Confused/Hurt/Tired of It. What Do I Do?
05-30-2013, 04:39 PM
Hello Gay Speak! This is my first posting, so I hope I get helpful replies. (Sorry for the length, but it's necessary to get my point across).
I am 19 years old. A Sophomore in college. And lately I haven't been happy at all :/
I will call my boyfriend A for anonymity purposes. A and I have been together for 14 months. How did we meet? A and his ex-fiance of 2 years were on one of their breaks (I didn't know A at the time) and I met his ex. We started dating and after about 2 weeks he cheated on me with A. No big deal, I just moved on. Well, A and I started chatting and decided to hang out. That hang out lead to, of course, sex. Things were going alright and after about two weeks we decided to give things a try. He ended up having to move in with me that weekend because his room mate was moving back home. So we have just started dating and already live together...
Every now and then we would have little arguments. He would always compare me to his ex, or when I did something that upset or annoyed him, he would call me his ex's name. He didn't have a job, so he sat at home all day while I went to work. As you could imagine, finances weren't great, and every time a bill would be due, he would leave the responsibility of coming up with the money to me. My lease ended about 4 months later. We were still together, but arguing more frequently. We moved into a new apartment together. Because he still hadn't found a job, everything (including the lease) had to go in my name.
Things were rocky. Arguing increased, then decreased. Around October we got into our first big fight. I honestly don't even remember the issue we were fighting about. The fight ended with him taking MY cell phone, which he does whenever he is mad, (he doesn't have one, so we share one), and MY keys and says he's leaving for a while. I ran out after him and put my hand on the window. He acted like he was going to hand me the phone and then slammed on the gas, pulling me along the concrete. I had to go to the ER and now have 4 scars. We talked about everything the next day and were going to try and work out our differences.
Things were going okay, but we litterally spend every second that we arent working together. I have lost all of my friend. we never go anywhere or do anything. all we do, every single day is come home, watch tv, possibly jack off, and go to sleep.
This brings me to my next issue. We havent had sex in months. as usual, he blames that on me as well, saying I never try. WHen i do try, he doesnt want to or he just wants to watch porn and jack off. He constantly gets pissed off when he thinks I jacked off alone and I say I haven't (which is the truth. I actually look forward to the intensity of an orgasm after waiting all day). Then when he is home alone, I find his clothing with cum stains or the internet history deleted or sex toys that had been washed off. Would this make him hypocritical? He is also one of those guys that will speak his mind and call someone out in the middle of a crowd or through a drive through window. He always has an attitude when he speaks, and when I let him know, he gets offended and we get into a fight. BUT when he accuses me of having attitude and I say i wasn't trying to and apologize for it, we still fight. My apologies are never accepted. Every time there is an issue between us, no matter if he knows he is wrong, he always puts the full blame on me.
When we are fighting, he says and does things that I know I shouldn't take, but I am a very passive person. He has called me stupid (does this frequently), fat, he has told me that none of my relationships will ever work because of how I treat him, hes shoved me, put his hands at my neck. In all honesty, I treat him like a king. I give him everything he wants. A more recent fight that we had was over finances. We were short on rent and he forced me to beg 3 of my family members for money because he wouldnt ask his. He ended up smacking a cup off of the counter at me. This was the first time that I grabbed my keys and left. When i came home that evenning, he had cleaned the house and cooked dinner and told me how sorry he was.
He is starting to notice that I am not as happy as I used to be. He is always asking me whats wrong, but I just brush it off and say nothing because I am terrified of what his reaction will be if I tell him the truth. I love him, with all my heart. But I dont know how much longer I can do this.
I don't know what to do. Lately, the only thing i have been thinking of is being single again and getting my life back. I miss my friends. I miss having fun. I dont want to cry everytime I hear a song that makes me think about how unhappy I am. But i'm scared. What will happen? What will he do if I end it? He always says he would never hurt me, but his actions has proved otherwise. What will happen with all of our things and the apartment? this lease ends in 2 months. we have talked about it before, and he firmly believes that if we break up, he is going to take everything that we have bought together and everything that he had anything to do with. Thats fine, but the things is, he won/'t be civil about it. He never has been. I dont know what to do anymore. I have never been the one to end a relationship. Advice. Please?
