Abandoning your family

[Uneunsae]

If you are in India, it would be very difficult to live on your own, if not impossible, unless you are filthy rich. Most gay Indians have to sneak around to be together. So this is a really tough situation, if that's where you're from.

[Virge]

From what you've said so far I think you should consider moving away or even to another country.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the double post. I screwed up something and now I cant quote and reply too.

Thnks for your reply 50plus.

Let me do it manually.

HumbleTangerine:

Thnks for your reply
i agree with you totally. i was reading an article 'The top 5 regrets people have on their deathbed'.
http://thenextweb.com/lifehacks/2011/05/...athbeds/1/
the first regret is that ' I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.'
i definitely do not want to regret at my deathbed for not living the life i want

bilbika:

yup i'm still in the closet. thats a good suggestion. thnks

BlueStar:

Thnks for your reply and wishes

memechose:

Thnks for your reply
Btw you have a great sense of humour and your posts don't fail to make me giggle
Age : 25
Nation: Homosexuality is considered a crime ( but not death sentence ) and there are no rights for LGBT ppl here and gay partnership not recognised here too.
Culture: As I mentioned its a norm here that children stay with their parents. But I have heard of many transgenders and gay ppl who moved out of their home cos they are not accepted by their families.
Career/Income: I 'm still studying my degree and have 2 more yrs to go. I intend to work for about a year and save up before choosing to move out.

MikeW:

Thnks for your reply
Actually I found out from 2 incidents that they are homophobic. One, they stopped watching Ellen Degeneres Show after they found out she is a lesbian. Two, they always flip the newspaper to the next page if that page contains any new about gay pride, celebrity coming out etc.
But what you said is true. If they consider me as a family, they should be accepting me for who I am.

Cuddly:

Thnks for your reply
You are right I'm in stage 3 ( but nope i wont resort to killing myself )
Hopefully I am move on to stage 5 or 6

[Anonymous]

Uneunsae:

Thnks for your reply

Nope, I'm not from India but from Malaysia.
Yup it would be tough to live independently, given the high renting etc.

I always admired the western culture whereby people can move out and live on their own when they turn 18

[Uneunsae]

The extreme individualization of the West has it's own steep price. It's really nothing to be envied, just a different set of problems.

Anyway, I'm really sorry about your situation. If I were in your shoes, I would maybe not come out if that risked being homeless, and instead meet my boyfriend secretly. It's not a nice way to live, but it is better than being homeless. How old are you? Are you going to Uni? At this point, even if you were totally out and your parents accepted it 100%, I would still encourage you to focus on Uni and just have fun with your BF. While I wish you the best with him, you might not be together in a year, so you need to make sure your needs are met. It doesn't meant that you can't start formulating a plan to be more independent - that's EXACTLY what you should be doing. Make a long term plan and do what you need to in order to make it a reality.

I am 32 and still working on my dream of getting away from my abusive family. I have my own plan, and it will happen in one year. I will be completely free of them forever and can live the rest of my life in peace.

[50Plus]

Thank you for clearing up so much information. it does make it much easier to provide commentary.

Based on your situation, it is fair to assume your situation will be much different than others.

As a general rule, people grow up and build a life of their own. Doesn't necessarily mean they "abandon" their family.
I didn't just cut them off completely but I kept my distance and limited my contact with them because they were toxic to me.

Is what Mike stated possible within your culture? My family is not toxic, but is very loving and supportive of me. Yet I keep my distance and limit contact with them. I want to live my life and not live theirs. That is the reason why and surprisingly they support that.

Any idea what your parents would say if you said you wanted to get a place of your own? Also, when they are going to turn the page from the gay news, why not ask them why and maybe start the conversation.

[AdamAndWill]

Will: No. You don't invite your lover to move into your family home and then mess around behind an unlocked door. I'm 32 and engaged, and my dad is nothing if not accepting, but I still keep it in my pants when we visit him and stay over. There's such a thing as respect.

When you're able to be financially independent, you leave your family home. And then you build the life that's right for you. If they accept you, great. If they reject you, sad, but bottom line, it's YOUR life.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I do not suggest following in my footsteps. Just saying, but... yeah.

I emancipated from my parents at 16 and have been on my own since. BUT, I also live in the US. There have been times when I was homeless, times when I did things I'm not exactly proud of to get money. Finishing highschool was extremely difficult. Going to Uni was even more so difficult... and I -still- haven't finished. Life has a way of derailing education when you don't have a parental buffer there to help you finish.

Finish Uni. Enjoy your BF away from your family. Once you have finished Uni and are making your own income, living your own life? THEN is the time to decide if you need to separate more permanently from your family's influences. Not now while you're still dependent on them.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Most bridges you should burn when you get to them.... Or cross.

Since currently you are assuming how your family will take the new of 'I'm gay' and making all of these plans, this is your attempt to burn a bridge before you get to it and even know if it needs to be burned.

Yes I get you live in a culture/society where homosexuality is condemned, we all come from a society that is or was like that. Truth is that not every family leaped on to the societies bandwagon, thus by one family at a time was acceptance found.

I suggest doing the coming out thing before you decide to disown your family.

[AlfredM]

Furthermore, I'm born in a Asian country where its a custom that children should stay with their parents until they are married. Also, the country I'm living is homophobic and theres a law that only heterosexual married couples are legally allowed to buy houses. Any one are allowed to rent though, but the rent is very ridiculously high here.

Hey fellow Malaysian! Wait,we have another one in GS? Yeay!

No wonder it sounds so familiar reading the OP,someone with a similar background is behind it.

First of all,it is true that it's kind of a custom here to live with parents till you're married,in fact some married couple who are not financially independent (mostly those who get married while they're still studying or just graduated) still live with their parents. But in a situation where you need to live in another city to get a job,for example I'm from Alor Setar and suppose I am to live in Kuala Lumpur for work, you MUST live on your own. If you're from the same place as you plan to work in,then consider choosing a workplace considerably far from your home that it is more affordable to just rent a place over there than commuting from your parents' house.

Second of all,there's no such law allowing only heterosexual couple to buy houses in Malaysia! My friend's dad bought a house under his name,and he's a single man,so there you go.

I know some couples (not personally) who actually made it for more than 20 years in this country,but I honestly don't like the fact that we have to live in fear for prosecution, despite it is not being enforced actively,which is why I'm considering migration seriously. I don't think I'm going to abandon my family, I'm just going to distance myself by working abroad under the false pretense that I'm single there,LOL.

You could always PM me yeah,hope this helps.