Gay people also want to be parents

[Adam]

Thank you very much for understanding, MountLogan. You are the first one here who understood absolutely right everything I tried to say, without blaming me. It is very important for me. I grew up in a loving family and since then I understand, that loving family is the greatest treasure in our life and each of us deserves to have it.
Thank you once again.

[MountLogan]

I think it may be because we are both nearly the same age (you are only 1 year older than me) so we can relate on this issue. Because for us having kids it's not the story of tomorrow or yesterday but happening NOW.

I would agree being gay and want a child at 20 may be irresponsible or being 50 and wanting a child just to be a normal family may be a red flag.

But between 30-35 it's definitely the best time to start the process having a child because we are more mature (normally) and more financially stable (then again normally). Even more so when you are gay since the process may be longer.

[Adam]

I think it may be because we are both nearly the same age (you are only 1 year older than me) so we can relate on this issue. Because for us having kids it's not the story of tomorrow or yesterday but happening NOW.

I would agree being gay and want a child at 20 may be irresponsible or being 50 and wanting a child just to be a normal family may be a red flag.

But between 30-35 it's definitely the best time to start the process having a child because we are more mature (normally) and more financially stable (then again normally). Even more so when you are gay since the process may be longer.

Agree with you, that age means a lot. When you are 20, you may want to have kids, but you have nothing to give to your child. I mean not only financial stability (but it is also important). I mean wisdom. Wisdom comes only with experience. You cannot teach your child how to avoid making some mistakes, you cannot protect him or her. You cannot be responsible for your child if you are not responsible for yourself yet. And when you are 50, you have to care more about yourself, because you are beginning to lose your health and have less energy. And parenting requires a lot of health and energy!

[Bubble]

Don't forget that you are growing together with your child. Child grows and together with it you become more wise. Time is passing and we should follow our dreams.
How are you? Did you take some kind of plan for further actions?

[East]

Agree with you, that age means a lot. When you are 20, you may want to have kids, but you have nothing to give to your child. I mean not only financial stability (but it is also important). I mean wisdom. Wisdom comes only with experience. You cannot teach your child how to avoid making some mistakes, you cannot protect him or her. You cannot be responsible for your child if you are not responsible for yourself yet. And when you are 50, you have to care more about yourself, because you are beginning to lose your health and have less energy. And parenting requires a lot of health and energy!

OK...I am sorry to do this again..really I am...and I considered keeping my mouth shut...and almost succeeded until this was brought up to the top again....

I am still bothered by your use of the word "normal"....that is my problem though and I hope only mine.....I hope it isn't any of the "wisdom" you will pass on...

But now THIS

When you are 20, you may want to have kids, but you have nothing to give to your child

...and this

You cannot teach your child how to avoid making some mistakes, you cannot protect him or her. You cannot be responsible for your child if you are not responsible for yourself yet...

...something just isn't sitting right....

For the record...I don't think everyone should have children. I was raised by someone who should have never reproduced.....and she often talked like you do here....

It could be coincidence....but something is just a bit off IMO

One thing that is true though and not just my opinion...your assertion that age has anything to do with maturity..and your assertion that a 20 year old has nothing to give their child and cannot do this or that is pure bullshit and pretty insulting to millions of people who have done just fine....

If wisdom is what you seek to pass on...you need to give it a little...or a lot...more practice.

I only know you by your words...and it kinda bothers me that you want a child at this time with the statements you have made.

[ChadCoxRox]

I live in a very conservative state where the ban on same sex marriage amended to our constitution a couple years back was just over turned under duress; yet, I have a dear friend who with her partner of a few years adopted two brother babies from Guatemala and have just married this year recently while raising the boys to age six and eight. They are a very happy family and I'm very supportive of their efforts. That said, I would caution you in getting prepared.

This couple say their success has depended largely on their getting counseling together to prepare themselves for a very challenging process. Your inferences about what is normal and "people like me" suggest a place to strengthen resolve and bolster your own values and beliefs in anticipation as serving as the primary care provider and support system for kids establishing their own place in the world around. So it can be in your own best interest as well as your prospective child to plan strategically from many different angles.

I hope you'll find plenty of resources for this prep work. I'd consider experienced same-sex parents for sure because there are MANY out there to be found who will be a HUMONGOUS help. Be prepared to be steered toward professional help as well because it can be SO very helpful.

I hope you realize your dreams because this world has so many children who someone to love them as family.

[Adam]

Don't forget that you are growing together with your child. Child grows and together with it you become more wise. Time is passing and we should follow our dreams.
How are you? Did you take some kind of plan for further actions?

I agree, that you grow up together with a child. But you must be wise already, when you decide to have a child. A child is not a toy.
I'm ok, thanks. Now I'm searching the inf. about surrogacy

[Adam]

OK...I am sorry to do this again..really I am...and I considered keeping my mouth shut...and almost succeeded until this was brought up to the top again....

I am still bothered by your use of the word "normal"....that is my problem though and I hope only mine.....I hope it isn't any of the "wisdom" you will pass on...

But now THIS

When you are 20, you may want to have kids, but you have nothing to give to your child

...and this

You cannot teach your child how to avoid making some mistakes, you cannot protect him or her. You cannot be responsible for your child if you are not responsible for yourself yet...

...something just isn't sitting right....

For the record...I don't think everyone should have children. I was raised by someone who should have never reproduced.....and she often talked like you do here....

It could be coincidence....but something is just a bit off IMO

One thing that is true though and not just my opinion...your assertion that age has anything to do with maturity..and your assertion that a 20 year old has nothing to give their child and cannot do this or that is pure bullshit and pretty insulting to millions of people who have done just fine....

If wisdom is what you seek to pass on...you need to give it a little...or a lot...more practice.

I only know you by your words...and it kinda bothers me that you want a child at this time with the statements you have made.

I did not say, that everyone is irresponsible, when he is 20. I personally know a girl, who bore a child when she was 19. And she is a happy wife and a great mom. All I want to say, is when you are 20, there are lots of things you don't know about parenting and life

[Adam]

East, I did not say, that everyone is irresponsible, when he is 20. I personally know a girl, who bore a child when she was 19. And she is a happy wife and a great mom. All I want to say, is when you are 20, there are lots of things you don't know about parenting and life

[Adam]

thank you for the story you've told, CCRox. The experience of your friends inspire a lot! Best wishes to them and to you!