seeking Wrote:I am curious what he attracted you in the first place?
from your words it seems that he is a person only having destructive behaviors and ill attitudes.
No doubt this guy was charming and sweet and a really, really good liar.
Most abusers come off as charming, decent - nice people. They have a mask that they wear very well. This is why in most domestic violence cases other than the occasional bruise that may be seen on the victim, few people actually peg the abuser as an abuser.
Vince, my second lover, was a really sweet guy... When we first met he opened doors for me, pulled out my chair for me, and told me all those nice sweet things that one likes to hear.
He appeared to be a gentle teddy bear, and acted like one... Until I agreed to quit my job and be a 'house husband' until he was secure in the knowledge that I was dependent on him - then the nastiness started showing, small minor comments at first, that grew to harsh cruel words that lead to his throwing stuff in my general direction, then throwing things at me. Nasty mumbled comments slowly grew to screaming raging profanity and nastiness.
It is usually like this, the old frog in a pot of heating water over a frog thrown into a boiling pot.
Most victims are convinced that the person they met is still in there and its something they did to cause this monster to appear, and if we watch our p's and q's and give him what he wants that the nice, sweet, charming fella will reappear and the monster will go away.
If abusers were mean and nasty right up front, no one would date them, or even think about a relationship with them. but they are not, they are charming, manipulative, con artists that know to one degree or another what exactly to say and do to win you over.
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