Ease into things. Find a Gay and Lesbian Center and join a rap group or other interest group. If they have a rec hall or social area the hang out and sip some coffee. Point is to not fling yourself into situations too fast. Ease into non-threatening situations where you can meet gay men. Relaxing should never be forced, or else it isn't relaxation.
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Understand that courage does not mean lack of fear, it means that you stand up to your fear and plow ahead regardless of that fear. Trust me, most people who show a lot of courage are in truth shivering in their boots in fear.
Public speakers are often terrified, but pull it off and present themselves as being natural on stage before an audience. That takes real courage to stand there and act like you do not fear it.
A lot of people are in a similar boat as you -meaning they fear something, they have just become good actors and hide their fears/frustrations/anxieties and present a facade of strength, no fear, whatever.
Walk into any room with people in it and you would be hard pressed to find one individual there who doesn't have some level of trepidation at meeting new people. Granted some people may not be as fearful as you, but a decent chunk are.
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Teach me how to relax and open up
