I am sick of crushing on straight guys

[CellarDweller]

determine what qualities you are attracted to in the straight men, and find gay men with those qualities.

[hank]

determine what qualities you are attracted to in the straight men, and find gay men with those qualities.

The problem is, I just don't know any gay men.

I think the qualities I like are rare in men in general. Regardless of sexually I guess I am just a romantic. I don't want to jumpright in the sack, that isn't easy to find

[swalter]

If you don't know any gay men, you need to get out more! A gay man seeking love on his own with no wingman is setting himself up for sadness! Lol

You have to go where the gays go to socialize - gay bars and clubs. Once you get a gay friend or two, your quest will radically improve. They all know each other.

[hank]

If you don't know any gay men, you need to get out more! A gay man seeking love on his own with no wingman is setting himself up for sadness! Lol

You have to go where the gays go to socialize - gay bars and clubs. Once you get a gay friend or two, your quest will radically improve. They all know each other.

It's difficult, but I am trying.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I tend to have a leaning toward falling for the unattainable = or at least wanting the unattainable. While the guys I tend to fall for are bi/gay - they are just out of bounds: Too young, Too old, already in a relationship, in another part of the world, in prison... etc.

For me it was the discovery that I was going for a Sure Not so I didn't have to deal with the uncertainty of rejection, or a messy relationship - I could 'safely' crush without all of that ugly stuff that is bound to hurt far, far more than pining for that which I cannot have.


You have to admit Hank, that as long as you are in love with a straight guy you don't have to get physically entangled there and actually do things to be gay - right? Surely by now you have figured out that any gay guy is going to want to parade you around those gay bars you can't seem to manage to get out of the car and go in.

He definitely is going to want to meet your parents... your friends... And while we all know that all these people have an intellectual understanding that you may somewhere have a fascination with guys, its not like Hank ACTS gay or does gay things like have a boyfriend on his arms, so none of these people are emotionally understanding that Hank is gay.

Having a real boyfriend in your life to commit to most likely is a really terrifying idea for you, I bet there are a lot of things you wonder how you will manage to maintain this safe illusion of straightness you still try to keep around you at all times once you get involved in a gay relationship where that illusion will be shattered once and for all.

Recently Mom showed support for your homosexuality, now there is a whole new world of 'Will Mom accept this dude I am falling for?'... After spending so many years struggling with how to get your parents acceptance over a fundamental part of you, I have to wonder how much you struggle to earn or make certain that everything you do, up to who you date meets the approval of the parents.

I think for you the real deal here is similar to the deal with myself, a Sure Not is a far, far safer thing to go for because you won't have to commit and open yourself up for a world of uncertainty and potential hurts.

Yeah its frustrating, and sure it hurts a little... but you can easily look over the real potential suitors while your heart is in play pursing the unattainable....

I think you need to sit down and really consider the real reason why you go for straight guys. While no doubt this other guy who you admire so much is the ruler by which you measure all men... I seriously doubt that is the real cause for your seeking love from guys who are unable to give it to you.

It may be an interesting side project for you, just to get to know a little more about what makes you tick.... but one day sit down and really think about that ruler (the guy you like so much) and right down all the qualities that make him such the 'ideal mate' in your mind. Such a list might actually help you to better identify what it is you really want and need in a mate.

[Mark]

I am not bothered by thestereotypicalgay guy aslong as heisn't a druggo I would prefer who ever I am with be themselves, if that means you are fabulous, be fabulous. I may have an issue with cross dressing. I want a date not a side show. I am a manly guy, butthat isn't what I am attracted to.

Maybe it's because I just don't know any gay people outside of a handful of lesbians.

See I think every gay guy I know in person seems to be really camp and that just puts me off - I've not really met any 'straight' acting gay guys yet :o but I like my rugby players mmm

[hank]

I tend to have a leaning toward falling for the unattainable = or at least wanting the unattainable. While the guys I tend to fall for are bi/gay - they are just out of bounds: Too young, Too old, already in a relationship, in another part of the world, in prison... etc.

For me it was the discovery that I was going for a Sure Not so I didn't have to deal with the uncertainty of rejection, or a messy relationship - I could 'safely' crush without all of that ugly stuff that is bound to hurt far, far more than pining for that which I cannot have.


You have to admit Hank, that as long as you are in love with a straight guy you don't have to get physically entangled there and actually do things to be gay - right? Surely by now you have figured out that any gay guy is going to want to parade you around those gay bars you can't seem to manage to get out of the car and go in.

He definitely is going to want to meet your parents... your friends... And while we all know that all these people have an intellectual understanding that you may somewhere have a fascination with guys, its not like Hank ACTS gay or does gay things like have a boyfriend on his arms, so none of these people are emotionally understanding that Hank is gay.

Having a real boyfriend in your life to commit to most likely is a really terrifying idea for you, I bet there are a lot of things you wonder how you will manage to maintain this safe illusion of straightness you still try to keep around you at all times once you get involved in a gay relationship where that illusion will be shattered once and for all.

Recently Mom showed support for your homosexuality, now there is a whole new world of 'Will Mom accept this dude I am falling for?'... After spending so many years struggling with how to get your parents acceptance over a fundamental part of you, I have to wonder how much you struggle to earn or make certain that everything you do, up to who you date meets the approval of the parents.

I think for you the real deal here is similar to the deal with myself, a Sure Not is a far, far safer thing to go for because you won't have to commit and open yourself up for a world of uncertainty and potential hurts.

Yeah its frustrating, and sure it hurts a little... but you can easily look over the real potential suitors while your heart is in play pursing the unattainable....

I think you need to sit down and really consider the real reason why you go for straight guys. While no doubt this other guy who you admire so much is the ruler by which you measure all men... I seriously doubt that is the real cause for your seeking love from guys who are unable to give it to you.

It may be an interesting side project for you, just to get to know a little more about what makes you tick.... but one day sit down and really think about that ruler (the guy you like so much) and right down all the qualities that make him such the 'ideal mate' in your mind. Such a list might actually help you to better identify what it is you really want and need in a mate.

he is awfully young and the guys I have been flirting with online are around his age. I think you have touched on something though I don't think it's because I am bothered by being gay. I just don't feel like I have anything to offer anybody. I am overwaight, that bothers me immensely, I make squat for pay, I work wired hours. There are some issuesI want resolved prior to a relationship.

[hank]

See I think every gay guy I know in person seems to be really camp and that just puts me off - I've not really met any 'straight' acting gay guys yet :o but I like my rugby players mmm

Campy gay guys don't really bother me. I expect most gay men to be a little on that side.

[Mark]

Campy gay guys don't really bother me. I expect most gay men to be a little on that side.

Some people will have qualities and its to be expected - I just don't like it in my face. Have you had a relationship with a guy before if you don't mind me asking, I just can't remember if I know that detail!

[hank]

Some people will have qualities and its to be expected - I just don't like it in my face. Have you had a relationship with a guy before if you don't mind me asking, I just can't remember if I know that detail!

Yes, though it was dysfunctional.