How do you feel about cheating WITH someone?

[Gemini]

Last night, I went out to a club with my friends. We all love to dance. So this guy started dancing with me. He was pretty hot, and seemed nice and funny. We danced and flirted and kissed a little. When the club closed at 2am, we went to an all night diner for coffee and to talk some more. He asked if I was going to invite him back to my place and I told him it was awkward because I have roommates. But I said I was in the process of moving into my own place (I'm picking up the keys today!) He didn't mention his place, so I asked if he had roommates too. Then came the story.

He has a long term BF and they live together. NOT an open relationship, I asked. But the relationship is going badly and they hardly talk and don't have sex anymore and he's trying to break it off - but his BF is clingy, needy and dependent. He's trying to let him down easy. BlahBlahBlah. I was hearing it as the old, "My wife doesn't understand me" routine.

So I told him to call me when the relationship is actually over. I said I'd love to go out with him then. He didn't like that at all. Don't think I'll hear from him again lol.

But here's the thing - I make it a rule never to go out with, sleep with, etc. a guy who I know is involved with someone else. No matter what kind of line he feeds me. First of all, I don't need the drama. But also, I can't help putting myself in the BF's place and thinking how I'd feel if someone cheated on me.

My friends say I'm naive, everyone fools around. He's the one who'd be cheating, not me. I should just relax and have fun.

I'm not buying it --- but I'd really like to know how others feel about this.

[InbetweenDreams]

I feel the same way. I do my best not to get involved with someone who has a wife, bf, or whatever it may be. I don't feel that everyone fools around, I know it happens and it happens a lot but doesn't mean I have to be ok with it or that you have to be ok with and do it as well.

[East]

When I was single..I was a slut...meaning..I like guys ALOT...and I wanted to have sex with as many as I could....and I did.

I had rules though..alot of them....

...and if a guy was with another guy in any capacity..we are NOT having sex. I sent a few home when they told me...it is a huge turn off to me....

I am a very loyal guy so it offends me that they would even think of having sex with me when they already are committed to another guy....I put myself in the other guys's shoes...

My other rules...no virgins..no compliments on my looks unless you already know me and like who I am.....no strings...gotta know the difference between love and lust....honest guys move to the front of the line please....

The thing is..when you work in a gay bar..you get to see men...lots of men..every night...so I had probably alot more opportunity to go out with guys...

The other thing that I did would make alot of guys mad but it was the perfect repellent to avoid bullshit guys....

I would say NO DATE UNTIL WE FUCK...because I don't know if I like you enough to go on a date with you until we fuck...and after you have seen a guy cum and naked and sweaty and hot..it is a much nicer date because you avoid the awkwardness and lies and bullshit ...and I hate pretend or staged romance.... I never lead a guy on and I like things to be what they are....I also hate having to accommodate other people's expectations because I can't breathe when that happens......

I had alot of critics...but I have had a pretty successful sex life and a pretty successful 30 year relationship so I think I played my cards right....

[Gemini]

[MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION]. Everything you said is good, practical advice. Yeah, I like sex too - but I also like to keep things simple.

And to the "no virgins" rule I would add, No curious straight guys who want to use me to experiment with in secret. Along the lines of No Drama and Keeping It Simple --- give me a guy who knows what he wants (and knows how to do it lol.) -

[Emiliano]

I'm with you guys, I wouldn't knowingly sleep with a guy who was in a relationship. Thats grimey and not what I'm about.

[Shawn]

Well, I can't add really anything new, you guys said all I was going to lol

The only thing that really matters in life is doing what please yourself. Some people made mistakes and sometimes wants others to do the same as them just to not feel... or I mean feel less guilty with their own behavior by using the excuse of "everybody does it".

Why? anecdote: although I'm the same as you, I have a friend who is literally the contrary of me, she sleep with every taken dude, with girlfriend, married, kids, no matter, and in fact she doesn't really find interest in single men. But we're friends because, you know we respect each other in our differences, we go out, we party, drink etc. but in these topics we know how we think about this situation so we really don't talk about this when the opportunity comes and just skip it. And that's what real friends do, they actually knows they're not exactly the same, but respects each other about their point of view... Fake friends usually always criticize you for not being the same as them.

I know this maybe not be your case but that was just one example of the many things can happens when someone says something like you said particularly here: "My friends say I'm naive, everyone fools around. He's the one who'd be cheating, not me. I should just relax and have fun."

... and that's what the only thing I can add lol.

[Gemini]

Thanks [MENTION=23908]Shawn[/MENTION]. What you said, about friends respecting each others lifestyle and beliefs hit home. I'm feeling like the people who told me I'm being naive are maybe not real, close friends. Or else they'd respect how I feel and not try to make me act like them.

You've given me some things to think about.

[Ibex]

Seems like a nice evening, except for the bad part of it.
Though going to a club alone is very sad (myself)

I wouldn't get involved with someone who already has a bf, gf, wife or whatever.
I'd feel so bad if I did.
I've had some offers from married guys, and I always say "No, you're married".

[Dan1980]

I have been cheated on twice and it hurt a lot.

[Ammon]

I get so disgusted, before I got in this relationship I dated a guy for two months, back then I was a gayvirgin and oh so very innocent, but when another guy was more innocent then me, I'd knew something was not right... eventually he tells me that he is still married but in divorce.. -_-