Are you into men much older than you, or much younger than you?

[amelia]

I’m one of the guy who fancy of men much older than me, and he could even be my dad! Perhaps, it’s because I don’t get enough love from my dad. So, I want to have more attention and affection from older men. Are you just like me? Or else, are you fancy of men much younger than you? If the answer is YES, please leave a short comment here. This is to gain more understanding on how many of us are into cross generation dad-son relationship.

[Cuddly]

Yes. Sexual orientation and kinks/fetishes are impossible to map. Maybe I like daddybears because my dad was absent and my parents got divorced, or maybe it's because my favourite cartoon was gummybears. Either way, if you look into it you'll find examples that both verify and dismiss the hypothesis.
It's so open-ended that any realistic scenario can fit the description and explain everything. Like horoscopes.

[East]

NO. I need shared life experiences as part of the equation so 10 years +/- for me....

If I could biologically be your father...we are never having sex.....period. That is not a judgment for anyone else though....as long as consenting adults are involved...I couldn't care less what they do....their lives..their choices....

As for the daddy thing...I had a father...didn't like him very much...wouldn't want to have sex with him or anyone like him.

[Edward]

No, I'm not into sex between different generations. I'm into men more or less my age. From what I've observed, relationships rarely work out well if the age gap is too big.

[meridannight]

i like men more or less my age, or older. although recently i found a guy 7 years younger than me with whom i matched very well. that was a surprise because i usually don't go for guys that young.

i think i have the best compatibility with guys +/- 5 years from me, because we grew up in more or less the same environment and consequently we tend to 'get' things similarly. and i like that.

but i have also matched very well with men +10 to 20 years from me. i think men in that age range are attractive, physically and personality-wise. of course, it depends on the individual, but in general that tends to be the case (in contrast with guys who are 10 years in the other direction).

however, there certainly is no 'daddy' component there. i want a man my equal, whether he's older or younger than me. i don't feel like a child, nor could i feel like that with anybody. you'd need to feel like a child if you wanted that type of dynamic, i think. that would be a turn-off for me either way. i can be 20 years younger from him but i'll feel his equal, and i'll treat him as my equal. that's the only way it'll ever work for me.

[MikeW]

I...Or else, are you fancy of men much younger than you? If the answer is YES, please leave a short comment here. ...

I'm attracted to younger men. At my age, that can cover a lot of territory. What I see is that my "age preference" so far as physical attraction hasn't "grown up" along with me. But, then again, it isn't "set in stone" either.

For example, my first LT gay partner was three years older than me. However, he had a lot of "younger" traits, including physical appearance. Intellectually and emotionally we were fairly well paired and we were together for seven years before he died of a brain tumor. My second partner was 10 years younger but by that time I was near 50, making him near 40. He was fully an adult, even had been married at one time and fathered three children. He was HIV+ and died of HIV related heart failure at age 53 in 2010. (We'd already be separated almost a decade.)

Since then I haven't either been sexually active or particularly interested in finding and building a new relationship. Partly this is because physically I'm attracted to MUCH younger guys... I mean 20-somethings. Occasionally I see men in their 30s and 40s I also find attractive but much older than that (that is, what most would consider "age appropriate" for me) not so much.

Of course, what I mean by "attractive" is purely superficial, physical. How I might feel about someone I actually knew as a person is far more complicated. And it is more complicated than just "wanting to have sex with" someone, too.

Since I live in Berkeley, I'm surrounded by college students. I see tons of them in the gym on campus. Although I may find them "attractive," some of that is just fascination and admiration of their youthfulness. IOW, it doesn't necessarily translate into actually "desiring" them sexually. IF (huge "if") one of them were to show interest *in me* sexually I might be willing to explore that with them. Absent that coming from them, however, nothing much is going to happen from my end. I'd much rather just get to know them a little bit. I do talk to a few (very few) of them and it is clear to me that the generational difference is so huge, I could never be a "peer friend". We're just too far apart in so many ways. I *could* (conceivably) be an inter-generational friend... That is, if they can accept my "shaped by growing up in the 60s and 70s quirkiness," I'm willing to give them a huge pass for growing up in the 1990s (and our basically having very little culturally in common).

