why this confusion?

[mihiko]

Hi everyone, I'm new here...

well the reason why I'm here, it's because i need help...

I been desperate, because i have this confusion since a month.
Well, i realized about my sexual orientation when i was 13, but in this month... something has been happening, because I don't know why I'v been feeling attraction for boys... I'm lesbian... but... I don't know why this is happening to me...

First I thought it was for my family pressure, because in two weeks i will study in other country, and only my brother knows about my sexuality, but my parents doesn't know anything... and I don't know how to tell them (... yes, that's other problem... but, in this moment is not the biggest...), but then I figured out that it wasn't like that... Because even If I have my family pressure, I don't think is for that...

However, other thing I thought it was, because I'v been single since a long time, and... I can't find anyone... (...oh yeah, that's other problem, 'cause I have a problem with the "love"... but...), and I thought it was because I felt alone and I started looking for someone... but... I'm not sure...

I don't know why this is happening, is kinda scary, 'cause I never felt like this before...

Even that, I considered that I' bi... however I don't know why this is happening...

I think this will be "good" for my mom and dad...

Sorry for my misbehavior and not introduce myself in a good way...

[Mark]

This is a first for me responding to someone that came out the closet and realised it might not be as simple.. This is why I tend to tell people not to make a big statement as I dont think we can ever be sure... (Sorry if that seems like a lecture). But I guess what im trying to say...

Personally I don't think we ever know for sure what we are, and that alone is a terrifying thought. The approach I feel applies to a lot of people is you may prefer one sex over the other.. but there could be that one guy or girl that comes along and you fall for... and its just them? No other person of the same gender..

Maybe as you were a lesbian so young you are now having the experimental curious stage? I was the other way around only came out as gay at 18.. Dating girls until then.. But maybe it is just you being curious? Try not to spin out over it..

It might be simply natural.. never like over think it and just base it on your feelings and what makes you happy. As that should be the most important thing to you.

[albabonzai]

Some good advice from T.

[marshlander]

First of all, welcome to GaySpeak, mihiko.

I can't say I'm any authority on women ... I've made rather too many mistakes in my life to be able to claim that!

However, Twazzle's point that our preferences and the way we identify ourselves often has a little ebb and flow is important. There is evidence that this fluidity is part of most people's lives. This could be your bi-curious phase.

Maybe it would be best not to make any decisions about who you are going to spend your life with until you feel that things have settled down a bit more. There's no shame in getting it right

Good luck!

[joseph]

if it you not newn if you was lesbine or not yet it is ok becase it can be boyfrind or a girlfrind. then you can get a very nice girlfrind or boyfrind and say you was gay or not. but if you was happy! mile:

[princealbertofb]

If I understand the problem correctly, Mihiko (and to GaySpeak, by the way!) you were sure up to now that you were only a Lesbian and interested in girls. But recently, maybe because you have met someone special, you are thinking that you might be attracted to a boy (or is it boys?)... Maybe it is your biological clock ticking. Maybe your body is telling you that something would be right with a male while your heart and mind are more interested in females? What circumstances brought about that change, do you know??...
Twazzle is, in any case, right about not having to categorise yourself too soon. You can be a Lesbian, or bi, or simply change over to being a straight woman, now that you are growing up, and probably finding that your sexual orientation is changing. What were the reasons of your confusion? Just a feeling inside or has someone caught your eye?

[mihiko]

well actually I already had a boy-experience... and I didn't enjoy it at all... and is something like that... I think... or maybe I thought I was only lesbian...

But I didn't met someone special... I just... I don't like the idea to stay like this, liking boys and girls... and I don't have a problem with people who are bisexual... is just... my personal thoughts (about me, not people), is like a kind of problem in being bi...

That's why I can't understand myself... feeling like that...

I'm little scared, because I have a lot of problems (family, society, friends, etc...) only for my sexuality, and now... If I'm like that... I will have more problems...

I really acept myself being lesbian, but... I don't understand this confusion and I can't understand myself...

It's dificult to me explain why this is a big confusion... First, I don't believe in changing sexual atraction, because I think it like if the person were "weak"... and its because i'm someone who always know what i want, (its my personal way of think...) and that's other reason why I can't understand this confusion...

When I was more young, i realized that i'm lesbian, but, i thought it was normal to feel attraction for boys, because sometimes we like the person for who is and not for the gener... but... now... is not like that... is sexual attraction... but i feel sexual attraction for girls too...

In my last post i didin't explain something... well, when I said I thought it was for family pressure, it was because, when i go out with my dad and brother, they talk about girls, and if I say something they will think i'm weird or something like that... and when they talk about boys, they include me in the chat but... I only smile or say a "yes"... and I feel in a cage...
And now I think i'm feeling this confusion because i don't want to have problems with my parents...

Ah, and thanks for the advices everyone...