I need a little advice.

[archubbycub]

Thank you so much.

Any time!

[Nick9]

you know, Englishman, I don't want to push you on your partner. But you seem like you would like to get back to him, but don't know how and if it is appropriate. I am trying to show you that it is worth trying. If it doesn't work, you can always breakup later...

[MisterTinkles]

Thank you Mister Tinkles, that is exactly how I feel.

Please, feel free to be brutal, I have just as sharp a tongue, and I am quite capable of seeing a serious debate as to what it is, simply somebody voicing a different opinion from my own, it takes a lot to offend me, and I relish a good friendly, if heated at times, debate.

Yes I can get legal aid, at least I think I can, and the lady next door is a solicitor, and she keeps offering her services at 'mates rates'.

But do I really want to go down this route, once I start there's no going back.

It's stupid, but I love him to much to hurt him.

The love doesnt go away, but its the love that was "before", not "after".
The more you live away from him, the more you will realize that its what you loved before this happened, not after. And once you realize there is nothing more to be had or said afterwards, then your feelings will diminish as time goes on. In other words, you will love who he was, not who he has become.

As for going "down that road"....by leaving like you did, you already traveled a great distance down that road. Legal formalities are just a closure to the process already in play.

You are also still young and prime. Once this is over and you start to feel better, you will find you can have your own life and meet new people.

As for "the hurt"........you cant possibly hurt him any more than what he has done to you.
All you can do now is get whats rightfully yours and get on with your life. Leave him to his own devices, which he seems to have created previous to you finding him like that.

[Englishman]

you know, Englishman, I don't want to push you on your partner. But you seem like you would like to get back to him, but don't know how and if it is appropriate. I am trying to show you that it is worth trying. If it doesn't work, you can always breakup later...

I know, really I do, and if any of my replies came across as rude, then I apologise.

And yes it's true, I have no idea where to begin.

[Englishman]

Mister Tinkles (love the name )
You are completely correct, of course.

But it is sad to admit, but I have no idea how to live alone, just the idea scares me.

I'm a very social and loving guy, I have no idea how to cope.
I can do the admin things, pay the bills etc, but how could I live the single life, I have never done it before.

[MisterTinkles]

Mister Tinkles (love the name )
You are completely correct, of course.

But it is sad to admit, but I have no idea how to live alone, just the idea scares me.

I'm a very social and loving guy, I have no idea how to cope.
I can do the admin things, pay the bills etc, but how could I live the single life, I have never done it before.

Sounds scary, but its not really.
There are people out there looking for roommates. (although you have to be careful)
You can always keep yourself busy with work, volunteering, or hobbies.

Once you make your own group of friends, it wont be so hard. And before you know it, you will find you dont even think about it anymore.

And you are in good company..........from all those who I have talked with, who have been through what you have been through, after the "divorce" is all over and done with, they find that they actually like being alone. They get to discover who THEY are as a person and human. Life gets to be lived more on their terms than someone elses. And they like having the feeling of personal freedom. Some end up in better relationships than they had previously, simply because of the experiences of a long relationship and then living alone.

You might want to see about some support groups too. Someone to talk too about all this, someone on neutral ground, who can help give some objective advice so you dont feel so alone in all of this.

[Englishman]

Yea I guess so.
I am thinking of emailing him, and telling him I will work 4 days, then he can work the alternate 4 days, at least I could get on top of the finances again, the only problem with that, is it's a shop, so I don't like the idea of him being able to turn up at any time.

I'm not really a support group kinda guy if I'm honest, I mean, they have their place, but I can't ever imagine myself in one if you know what I mean?

I think that's what brought me here, I can have a moan, and still remain quite anon.

But thank you for your kind words Mister Tinkles, you are a great help, as are the other guys to.

Different perspectives are exactly what I need at the moment.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I suggest couples therapy.

I don't know exactly where in the UK you live, but perhaps this: http://www.pinktherapy.com/ will be helpful?

I'm actually kind of jealous and envious that you have it so good with one man. But I have been with worse - much worse and know exactly how bad it can be.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Clearly you don't know the Devil that is Mr. Tinkles....

If you did you would be running screaming to the hills.... Just saying..... :biggrin:

[Englishman]

I suggest couples therapy.

I don't know exactly where in the UK you live, but perhaps this: will be helpful?

I'm actually kind of jealous and envious that you have it so good with one man. But I have been with worse - much worse and know exactly how bad it can be.

Oh wow, I don't think I could handle something like that.. I looks very daunting, and for a private person like me, I would find it a real struggle.
To be honest, I didn't even know places like existed!

Well yes, things were perfect, as far as I knew any way, but the moment I found him in my bed with someone else, it doesn't matter how perfect things were, he still completely humiliated me, and destroyed the trust I had built up over the years.

I know what you are saying though Mr Aerrow.