No Intimacy in our relationship.

[kindy64]

One thing to consider is he may have been sexually abused in the past. Something he may not ever want to talk about, so I wouldn't bring it up.

My partner and I, of 7 months, are not sexually active, but we have had plenty of intimacy. Cuddling up and spooning him at night. He's opening up and telling me what his fears are. In the past he has given away sex, and it's ruined his relationships. So, he is of the mindset of cementing our relationship more before going all the way. He was also raped, right around the time I met him, and still has flashbacks about it. So that is another barrier to our sexual activity.

I completely understand where he is coming from, and he understands how sexually frustrated I am. The fact that he is starting to voice what his issues are, is a greater sign of trust and intimacy then if he rolled on his stomach and said go for it.

[Camfer]

...I really love him and i feel now i've experienced every single situation in relationships.

It's great you love him and are working toward addressing your concerns.

I guarantee you will never in your life have experienced every single situation in relationships. The possibilities are infinite.

Guilty Catholic homosex can be so much fun!

[AlfredM]

You have raised a few things there that i'm aware of. I do need a serious talk with him. His mother is a devout Catholic and he was an alter boy so i know there is something in it. His mother made his farther wait FIVE YEARS before sex and he thinks that good. They are still together but i can imagine what their sex life is like - DULL. That's not what i want.

Well, at least he only made you wait for 5 months and the wait is over. But you use the word sex, and some people only refer intercourse as sex, is that what you mean? No other sexual stuff too for 5 months?

He goes to a Catholic Church. Not sure if its gay friendly but i'm not sure he'd go for that. Sexually, there are no roles. I don't mind him topping me at all but hes not used to that role i think, in terms of moves!!!!! He seems to enjoys sex but now i just don't know. I'm doubting him and that's not a good sign when i do that.

He's basically a virgin (anal at least), he might still be uncomfortable and feeling a little bit coerced into it. I didn't use to like anal when I was with my ex, sometimes it frustrated him, and I had to compromise. But that didn't make me happy as I'm not sure what he compromised. And I'm not used to being a top either (still am not,lol), but he wasn't really gonna let me top him even if he reluctantly said he will let me once or twice, which didn't help. Since you're more experienced sexually, why don't you guide him a bit? Give him some pointers, something like that.

He tells him mum everything but she does not know hes not a virgin anymore. Basically i think he tries to be perfect in her eyes and that's not my style. My mother in not comfortable with me being gay, but I can talk to here about anything and i love that.

I think it's great that you can talk anything with your mom, but with religious parents, some topics might be a little bit out of the usual boundary. Heck,I think even with other parents, kids usually don't want to talk about their sex life with them. It's awkward!

[AlfredM]

I think maybe he does not enjoy sex but when i'm inside him he looks like hes enjoying it.

This crossed my mind, and I can't edit it inside my post above, so here it goes.

Did you ask him if he enjoys it? You can't make assumption here, sometimes moaning can be mistaken as a scream [emoji28]

[Pcolakuntryboy]

This crossed my mind, and I can't edit it inside my post above, so here it goes.

Did you ask him if he enjoys it? You can't make assumption here, sometimes moaning can be mistaken as a scream [emoji28]

True, he could just be pretending to enjoy it because he doesn't want to disappoint his partner. He needs to ask him if he REALLY enjoys it.

[Anocxu]

My opinion. .
The issue here is.. Two entirely different concepts of a relationship.

Your boyfriend thinks having you in his life .. having your love , loyalty and attention is enough... its kinda what he grew up seeing with his parents.
He's just not wired to be as sexual as you are.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with him.

[azulai]

Thank you for replying back, I appreciate when an OP does.

You do sound like a wonderful bf, and based on the additional information you added, I have to agree with MikeW — about sexually compatibility.

You have to have an honest conversation with your guy. Your needs aren't being met. And they are as important as his, and he needs to learn and grow up. I understand you love him, but I get from the layers of your words that in your heart you have doubts if he's worth the effort? Or, are you sensing that he might not really be able to change? He has to want to cut the cord, and grow into a man in a relationship. Is he going to be able to evolve to put YOU before momma and god? You have to determine your limits as he discovers his sexual self, his sexual freedom. If it's a low sex drive or inhibitions due to religious beliefs, then there is only so much he can and will change.

When I was starting to navigate the waters of my relationship, I took to heart some advice from a very dear friend from GS, East. I pass it on to you: be careful about making promises. You only make one promise, and that is the promise of honesty. The other thing is you have got to have sex before you get too far ahead of yourself whether you want to call it dating or making any kind of future with another person. I can't do justice to his words or give the depth of his wisdom, but hopefully you grasp the lesson that has been invaluable to me.

I think you are discovering what you want and need in a relationship. I think by looking for a relationship but removing sex, something very important to your being/your nature/your intrinsic self -- you loss an important element in your decision making process.

One thing that really strikes me as weird is your insistence to have sex on his birthday. I guess I don't get it, why can't you celebrate privately when he is 30 and 1 day old? Not sure if I'm missing something. :biggrin:

IDK, just my thoughts. Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. I hope things are going better for you both.