I think my 13-year-old step-son may be gay.

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and welcome.

There is not much more that I can add here,that has not been said.
First let me say , I am very happy that you are there for your child , but please let him come to terms with his sexuality by himself ,without pressure.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son , he is perfect the way he is.
There is nothing that needs to be changed ,the child does not need to be manned up, or be taught how to kill his food.

As for your husband , he is the one that needs the help , I believe he feels that his masculinity is somehow being threatened by his child's behavior and sexuality.

Wishing you all the best., we are all here for you, so keep us updated.

[avidcyclistMTB]

It is unfortunate that your husband is not supportive but extremely fortunate that he has YOU and that you went looking for advice! Big time kudos to you.

I think that just reassuring him that you support him in who he is and what he wants to do might win his confidence over. Having that confidence will be invaluable in the future. I don;t think there is a need to press the issue now rather, let things become what they will in time. If you are there to support him when he really needs it, you will have done right by him.

As for his dad, who knows what the motivations are. I think this might be where the work could be focused. Good luck and welcome to GS.

[James]

Hello and welcome to gs, Many young people growing up display feminine characteristic's, means nothing. Some go through a stage exploring which sex they like, also means nothing. IF the young man turns out to be gay by coming out to you as such, look up Pflag in your area for support and guidance(Parants and frinds of lisbians and gays). these people have already been through it and can help you understand and give you avenues for support, but the number one thing is to love him unconditionally whether straight or gay, James

[Lifesvr80]

looking at it on another angle; a gay man or lady should take offense to your thinking along the lies "because he or she acts very feminine he or she most likely is gay" Gay is a sexual preference only No we are not suck in the 90's

Whoa! Didn't mean to offend anyone! I sought this audience for advice because I am trying to become more familiar with the GLBT people that are so misunderstood. So please excuse me if I seem to be stereo-typing. This is another reason that I joined this site, so that I may become educated on this subject. I have openly gay friends who take pride in the fact that they can "booty-shake" better than I can. On the contrast, I have lesbian friends that wear boxer briefs. Again, I'm sorry for being offensive!

[ChadCoxRox]

I'm new to GS but want to say welcome to Lifesrv80. I love that you are reaching out for support. This tells me your son is going to be fine despite any hurdles. I saw someone mention something about your husband getting help. Maybe he could get online at GS and express his thoughts and feelings. Since it is anonymous it might help open up some opportunities for understanding and relieve some concern. The only real advice I could add is that I believe it is important to encourage your son to be safely and socially engaged outside the primary family unit. Withdrawal may be a normal development with this situation but isolation can be very painful without any level of awareness. Best wishes and hope you'll stay in touch!!!!

[gilhooly]

All boys need two things. Unconditional love and support from the people they feel closest to. All boys must be made to understand that they must obey certain rules. They must do chores, homework, get good grades, read books for fun and get some friends to hang out with. A boy of 13 who may be gay should be allowed to have other boys come for a sleepover. My parents allowed me to have nude sleepovers with boys. It felt great and I had told my parents that I was sexually attracted to boys. Both my parents said that when I was old, the only people I would remember were the people who loved me. My parents loved me since they gave me no doubt that my attraction to boys was alright. I loved my first boyfriend so much at the age of 10. We had supportive friends who kept lookout when we were making out. Jimmy and I were always putting our hands down each other pants to play with our erections. The sensations were so nice I really enjoyed being a guy. Since I was always encouraged to love men and feel close to them, everyone feels I am very manly and could not possibly be gay.

I think being effeminate can be harmful to boys because it creates a barrier. I would encourage a son of mine to try to hang out with some athletes and invite them to stay over. All boys like sex even with other boys. An effeminate boy may want to become manly if his sex life feels complete. I would encourage my son to try fellatio on a boy he liked. If things go well, he will really like being a boy and want to become a man. I grew up wanting to join the marine corps and had an excellent reputation as a marine with a fine set of balls. Everyone admired me as a pretty good athlete, student and nice guy. I always did and still love guys. Guys can have such dangerous sex with other guys that straights never aspire to.

