I made the poor guy scared

[Borg69]

I wouldn't apologize. How did compliments become a disgrace if it isn't reciprocated? You should own it, unapologetically. Perhaps tone down the staring. There's a line between attraction and restraining orders.

[princealbertofb]

Apologising for saying another man is handsome is the same as apologising for being gay.

As far as I am concerned you have nothing to feel bad about an nothing to apologise for.

Women can complement each other on their appearances, but men can't?

Just go and get your coffee as normal and don't make a fuss, if you barrista backed away due to his own homophobic reasons, then he is the one with the problem. If it was the fact that he was taken aback and slightly embarrassed with the the attention, then all will be good. It will be just another day.

That was not [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION]'s suggestion. He suggested apologising for making the young man uncomfortable, not for saying he was handsome. I'm sure said barista can take a compliment, even if it comes from a man. If he's really handsome, he'll have heard it before, from other men, from women ... from his mum, even.
I'll have to agree with you that there's nothing to apologise for in a compliment, but maybe there is no need to make the situation more awkward than it needs to be. A short conversation may put everyone at ease, maybe even it could become an insider's joke.

[princealbertofb]

My guess is it wasn't so much the compliment as it was the staring or maybe the two together, but not just the flattery. It's not like you asked to see his wiener or anything. . Although, I'm sure that is just as beautiful as the rest of him.

We DEFINITELY need a HAHA button as well. Thanks [MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION].

[deephiance]

That was not [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION]'s suggestion. He suggested apologising for making the young man uncomfortable, not for saying he was handsome. I'm sure said barista can take a compliment, even if it comes from a man. If he's really handsome, he'll have heard it before, from other men, from women ... from his mum, even.
I'll have to agree with you that there's nothing to apologise for in a compliment, but maybe there is no need to make the situation more awkward than it needs to be. A short conversation may put everyone at ease, maybe even it could become an insider's joke.

FUCK IT...i'm not in the mood

[LJay]

FUCK IT...i'm not in the mood

Well there is that.

[deephiance]

yeah i know, I was just pissed at the tone of the reply and the condescending tone making out that I was in some way having a go at you for suggesting the apology when I was actually putting forward an opinion.

You weren't the only to suggest an apology, I was simply putting my perspective on it rather than attack those that suggested an apology may be something to consider.

I get annoyed when people put on their big boy pants and they are a little too tight.

And my annoyed is rather brutal

[princealbertofb]

yeah i know, I was just pissed at the tone of the reply and the condescending tone making out that I was in some way having a go at you for suggesting the apology when I was actually putting forward an opinion.

You weren't the only to suggest an apology, I was simply putting my perspective on it rather than attack those that suggested an apology may be something to consider.

I get annoyed when people put on their big boy pants and they are a little too tight.

And my annoyed is rather brutal

No condescension on my part, and I'm sorry if that's how you understood it. Basically we agreed on the fact that he should not apologise for being gay, nor for making a compliment. But when I read your post I wondered whether you had not misread LJay's answer. A slight twist of what words he'd used, and suddenly we're up in arms about an apology? The difference between your take and mine? You'll say : FUCK IT!!, I'll try to patch it up. We don't go about the world doing things the same way, and that's fine. So you suggest he shouldn't apologise and I suggest he could because of the embarrassment caused. First of all, if he wants to go back to the café he'll need to get good service from the same person time and time again, so no need, to my mind, in being the awkward customer. The compliment was heartfelt, and it'll stay just that. The idea is just to defuse the awkwardness and maybe some unease. I think this may be a cultural thing : Australians are a bit blunter than the British, no? None of our advice came from grievance. Let's shake hands on it, [MENTION=24118]deephiance[/MENTION]. Or maybe I should buy you a beer (that is, if you like it). :biggrin:

[ShiftyNJ]

Agreed with Deephiance, I wouldn't say anything, it wasn't a big deal. No reason to apologise to be honest, you've done nothing wrong. I really would stop staring at him so much though, because THAT may start getting creepy.

Agreed. It's not inappropriate to notice an attractive individual and pay them a compliment, assuming they'll be flattered. But once you know the attention makes them uncomfortable it's best to respect that by minimizing it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies. This morning he was different than other mornings, he smiled widely at me when I came through the door, he was a lot kinder and nicer than other days, as if we were friends. I tried to take your advice and minimize the staring but every time our eyes met he smiled at me. Well, I guess it turned out better than I expected, I thought he was going to run away as soon as he'll see me.

[InbetweenDreams]

Thanks for your replies. This morning he was different than other mornings, he smiled widely at me when I came through the door, he was a lot kinder and nicer than other days, as if we were friends. I tried to take your advice and minimize the staring but every time our eyes met he smiled at me. Well, I guess it turned out better than I expected, I thought he was going to run away as soon as he'll see me.

Well I think we have the tendency to overthink things when things either don't go as expected or when they go awkward... Especially over a handsome guy.