Im not sure if Im gay straight or bi????

[Wolfe]

Hi everyone,


I need some advice and I hope there are some of you that have gone through similar situations as me. Im not sure if I am gay or straight or bi. Here are the facts.

My friends always tells me that if I were gay they would understand, and my parents always tell me the same. My father said if I were gay he would still love me and he tells me that he supports gay rights. The girls at school always ask me if I am gay all of the time.

I dont dress like a gay person and I dont act gay Im a normal guy. I have posters of naked women up in my room and I look at straight porn and fantasize about women. I have never been molested or anything.

I have never had a girlfriend and Im still a virgin with women. Ive been experimenting with guys since I was 10 and I have had sex with alot of guys but I dont fantasize about guys or want to date them. Its like only when Im alone with another guy or bored and he says something like "If you suck mine I will suck yours". I never told anyone about sex with guys. I have a hard time talking to girls but an easy time talking to guys.

My grandmother said boys only turn gay if they cant get girls or they get molested. I dont know if that is true but probly not. I dont hate gay people or anything but I sort get scared about if I am gay.

Could I be gay and not know it? I will feel stupid if everyone else knows it and Im the last to find out. Did any of you guys go through this?

[MHJG]

I can't give a good piece of advice because I have known I'm gay since I had consciousness.

I'm very confused. You don't fantasise gay sex, but you had a lot. What do you feel about gay sex then? Happy or what? You don't look like a gay person, but people around you keep asking if you're gay. I think people don't ask that with no reason. You fantasise about women; why not try once?

One thing I'm sure that what your grandma said was wrong. I can get a girlfriend much more easier than a boyfriend if I want. Some girls even keep showing their love feelings to me. Being gay has nothing to do with that. One of my gay friends finally accepted he is gay when he was 4x. Some people reject themselves being gay. It's definitely not stupid, and you're still young. Don't give pressure to yourself about that.

[Wolfe]

I want to try it with girls but I freeze up when I try talking with them. It feels good when I do it with guys but I'd rather have girls.

[LJay]

One thing that seems like you can bet on is that you are 16. At your age it is not unheard of for folks to have lots of questions about sexuality. You have time to figure things out. Keeping that in mind, try to be kind and considerate to others and always, always play safe. That means, among other things, use condoms.

The folks here are pretty good about answering questions and sharing experiences, so don't be shy about speaking up.

[Wolfe]

Im afraid I might be gay I know its not bad to be gay Im just so scared and it seems like everyone wants me to be gay so alot of pressure on me. Im not sure if I need condoms since Im only doing it with guys and I dont think they have aids.

[artyboy]

Im afraid I might be gay I know its not bad to be gay Im just so scared and it seems like everyone wants me to be gay so alot of pressure on me. Im not sure if I need condoms since Im only doing it with guys and I dont think they have aids.

Hmmmm always carry condoms dude, dont trust anyone without both getting tested at the some time.

Just tell people you are Bisexual if your that bothered then try going out with both males and females. But personally I dont care what other people think of me, it none of their business who I love or have sex with.

[Camfer]

Hey [MENTION=24505]Wolfe[/MENTION], welcome to the forum! You ask some interesting questions.

I remember being about your age and heading into the library to read about homosexuality, and in whatever book it was they defined gay people as those who had 7 or more same-sex experiences. I think at the time I'd had 5, so I thought to myself, "Phew, I'm not gay!" LOL. I've had periods in my life when I've only had sex with men, when I've only had sex with women, and even some periods where I'd go back and forth between men and women. I would not label myself as bi.

The early research into human sexuality was by Kinsey in the 1940s, and here's some cool excerpts:

"The classification of sexual behavior as masturbatory, heterosexual, or homosexual, is, therefore, unfortunate if it suggests that only different types of persons seek out or accept each kind of sexual activity. There is nothing known in the anatomy or physiology of sexual response and orgasm which distinguishes masturbatory, heterosexual, or homosexual reactions...(Kinsey et al., 1953:446) It would clarify our thinking if the terms could be dropped completely out of our vocabulary (Kinsey et al., 1948:617).
"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual... Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into pigeonholes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects...(Kinsey et al., 1948:639)."

Then he went on to develop a scale of 0 to 6 to try to approximate that continuum. [Or developed 7 pigeonholes, haha.] You can read about the Kinsey scale if you want.

I'd say a label isn't really going to help you much. Just keep treating yourself and others well and do what feels right. In time it should all become clearer to you, your likes and dislikes.

If you insist on a label, maybe not-straight fits? Feel free to adopt and cast off labels as they do or do not serve you.

PS: Always use condoms and assume everyone is poz no matter what they say.

[Cuddly]

Firstly, gays don't look a certain way. The only solid difference between straights and gays is the choice of sexpartner.
Secondly, you are what you are. If you suck boys for fun, but only really want to play with girls, then you're straight. Possibly bi. Whatever the case, play safe and enjoy.

[Cridders88]

Hi Wolfe,

I've known I am gay since about age 11/12. However, some people work it out or accept that they are much much later, so there is no rush or no time limit to figure this all out. Take your time, and don't worry about labelling yourself just yet.

Couple things. Your Grandmother is 100% wrong. You do not turn gay from being touched inappropriately. In fact, you do not turn gay at all, being gay is something you always are, it just takes some people longer to realise as I said above. The older generation can have very odd and ignorant views on it- it's not their fault per say, it's just what they have had drummed into them through their lives.

From what you have said, you might be gay, you might not. One thing that [B]might[/B] lean my view towards you being possibly gay is that you feel more comfortable speaking to guys than girls. Do you know why this is? Also, if you are worried about being gay, do you think possibly this could be causing you to be in denial? Having sex with guys but denying fantasises or wanting to date them? Being in denial may be one theory, again it is hard to say. One thing I would say, is try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You have plenty of time to work this all out. And, unlike some people, a good support network

Finally, ALWAYS wear a condom. Unless you are in a long term, fully monogamous relationship with someone you can 100% trust, it would be stupid to do otherwise. There are a range of different diseases you could pick up besides AIDS anyway.

Good luck!

[Wolfe]

Thanks for the advice, the Kinsey stuff is confusing though.