Your husband will make your son more strange by pushing his son in ways his son doesn't want to go. Most gay men seem like men not as ladies in waiting. Encourage your boys sexuality and celebrate whatever interests him. You can't go wrong. He will feel accepted and do good things with his life. Force him to change will simply force him to leave and reject his father. Father and son will both lose. At 66, I loved my mom, my dad, the guys I loved, and some terrific supportive women who were friends. I like being a member of the human race whether I was gay or straight. For me, I was gay, as good a choice as any other I might have made. I believe it is normal for a guy to choose to have a male lover as an act of free will. It feels great for 2 men to be in love.

[fenris]

Maybe a other experience I made here in germany is not unimportant for your man, too. Others might have made other experiences ... but I made this: Mistakes in the Education a mother / stepmother made will be forgiven by a gay male.... but mistakes a father stepfather made... will never forgiven by a gay male....
If a gay male notes that his father is ashamed only for what his kid is .. like being gay or not "manly" enough... it make severe emotional damage to a son.
We have here many younger gay / bisexual guys who told about their own experiences with their parents ... maybe your man should read this storys.
For your man is NOW the time to change his mind ... later it will be to late if he wants a good relationship with his son.
Start - like someone wrote before - talking about gay-themed without directly meaning your son.... I think you man can talk about fears he has with this Theme... but NEVER let fall words like shame.....
Maybe you know the Story of Bobby Griffith... In this Story Movie Mary Grifith...the mother... told after the suicide of here son : “Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember. A child is listening.” and that is very important.
Gay kids learn from the beginning to hide their feelings.... you will never see in their faces that one sentence someone said hurt him very much.....
Important is that the suicide rate of the gay - youth is 4x higher as the suicide rate of straight - youth.
So ..... I always say to heterosexual parents: be very careful with your gay - bisexual kids .... they are OUR kids, OUR next generation !

[dfiant]

Whoa! Didn't mean to offend anyone! I sought this audience for advice because I am trying to become more familiar with the GLBT people that are so misunderstood. So please excuse me if I seem to be stereo-typing. This is another reason that I joined this site, so that I may become educated on this subject. I have openly gay friends who take pride in the fact that they can "booty-shake" better than I can. On the contrast, I have lesbian friends that wear boxer briefs. Again, I'm sorry for being offensive!

I don't think your questions were the slightest bit offensive and I am rather pleased you came here for advice. Your step son is a lucky boy to have such a friend in you. Coming here on his behalf shows that you care. I am happy to help the both of you, as are others, because we were all teenagers at one point

[BobInTampa]

Your profile says you live in Carrolton, not sure which state you're in but if i were you i would IMMEDIATLY google PFLAG (PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and your city name. There are chapters all over the US and they have ALL THE RESOURCES you need to address this issue - and please know, that you're NOT the only parents facing this isssue, and while you're not 100% sure your step-son is gay, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND should get with the PFLAG folks to get educated and some tools/technique to deal with not only your son's potential orientation but also how you, as parents, can deal with it and support him.

There are ten's of thousands (if not more) of parents who have been where you are. DON'T GO IT ALONE!

[matty7]

excellent advice from Bob there in post above. i think everyone has covered most thing i would have mentioned, well done for looking for support though, i hope your husband will come to understand that its nothing he has done or could have prevented if your soon comes out, and there is nothing that can reverse someones orientation dispite what various religeous groups may say -

ive mentioned a good film in different threads before staring Sigourney Weaver called "prayers for bobby " http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/ its about a gay son who mother will not accept him - it has a very very sad middle part where she looses her son but then she realises her mistakes and crusades for gay rights, its a true story and i suppose can be enlightening to a parent like yourself although as i said it does get very hard to watch at certain points,,,,

im sure your son is very blessed to have u as a caring parent so im sure youll love him no matter what - good luck

just read back to Fenrise's post and see he has mentioned Bobby too - my bad for not checking first mate