Afraid my husband likes men now

[Anonymous]

So I’m a straight woman and now I’m experiencing really hard time in my marriage. My husband(he’s 32) and I are married for 3 years and 6 months ago our daughter was born. My husband never wanted to be in the delivery room, but I wanted him to be next to me very much so I kept talking about it and he eventually agreed. Perhaps it was my biggest mistake. My pregnancy was easy, but my labor didn’t go as planned. I had some complications and I had to have an episiotomy,because the baby couldn’t get out. I wasn’t aware of my husband then, but I guess he witnessed it all. After that he has changed completely. He’s not the person I married anymore. He’s very caring of our daughter and he spends long hours playing with her. But he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore. We haven’t had sex for more than 6 months. Every day he has some explanation – he’s tired, he doesn’t feel good, he has to work, he’s in no mood for it, etc. He only kisses me on the cheek and that’s it. He had a huge sex drive before; we were making love many times a day, also during the beginning of my pregnancy.

And that may not be the biggest problem. I’ve suspicion that he’s cheating on me, besides with a man. Once he had left his laptop open and I noticed a skype chat where he was talking with some other male. I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I did. They were calling each other “baby” and “honey” and this man was telling my husband how great he is. When somebody calls him, he always walks out of the room, so I can’t hear him. He stays many hours after job, telling me he has some extra work to do and I’ve noticed some men perfume on him that’s not his.

I know it's impossible, but has he suddenly came to like men? When he’s at home, he spends most of his time with the baby. Is this all because of my labor? Maybe he really shouldn’t have been there, so everything would be ok now? Is this really my fault? I never wanted to hurt him in any way, I love him very much and I thought it would be great for him to be present at the birth of his child. What should I do?

[dfiant]

if your husband likes men, it isn't because he saw a baby come out of a virgina that was cut open, and it certainly isn't sudden.

You don't get to pick and choose sexuality. Do you remember choosing to be straight?

You ma'am need to sit your husband down and talk with him as we can not tell you what is going on in his head.

Good Luck

[SilverFrost]

Well, I'd say those other actions speaks a lot of cheating. And what does it matter if he is having something with a man or a woman, cheating is cheating.

The child birth situation in the other hand, to me it sounds like it freaked him out badly and now he is afraid of you getting pregnant again, so he is doing everything to avoid that to happen again, not realizing how much that actually hurts you.

Try to get him to talk with you.

[Woollyhats]

Hi,

Just so you know, this isn't your fault. A lot of parents need to have emergency procedures when giving birth to their children. It's more common than most people probably think, and it's just the way it is.

As for your husband... people don't really change their sexuality on a whim. He may like males, he may have just realized it, or he may have always liked males. He may like men and women, or one or the other.

A short list of sexualities are:

Homosexual; he'd only like men
Bisexual; he'd like both genders
Heterosexual; he'd only like women.

It seems like he's in the middle, since he did have sex with you to have a baby, yes?

If you're interested in the marriage counselling and salvaging the relationship route, you'll need to know his sexuality. Because frankly, if he's homosexual, he won't experience sexual feelings for you. If he's bisexual, it's a matter of being faithful.

And on the topic of faithfulness... he isn't being faithful right now, is he? What does this say about his marriage vows, his feelings for you as a human being that has value, that's supposed to be able to trust and rely on him?

It might be tempting to just pretend none of this is happening. No one wants to realize that they're being cheated on.

But is that healthy, and is that the relationship you want?

Be a better person here, but don't let the issue go...

[Ryocchi]

It's not your fault, I'm sorry to tell you but he has been liking men all along, he probably waned to have baby as well, that he didn't want to be with you speaks that he isn't really committed to you.

It's not your fault, he lied to you, and he isn't very good about it, this is more frequently than you think, unfortunately I know two men who also did this, and no, you cannot fix it, first because it never was right, he probably never was true to you, what you need to do is start collecting evidence and seek a good divorce lawyer then confront him, and divorce so you can find a good man than actually can give you what you deserve, love, loyalty and a true family, DON'T. WASTE. YOUR. TIME.

He's not gonna change, and every year you spent with him you will only become more miserable.

[southbiochem]

1.- It is not your fault.

2.- No one starts liking men all of the sudden. People don't "go gay" overnight. This is something he has had for a while now He might have been hiding it or maybe he just came to terms with it.

3.- Bi or gay, he is cheating or falling into unfaithfull behavior. That is unacceptable.

4.- You should adress him about his behavior towards you. And then take out the "I know" card. If he's gay, he will not be ever attracted to you. If he's bi, he is a cheating husband. Either way, this need to be dealt with now. Whether he is willing to work on the marriage he has or if you 2 call it quits. This needs to happen soon cause the older the baby gets the worse is going to be for her and for you.

[CellarDweller]

Everyone here has been right on with their advice.

He's cheating on you, and you need to deal with that right away. You say he hasn't been sexually active with you, I don't mean to be insensitive, but if he's cheating, that may be a blessing. Anyone who cheats, if they aren't being safe, their partners are at risk.

[nfisher1226]

I was married to a woman for quite a long time, and even though I most definitely was attracted to men the entire time I remained faithful to my wife until the marriage was over.

I'm only mentioning this to point out that, as has already been suggested, who he cheats with is not really the issue. The issue is that he's cheating. Even if he's not physically doing the deed, having someone else call him baby shows that he's involved. And honestly, I don't care what his sexuality actually is he can man up and either keep himself under control or else do the right thing and spill his guts to you so that you can figure this out together.

He should be the one to come forward, but since it looks like he's not going to than I guess you have to. And notice I didn't say "should" or "might want to", I said "have to". You owe it to yourself and your child to confront him if he's going to continue pretending.

As others have said, this is not your fault and seeing the delivery should not have had any effect on his feelings for you.

I do have some sympathy for your husband, having gone through being closeted and married to a woman who I didn't want to hurt, and with children who I dearly loved. But it only goes so far if he's going to do things that actually do hurt you.

[loserguy]

I echo what the others say I'm afraid but you do need to have that talk