Confused, emotional, and sometimes even depresed

[Teen]

First of all, hello everyone i just joined after looking around for over a week and this is my first post

im 17 years old (very mature for my age however) , gay, not out, and have been seeing this guy who is 21 for couple months now..

here is my problem..first of all we are both not out.. problem is I cant see myself ever been out just because i have religious parents who are both fairly young and they would never accept me (i constantly have to take them making fun off/being in digust with other gay people they see)

second problem is that because of our age differences, it is technically not legal for us to be together. and im not sure if thats the reason why or not but we both have been seeing each other for months, meeting up, having sex, but we arent "dating" as in a relationship..he lives an hour away as well which may be also the reason that we arent "dating" just casually meeting up and it usually leads to sex

however, i keep thinking about him and i feel like im emotionally attached to him and im scared to lose him which is why im scared to ask if he wants to be in a "relationship"

this has caused me to be really emotional lately ive been just sitting thinking and i feel like its making me depressed

idk if anyone has any advice but I just needed somewhere to vent out since no one knows im gay but him and i cant talk to any1 about it

[James]

Hi and welcome Teen, not a bad place to vent, think alot of us have before, lots to think about, plus need to consider if not legal cause of age thing he takes the fall and you will be outed. Just take it slow and have a plan for all the contingencies, James

[pellaz]

yes be careful abut the under age thing, especially with the none supportive rents. delete your emails, text(s) put passwords on things computers, cell phones etc.

if he is not interested in a relationship than can you accept it as a hookup? i am saying a friend with benefits is not at all bad. there are lots of boys around. some will live closer, be more your age, maybe have closer interests. get out there and find them too. most cities have a LBGT center that you can join.

get your self tested at a local free clinic. usually they have some good advice and free stuff. i dont know the situation but dont rely on him to help you out in the safe sex department.

[hndsup]

about your parents, i really don't know what to tell you cause every family is different. I didnt expect my mother to understand it since she grew up in a 500-inhabitants town and her mind was as tiny as her village. when i first told her she got terribly depressed and after a lot of shrink sessions and a while she seems to be ok with it. she didnt tell most of her friends yet or anything like that, so it's not like she totally pondered it, but at least we have a great relationship again. thing is you never know how people will react
and about the age, is it that big a deal in US? here in argentina after 16 you legally get to do whatever you want with your sexuality. and morally, 4 years is an acceptable difference of ages. maybe we're just a kinky 3rd world country lol. It might be a bit shocking cause you're 17 but anyways, age is just a number, if you are comfortable dating someone who's 21, then you probably are more mature than your chronological age, what's the deal with it?

[dfiant]

Coming out is a very personal thing that is influenced by the place that you are in as far as personal growth goes, the people around you attitudes, and other influences like religion. All these things have to come together before you can feel comfortable coming out. The important thing is coming out on your own terms, you'll know when you are ready

As far as being underage, without knowing what state of the USA you are in, there are about 9 states where the Age Of Consent is 18 years old for Gay Males, all the rest are between 14-17 years old for age of consent. There are usually clauses in these laws that specify legal age gaps with a youth under the age of consent. If one partner is under the age of consent, the age difference between consenting partners can be anywhere between 2 years to 5 years.

Either way, I doubt there would be any consequences for either of you at all if the law were to discover your relationship given the fact that you are pretty much in what I would call the same age bracket.

Here is a link to Age Of Consent - http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm

[LateBloomer]

Hi Teen, there are lots of smart and helpful members here, I've discovered.



First of all, when do you turn 18? It sounds like you're under a little stress right now and turning 18 might help reduce some of that.

Secondly, you know, this is the Big Picture part. Your first love will always be different than the rest. This is true if you're gay or straight. So don't beat yourself up to any extra degree when you already feel like you wanna tear your heart out. This is NORMAL for boys and girls, gay or straight. It's all part of being HUMAN and GROWING UP.

As for your parents, I don't have any advice there, that's a tough situation. But I'm reminded of a Shakespeare quote:

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Live honestly.
Best,

[jbrowder24]

You should be honest with your boyfriend. You can keep it casual... just say something like, "You know, we've been doing this for a while, and I just am wondering what it means to you? Is it just a bit of fun, or would you want to be boyfriends?" Make sure he understands that whatever you guys decide, it doesn't have to mean being public about it yet if neither of you are out.

As for coming out, it might be best to wait until you graduate and are off to college or a job, given the situation; at least when it comes to your parents/family. We ultimately must decide when is best for us, and sometimes it is safer when not in the same household and of age.

Whatever you end up doing, good luck.

[runswithscissor]

Hey teen...lord lord, havent we all had relationship issues....?? I have recently posted about my own. Im a very honest, blunt, straight forward kind of person...so I hope I dont offend you. I know you're getting attached to this guy....and I know you're kind not into the gay scene yet...but honestly, this guy seems all about sex. I'm not telling you to stop seeing him, but I would be guarded with my emotions. As you get out into the gay scene more you will understand...a lot of guys are just about sex...(not all of them, don't get me wrong)...you have to know what is what....just be wary of the guy. As for your parents...well, I wish I could help....telling them is up to you...but you will run the risk that we all have faced...of family not understanding. Be yourself...be proud of who you are...don't let other people make you feel ashamed of yourself...

[JShell1265]

Hey Teen, Welcome to GS!

I hope everything turns out . . . . sorry, I don't have much to say to help. I'm also "out" to only a few friends and my immediate family. My parents didn't take it well, but they have come around . . . . we just don't talk about it. I'm much older than you, but I was forced to come "out" when I was your age.

It helped me alot to tell a couple friends that I trusted. All my friends that I've told still respect me and still do things with me. I do have a couple friends that I'm scared to tell and I also have to hear them make their gay bashing jokes.

Good luck my friend!!

[Teen]

Hey guys sorry I just got to read your responses and wow I didnt think I'd have so many good replies/advice, i guess i picked a good place to vent..

just some things, I am from new jersey abd based on the site that dfiant posted, the age of consent is 16 so does this mean we are fine? although the age thing isnt that much of an issue (especially since im turning 18 in a 3 months) as much as the one hour drive and us never really having talked about a real "relationship" and im kind of afraid to ask because I dont want to ruin what we already have

as far as it goes with my parents, I do not plan on telling either of them anytime soon, mostly because from what ive seen they really really hate on gay people and as much as it hurts to see this, i cant do anything about it, except sometimes i even fight with them to stop because its nothing wrong nor is it their fault