I am 19 years old. A Sophomore in college. And lately I haven't been happy at all :/
I will call my boyfriend A for anonymity purposes. A and I have been together for 14 months. How did we meet? A and his ex-fiance of 2 years were on one of their breaks (I didn't know A at the time) and I met his ex. We started dating and after about 2 weeks he cheated on me with A. No big deal, I just moved on. Well, A and I started chatting and decided to hang out. That hang out lead to, of course, sex. Things were going alright and after about two weeks we decided to give things a try. He ended up having to move in with me that weekend because his room mate was moving back home. So we have just started dating and already live together...
Every now and then we would have little arguments. He would always compare me to his ex, or when I did something that upset or annoyed him, he would call me his ex's name. He didn't have a job, so he sat at home all day while I went to work. As you could imagine, finances weren't great, and every time a bill would be due, he would leave the responsibility of coming up with the money to me. My lease ended about 4 months later. We were still together, but arguing more frequently. We moved into a new apartment together. Because he still hadn't found a job, everything (including the lease) had to go in my name.
Things were rocky. Arguing increased, then decreased. Around October we got into our first big fight. I honestly don't even remember the issue we were fighting about. The fight ended with him taking MY cell phone, which he does whenever he is mad, (he doesn't have one, so we share one), and MY keys and says he's leaving for a while. I ran out after him and put my hand on the window. He acted like he was going to hand me the phone and then slammed on the gas, pulling me along the concrete. I had to go to the ER and now have 4 scars. We talked about everything the next day and were going to try and work out our differences.
Things were going okay, but we litterally spend every second that we arent working together. I have lost all of my friend. we never go anywhere or do anything. all we do, every single day is come home, watch tv, possibly jack off, and go to sleep.
This brings me to my next issue. We havent had sex in months. as usual, he blames that on me as well, saying I never try. WHen i do try, he doesnt want to or he just wants to watch porn and jack off. He constantly gets pissed off when he thinks I jacked off alone and I say I haven't (which is the truth. I actually look forward to the intensity of an orgasm after waiting all day). Then when he is home alone, I find his clothing with cum stains or the internet history deleted or sex toys that had been washed off. Would this make him hypocritical? He is also one of those guys that will speak his mind and call someone out in the middle of a crowd or through a drive through window. He always has an attitude when he speaks, and when I let him know, he gets offended and we get into a fight. BUT when he accuses me of having attitude and I say i wasn't trying to and apologize for it, we still fight. My apologies are never accepted. Every time there is an issue between us, no matter if he knows he is wrong, he always puts the full blame on me.
When we are fighting, he says and does things that I know I shouldn't take, but I am a very passive person. He has called me stupid (does this frequently), fat, he has told me that none of my relationships will ever work because of how I treat him, hes shoved me, put his hands at my neck. In all honesty, I treat him like a king. I give him everything he wants. A more recent fight that we had was over finances. We were short on rent and he forced me to beg 3 of my family members for money because he wouldnt ask his. He ended up smacking a cup off of the counter at me. This was the first time that I grabbed my keys and left. When i came home that evenning, he had cleaned the house and cooked dinner and told me how sorry he was.
He is starting to notice that I am not as happy as I used to be. He is always asking me whats wrong, but I just brush it off and say nothing because I am terrified of what his reaction will be if I tell him the truth. I love him, with all my heart. But I dont know how much longer I can do this.
I don't know what to do. Lately, the only thing i have been thinking of is being single again and getting my life back. I miss my friends. I miss having fun. I dont want to cry everytime I hear a song that makes me think about how unhappy I am. But i'm scared. What will happen? What will he do if I end it? He always says he would never hurt me, but his actions has proved otherwise. What will happen with all of our things and the apartment? this lease ends in 2 months. we have talked about it before, and he firmly believes that if we break up, he is going to take everything that we have bought together and everything that he had anything to do with. Thats fine, but the things is, he won/'t be civil about it. He never has been. I dont know what to do anymore. I have never been the one to end a relationship. Advice. Please?
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Cancer