Bottom line for me: My sexual attractions are no longer something I feel like "pursing". If one shows up out of the blue, great; otherwise, forget it. I don't like the "daddy/son" dynamic; in my case it would be more like "granddad/grandson" anyway -- which is a very different dynamic to my mind. Father/son relationships are often tricky (father "knowing best" and all that). OTOH, granddad's aren't responsible for their grandson's, see them as being independent of their influence... may even encourage that independence... and they probably regard one another more as mutual "curiosities" (learning from one another) than something like a "dominant/submissive" relationship. (If that makes any sense, LOL!)

[Chase]

I avoid people, young and old, equally.

[JohnSomebody]

As I may have mentioned in an earlier post that my first bf was 18 years older than myself. Initially, I was not aware of this age difference because he did not look his age at all. Out of all four bfs that I've had in my life thus far...three of them were older than myself and I have to say that each one brought something in regard to knowledge/wisdom that I can carry with me throughout my life. Many times too...older gentlemen do not have time for B.S. and they are experienced in so many sexually as well. In fact, recently, a younger guy that I was talking to at an event told me that I have an older gentleman way of thinking when I talk about things and some other younger guys have claimed me to be someone with an older wise man's soul. I tend to believe that this character was developed due to my being involved with older men which is something that I truly embrace. Therefore, depending upon your situation and chemistry ...you can be attracted to an older individual.

[Cobalt]

I'm not sure why I feel compelled to put a mini life story here but it's relevant so I'll just do it.

I knew I was gay since I was really, really young, I just didn't have the word for the way I felt. I used to admire and adore older men when I was about five or six years old. "Older" at that time was guys who were in their 40s and older. I would have crushes on tee-ball coaches, friends father's, etc. I would fantasize about cuddling with them, hugging them, spending time with them, etc. I was too young to ever consider anything sexual with them but I knew I really, really wanted to be around them.

I first saw a naked man when I was about 7 or so in a dressing room at a water park. It was a big hall and guys were changing into and out of bathing suits. One guy was standing around fully nude and I remember honing in on his package. He was probably around 40 years old or so and I was in awe. I was with my brother and father so I couldn't exactly stop and stare so I snuck a peek and enjoyed the brief view I had.

Fast forward some years (going from thinking I was straight, to bi, to gay, realizing I was only into older men) and I was about 16 in high school. I had a massive, massive crush on my teacher who was 52/53 at the time. I was fantasize about him in class all the time and nights when I jerked off I would think about having sex with him. He was married with kids which made me feel guilty about lusting over him so bad but I was infatuated with him. I eventually graduated and never saw him again.

My relationship now is with a man who is 59, we've been together for two years now and have a wonderful relationship. I did the math one time and realized the teacher I had such a huge crush on would be the exact age of my partner now.

I have a relationship with my Dad, he loves me and I know it. We had problems growing up but do I believe my attraction is because of those problems? Not exactly. I had these feelings about older men long before I had any issue with my Dad. If I wasn't with my partner now, history and my personal experience show me I would be with someone near the same age. I debated for most of my life if me feelings were okay and if I should pursue it. I went in and out of depression over this countless times trying to change myself. The conclusion I reached is pretty simple: I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me or the relationship I seek. I am happy, happier than I literally have ever been in my life. My partner is happy and has dated various age groups, I have been the best partner he has had (seriously not saying this to toot my own horn, he has told me in detail about his past relationships and how each one of them ended up being a user, a liar, or a cheat). We have an age gap for sure but we are happy. Our love is unconditional, we are always giving to each other and selfless. If anyone in the world has a problem with our relationship (once they get past the fact we're two men) simply because of our age gap, the way I feel about it is: go to hell. Nobody has a position to judge others. If everyone is consenting, everyone is happy, and not a single person is getting hurt or made to feel bad, then people should mind their business.

So, back to the topic creator. If the point of this topic is to foster understanding about older/younger relationships then right on, go for it. The sooner the stigma of older/younger goes away, the better. People are people and most of them just want to be happy. People wanting to put in their two cents about other people's happiness have no place anywhere.

[Darius]

I can and do see the appeal of guys older and younger. I just can't see myself in a relationship with someone who was much older or much younger. I find that guys much younger than me like guys my age.