Confused.

[Mark]

Being gay you hear the word 'Confused' alot...

This story isn't the usual confused about sexuality, as I am perfectly secure about that. Its more about how I am with guys.

In real life ive had one or two serious relationships with a guy. Each time I got my heart broken :frown: Which is quite a kick in the teeth. Ive also had a 4 year relationship, (My longest!), but with a girl. I really fell for her and that.. Was completely broke once that ended, but hey life goes on.

My problem is the type of guy im attracted to. I dont seem to have a specific type. The internet made me realise this.. Each guy which I have to admit I feel some sort of attraction, well they are completely different, but I have a feeling I may be making myself fall for them, and its complete BS any relationships. I guess I dont know what to do anymore.. Sounds like a pathetic problem right? But it gets to me so much..

I feel trapped in a world where ive lost myself, and im adapting to how people want me to be.. Im not myself, well thats how it feels. I just want to scream?! Uh fgs. I dont know anymore. Ever wish you could hide from the world? Thats how I feel right now!! I need help.

[blu]

Well, I can say I'm confused about this in some ways, and sure about it in other ways. Well, let me restate the confused to stressed. It sucks being in love with guys you're pretty sure you'll never get. But I know I'm bisexual and nothing will change that, not even god, because I spent a good 4 years praying for deliverance and nothing happened.

[Mark]

Well, I can say I'm confused about this in some ways, and sure about it in other ways. Well, let me restate the confused to stressed. It sucks being in love with guys you're pretty sure you'll never get. But I know I'm bisexual and nothing will change that, not even god, because I spent a good 4 years praying for deliverance and nothing happened.

Aww I think in your case, it will all come to you. Im gathering your pretty young right? :confused:

[blu]

Aww I think in your case, it will all come to you. Im gathering your pretty young right? :confused:

Yes, yes I am. I should probably put that on my profile. I hope that things will be much better now that I've accepted it.

[Mark]

Yes, yes I am. I should probably put that on my profile. I hope that things will be much better now that I've accepted it.

Ah they will! Remember im here to talk to if you need me :biggrin:

[blu]

Ah they will! Remember im here to talk to if you need me :biggrin:

Thanks. I like to be somewhere where I can talk to people who understand. I couldn't ever get a straight person to really understand.

[spotysocks]

Mark you come across as a lovely guy with a kind mature soul even though your young years. Its not a pathetic problem at all, a lot of people have the same thoughts like you do now. You might have a type already and you didn't realize, you said in another thread you wouldn't date someone above 25, that is a type already. Though people will often go for someone they never thought they will, it happens. Regardless, disappointments and have our heart broken it's all in the plan and can be what makes someone a better person.

It's quite understandable if you don't have a type. Age 18 you are an adult but you still discovering your self now in order to find out what suits you which is the right thing to do. It takes time to find out what we want or what is our type and it changes with the time like everything else. You don't have to have a type after all, can mean that you wait to see and take people for who they are.

Did something in particular made you feel trapped? Have you been feeling like that for long or it appeared recently? However i know this feeling, and realized taking things too much in heart was it's source and the remedy is to let more things just pass by and forget more efficiently than you do. If you know who is 'You' you will have to find a way to bring 'you' back.

[Shadow]

Spotysocks has done a bang-up job and given you some very good advice there babe ...

All I can really think to add is that, at 18 (ok, 19 minus a bit under a week ), you're still at the near-end of the journey - you've got SOOOO much road to tread, and so many opportunities both good AND bad that lie down the paths ahead of you, that you would be best served, not regarding this as the end, or even the mid-point of your journey, but still very near the beginning.

I didn't even come OUT until I was in my 20's, and I didn't go with my first boyfriend until I was ... 23 I think ? And I've never considered myself a late-bloomer :redface: ... perhaps I should ... mile:.

The point I'm making is that if you're able to relax your grip over the situation a bit, and see that it's the experiences you undergo which will help you define what does, and does not work for you, then you'll be in a better position to decide what is, and is definitely not, your type ...

Confusion in this area is perfectly natural, as every guy and/or girl that you meet is a combination of good and bad, happy and sad, beautiful and ugly - and so ultimately it can be quite hard to even DEFINE a type, let along plump for one ...

I think age and experience shows us that compromise is invariably necessary - my boyfriend is ADORABLE, but I'm sure there are things about me that he'd like to change (like my abject fear of flying for one) ...

Patience, understanding and tolerance of yourself will see you through babe ... and remember - you can always come talk to us - we luv ya xx

.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Mark]

Hmm thank you guys.

Shadow - Feeling trapped has been for quite a while, well a long time.. You remember Riki right? Well We were pretty close until I said woah I feel too trapped, and its pretty much happened with everyone since, im not sure whether its the intensity? But then when I hear things about them.. Like meeting someone else im like woah -Slap in the face, yet I dont think id want to be with them?

I just feel I cant be myself, and im not truely sure what 'myself' is. For years ive had to be someone else, mainly due to being gay and not coming out ASAP. So now I dont know who I am. Im the type of guy which bottles things, and no matter how many times I get told "You shouldnt do that, let it out", I cant, mainly because I think my trust has been abused in the past.

Theres also another part in which I feel, ffs im moaning when there are alot and I mean ALOT more people with bigger problems, and I need to get over it...


Shadow - Thanks for that! I know im still young and alot more paths will become available, thats the same advice id give someone if I saw this post, but it still doesnt clear things up.. Im not sure what to do! There isnt one problem which stands out just bleh.

Im not a fussy guy.. Theres a few that like me, and to me they are perfect, yet I cant seem to move onto the next step.. Its horrible, whats wrong with me?

[spotysocks]

Riki you mean Blazinsmile? I do remember him. I have only good things to say about this guy! (otherwise i would say nothing at all )

A few things i can comment on and then you see what Shadow thinks, is that you need to elaborate a bit more what you mean by 'trapped'. Why, what? Something is missing , or maybe too many overwhelming feelings are involved, fear of getting hurt or something else?

What is wrong with you? hmmm nothing, just confused and you need to clear your mind to find your balance.
Maybe you feel this way just because you are not sure of what you're after. However imo what most people are looking as in their love life is a fulfilling excitement however they interpret this, passion and love. It's simple... The interpretation of these is the trouble because it's rather different for everyone. It's important to clear up in your head whatever issues might bother you. Set them in to categories i.e. Family, Friends, Work, Study, Love, Sex so they dont mix up with each other and resolve one and at a time. Step by step not everything together.

The possibility of the lost chance is what makes you go 'Agh...' when you hear someone you were close with has moved on even if you dont want to be with him. It's ok to do that.

Everyone moves on at their own time. You will do this when you are ready , it's not a competition. Overcoming fears and understanding ourselves is a process , just taking it easy and not prolong this process to the max by mixing issues together creating a chaos is imo the perfect analogy.

What would be the next step you cant move into?