. I know he's going through some real hard shit right now, but I've got needs to. I'm not going to let this go on for to much longer unless all that changes.

Well, there was a reason I didn't exempt H in the "I'd throw them all to the curb" bit in my first post. H might not have stolen your car or engaged in near-harassment, but when somebody who is friends with such people has "nowhere else to go"...there's usually something of a reason for that.

Lex

[kindy64]

Well, he has totally lost me now. I asked him through text this morning to, put my sons mattress back on his loft, clean up after himself, start his laundry cause it smells, and to start looking for a job. He gets all bent out of shape about that... in the course of which he says he thinks about killing himself often.

That's the last straw for me, I can't have someone who is thinking that around my son. PERIOD. Not something I need to risk.

So, I've made the decision...

Now the mechanics of it. Going to be a freaking cluster f@ck...

[kindy64]

Well, there was a reason I didn't exempt H in the "I'd throw them all to the curb" bit in my first post. H might not have stolen your car or engaged in near-harassment, but when somebody who is friends with such people has "nowhere else to go"...there's usually something of a reason for that.

Lex

Well, it was difficult, but I did it. H is now back in his home town, and all his stuff with him.

He is currently crashing with one of his "sisters" (female friends he's real close to.) So, I guess I was right when I told him he'd find support.

It really all came down to him saying he thinks about killing himself. That and everything else, I told him I can't have him here in that state of mind, where I don't know what or when something is going to set him off.

We are staying friendly, because he really is an interesting person, and he can use a friend who doesn't want or need anything from him.

Thanks everyone for the bitch slapping...

[Anocxu]

Is he complaining...
Or bragging?